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He turns around to face me the moment I close his office door behind me, his gaze roaming over my face hungrily, cataloging every inch of me. “I missed you so fucking much.”
My heart skips a beat, and I look down, unsure how to reply. I missed him too but admitting that won’t change a thing. I hesitate for a moment before reaching for the stack of documents in my bag. I stare at the papers and take a shaky breath before handing them to him.
“Please sign them,” I tell him, my voice steady, devoid of emotion. “We’ll file as soon as our three years are up.”
His eyes widen as he takes in the divorce papers in his hands, and then he barks out a laugh. “Over my dead body, Raya.” I watch in disbelief as he walks to his desk and grabs a lighter, looking me in the eye as the papers go up in flames. My jaw goes slack as he lets go of the stack just before the flames reach his fingers, the last remnants turning to ash before it hits the floor.
Lex walks up to me and places his index finger under my chin, making me face him. “I won’t ever let you go, little fairy. I may not be worthy, and I may not be the person you want, butI’myours, Raya Windsor. I’ll be yours until the day I die, and not even you can change that.”
His hand moves to cup my face, and my eyes flutter closed for a moment. “I won’t let you control me,” I warn him, my voice soft. “I won’t let you track my every movement; won’t let you treat me like I’m the one who betrayed you. I won’t live my life in someone else’s shadow, being punished for things I didn’t do, things I’d never do.”
I take a step back, out of his reach. “I want real love and unwavering trust. I want the kind of partnership where we have each other’s back, where we’re always the one person the other can count on. I’ve done everything in my power to earn that, and I deserve it, Lex. I deserve to be loved wholeheartedly, and I deserve a healthy amount of trust. I won’t accept anything less, and it’s clear you can’t give me that. You never even tried, never gave me a real chance. From the moment we met, you’ve curated every significant moment we’ve shared, never letting me out of your sight for more than a few hours.”
I draw a shaky breath and shake my head. “When we first discussed our engagement, I told you that once our three years were up, you’d have to let me go so I could find the kind of love you could never give me. You told me you’d try, but you never did. You just pretended to.”
I run a hand through my hair, unable to take the look in his eyes. “I’m not what you want, Lex, and you can’t be what I need.” I look away, my chest aching. “The day we met, you told me you had no interest in love or relationships, and I just didn’t listen. Or maybe I did, and I just thought I’d be your exception… but look at us now. You never wanted this with me, and I should’ve accepted that then. It would’ve saved us both a lot of pain.”
“Raya,” Lex says, but I hold my hand up, cutting him off. “Just think about what I said today, Lexington. I’m offering you an out — a guilt-free way to escape all the pressure I put on youto turn this marriage into something it was never meant to be, all without losing your inheritance or the merger. I’ll start doing what you’ve done all along. I’ll pretend with you.”
He grabs my hand and holds on tightly. “Darling, I’m not going to say the words now, because I don’t want you to question them. I don’t want you to feel like I’m only saying it in an attempt to control this situation, because nothing could be further from the truth. What I will say is that I don’t need to try with you, Raya. Being with you is effortless, and it has been from the second we met. I see where you’re coming from, and I hear you.” He brushes my hair out of my face and takes a deep breath, his expression vulnerable. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I haven’t been trying as much as I thought I was, but that changes now.”
I search his face, unsure what to make of his words. I don’t dare believe him, but God, I want to, and I hate my own weakness more than I could ever hate him. “I’ll leave work with you at the end of the week,” I say, my voice soft. “We’ll go to my parents together as usual. Regardless of what’s going on between us, I don’t want to worry anyone else, least of all our families. After that, I’ll move back home, and we’ll figure out how to get through the remainder of our marriage. In the meantime, think about what I said. I’m willing to accept everything I wasn’t willing to consider when we got engaged, Lex. I’m done.”
Sixty-One
Lex
Raya doesn’t say a word to me as we drive to her parents’ house. All week, I’ve done all I can to catch glimpses of her, and all week, she’s done all she could to avoid me. It fucking hurts to know that the one person that was always happy to see me now can’t stand to look at me, and I only have myself to blame for it.
“Truth or dare?” I murmur, at a loss.
She tenses and looks out the window, no doubt contemplating whether or not to indulge me. “Dare.”
I suck my bottom lip between my teeth, unsure what to ask for. I don’t want to coerce her into doing things she doesn’t want to do, but I’m desperate to hold her hand the way I used to. I never realized how much I took it for granted. It always felt so simple, having her fingers between mine, the softness of her skin against my rougher hands. “Help me park the car,” I say eventually, her parents’ house right in front of us. She sighs and reaches for her seatbelt, but I shake my head. “Without moving from your seat.”
She looks at me, and fuck, I think it may very well be the first time she’s looked me in the eye all week. I forgot how enchanting those gorgeous brown eyes are, how hard it is to look away when she gives me her attention. Raya places her hand on top of mine as she moves the clutch, and I inhale shakily, savoring the feel of her soft fingers on top of mine.
I follow her instructions as she directs me from her seat, helping me park the car. I’m barely able to focus on anything but her touch, and the moment she pulls her hand away, a sense of loss washes over me.
I sigh as I lean over and undo her seatbelt, bringing our bodies closer than she’s let me in some time. Raya’s gaze cuts to mine, and I know she’s reminded of the countless times I’ve done just this, only to grab her face and kiss her, losing myself in her scent, her honey flavor.
Her eyes roam over my face and settle on my mouth, something akin to longing flashing through her eyes before she turns away and opens her car door, depriving me of the honor of helping her.
“Wait,” I tell her. “Let me, please.”
I rush out of the car and around it, but she ignores me and steps out of the car moments before I reach her. The passenger door falls closed behind her, and I step closer to her. Raya steps back, the look in her eyes changing, that same longing reemerging. I smile at her as her back hits the car and lean in, caging her in with my body.
“Truth,” I tell her. She didn’t ask, but I’m not willing to give up on our game. It’s what started it all, and throughout our relationship, it’s what we’ve defaulted to when communicating felt hard.
Ask me if I miss you,I silently plead.Ask me if I love you, Raya.
She studies me and tilts her head just a touch, something akin to hope lighting up her eyes. “Are you still monitoring me?”
My heart drops, and I stare at her, wishing she’d asked me anything but that. My breathing accelerates, and my throat feels dry all of a sudden.
“It’s a simple question, Lexington.”
“It isn’t,” I retort, unsure how else to explain.
