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UGH! And she works for fucking Cliff.
Just the thought of what I possibly interrupted has bile rising up my throat. I need to get back to the main house and chill out.This is what you wanted… Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I’ll eventually believe it.
Schooling my emotions, I walk through the pool gate where Frankie spots me almost immediately and heads in my direction. I guess I didn’t do as good of a job as I thought.
“Are you okay?” she asks, placing her arm on my shoulder and spinning me away from the crowd.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Yeah, I went to go talk to Nox, but…he—he was busy.”
“What do you meanbusy…”
“Leslie was there, so I left.” Trying to keep my response short to maintain whatever is left of my dignity, it feels like I can barely breathe.
“Oh, I didn’t realize she was coming this weekend,” Frankie says.
“I know I have no right to ask this, but I'm going to anyway. Are they serious?”
“You’re right. You really don’t have the right to ask or care…” Her stare bores into mine as she continues. “That man deserves some sliver of happiness in his life. You destroyed him, Em. I'm not sure you realize the mess you made when you left. And just when we all think he’s finally getting over you, you show back up and with a son, no less.”
My eyes fall to my feet, along with my heart. She’s right, she’s absolutely right. Fuck, what was I thinking? “But to throw you a bone, I’m not sure what they are.”
Before walking away, she places her hand on my shoulder, causing my gaze to jump to her face, which has lost all the seriousness from moments before. “Now pick your head up and come on. The food and booze are waiting.”
Letting out a shaky breath, I regain my composure and pick my heart off the ground. Kiran must spot me, because I hear a loud “Mama!” being yelled from across the pool deck.
I fake the best smile possible and head over to my baby boy. One of the only things that has given me strength and sanity over these past two years. God knows I’ll need it to get through the rest of this day.
* * *
Torture.Pure fucking torture. That’s what today has been. The cuddles and sweet glances she’s been giving Nox have just about fucking killed me. And to make matters even worse, Leslie is probably one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. So, I can’t hate her even if I tried—well, maybe just a little. She has what I want back…if he’ll take me.
Since it's been such a long day, we decided to have a relaxing movie night. We’re all spread out on the pool loungers, watchingAvatar 2on Greyson’s amazing outdoor movie setup. Kiran was really enjoying all the bright colors but still passed out on my chest about twenty minutes into the movie. I can’t say I blame him; he’s had a lot of fun in the sun.
I'm still overwhelmed by the affection everyone has shown him. As if he’s already been accepted into the fold of their found family.I wonder if Colton will feel the same. I miss him so much it hurts. I picked up my phone to call him, just to place it back down, too many times to count. The guilt I feel when I think of him sends a twinge of pain through my chest. Once I get through this week in Richmond Hills, my next task is talking to him.
Kiran stirs in my arms, readjusting his position. Judging by the stars illuminating the sky, it’s time for me to bring him inside. I don’t think I’ll last much longer tonight either. I have a day of training at Lights Out to prepare for, both mentally and physically. If I’m serious about my potential future in the octagon, I need to reestablish my rigorous training schedule.
Bracing his body against mine, I maneuver out of the lounger. I successfully stand without so much as waking him—that is, until a loud roar erupts from the outdoor surround speakers. Kiran’s eyes shoot open as I quickly usher him inside just as he lets out a wail.
“Shh…shhh, it’s okay, bub. You’re okay,” I whisper to him as we climb the stairs to our room. When I lay him in his pack-and-play, he whimpers with a pout. “Mama, song.”
“Okay, lovey. Lay down.” I smile, keeping my tone soothing. Then I begin to sing our song, the song I’ve sung to him since the day I felt his first kicks inside of me. The memory brings tears to my eyes. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was so lost and defeated, unsure of everything. I had just moved in with Jade and her little girl, Willow. The only thing holding me together was my determination to make a better life for the one growing inside of me. With my hands on my belly, I began to sing the song that gave me hope that our future had promise. A promise of so much more.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”Sleep takes him over soon, but I finish it out like always. “So please don’t take my sunshine away.”
I stand to leave, but not before covering him up with a light blanket. After turning on the monitor, I gently close the door behind me. An audible gasp escapes me when I'm met with the shadowy figure leaning against the wall.
“That’s the song you decide to sing to him,” he practically growls as he stalks toward me. My back presses up against the wall as his strong arms shoot out on either side of me.
“It—it’s our song. We sing it every night.”
“What are you playing at, Em?”
“His name means ray of light,” I blurt out. His proximity is affecting my ability to think correctly.
Nox’s arms fall as he digests my words. His chest is heaving like my own. The look in his eyes when they rise to meet mine has the tears I've been so careful to keep at bay begging for release. My fingers twitch with the desire to move the hair off his forehead, but I will them to stay put.
I close my eyes and attempt to gain control over my pounding heart. It’s then that I feel Nox’s forehead lean against mine, his warm breath spreading across my face. Keeping my eyes closed to not break the moment, I lift my arms and wrap them around his neck. His body shudders under my touch but doesn’t pull away. Then, ever so slowly, I feel his hands rest on my hips.
