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“How is it not, when there are only two possible answers: yes or no?”
“Please, Raya,” I whisper. “Let me explain. The answer is yes, but I’m not doing it intentionally. It’s just… it’s hard to undo.”
I’ve never witnessed such deep disappointment in my wife’s eyes, and she draws a shaky breath as she pushes against my chest, moving me out of the way. She walks to her parents’ front door and looks over her shoulder.
“You told me you were sorry, Lex. There’s only one apology I’m willing to accept: changed behavior. If you can’t change, if youwon’tchange, you need to sign the papers.”
The front door opens just as I catch up to her, and her father appears. The way Raya smiles at him leaves me awestruck, and suddenly I find myself fearing I’ll never see her smile atmethat way again.
I watch as my wife all but skips through the house to get to her mother, and without a doubt, this is the happiest I’ve seen her in a while. Celeste’s words ring through my mind as if on cue, reminding me that happiness isn’t a single moment, that with enough time, I could earn Raya’s smiles again.
“Come on,” Bob says as he places his hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you come help me with my temperamental Annie? That car takes after its namesake — it’s consistently difficult, unpredictable.”
I take another look at the kitchen, where I can hear Raya’s laughter coming from, longing hitting me hard and fast. “Ofcourse,” I tell my father-in-law, when I want nothing more than to stand by my wife’s side, pretending I’m the reason for that sweet laughter, like I used to be.
Bob and I work quietly for a while, but unlike the usual serene atmosphere between us, the tension is thick today. “It won’t last, you know,” he says eventually.
I look up, my stomach turning. Bob reads my expression and laughs, shaking his head.
“Heranger,” he elaborates. “Raya never stays mad for long. She doesn’t have it in her. There’s no malice in my sweet little girl’s heart.”
“Is it obvious?” I ask, my voice soft. “That we’re… arguing?”
Bob leans against the car and smiles. “Lexington, you’re walking around looking like a sad puppy. It’s hard not to notice.”
I run a hand through my hair and look away. My father-in-law seems to take great delight in my torment, because he laughs and pushes off the car. I watch as he grabs a bottle of whiskey from one of his cupboards and pours us both a glass. “Tinkering clearly isn’t helping you today, so let’s try this.”
I knock it back, and Bob instantly refills my glass, not an ounce of judgement in his eyes. “I think I lost her,” I admit eventually.
He swirls his whiskey and nods slowly. “Then win her back.” He looks at me then. “Marriage isn’t a box you get to check. Your status as my daughter’s husband is something you have to earn, every single day. It isn’t a position you can take for granted, Lexington.”
I look at him, my heart bleeding. “I know,” I tell him, my voice soft. “God, I know.”
He places his hand on my arm and smiles with a lot more kindness than I’d expect from him in this situation. “A few months ago, I told you that what Raya wants above all is truelove. You told me you weren’t sure you could give her that, but that you’d try. Tell me, Lexington. Did you try?”
Pure sorrow rushes through me as I shake my head. “No,” I whisper. “I never had to try with her, Bob. I fell for Raya against my will, against reason. Irrevocably. Unexpectedly.”
Falling in love was the easy part. It’s trust I can’t give her.
Bob smiles at me. “I’m not sure what happened, and I have no intention of meddling in your marriage, but I have to ask… regardless of what happened, did you have any intention of hurting her, Lex?”
“No,” I reply immediately. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I did.”
Bob takes a swig of his whiskey. “Did you learn from it?”
I nod, willing him to believe me.
My father-in-law smiles at me. “And will you ever let it happen again?”
“Never,” I vow.
Bob nods. “Then you’ll be just fine, Lexington. Things will never be perfect, but so long as you try to be a little better every day, you’ll get as close to it as you can get. No one could ask more of you than that. Not even me.”
Sixty-Two
Lex
Raya glances at me from the mirror she’s standing in front of as I walk out of her bathroom, a towel hanging low on my hips. The way her eyes linger sends a thrill down my spine, and I take a shaky breath as I walk toward her.
