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“I know she wants to see you too, Colt…and I want you to meet Kiran.” I can’t wait to see the look on Colton’s face when he hears his middle name.
“Okay, it’s a done deal. I’m going to buy my books tomorrow, then I’ll head out. I can drive through the night Saturday and be back Sunday to get ready for classes.”
“No, I’m not letting you do that. I’ll look at flights right now and book you something.” He hates when I try to help him out, but that’s one thing I’ve appreciated the most about earning money with my fights. My mom and Colton struggled long enough, so if it’s up to me, they never will again.
“Nox, you don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. It’s a done deal. What time can you leave tomorrow?” I ask, pulling the big brother card. It's not up for discussion. He’s working his ass off, and I want him to be able to enjoy what little bit of extra money he has.
He relents with a stubborn huff. “Any time after noon.”
“Okay, I’ll send confirmation to your email.”
“Thank you.”
After another brief moment of silence, he asks, “Nox, how are you, really?”
“Honestly, I was a fucking mess a few days ago, but now I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.” I think about my night with Emerson and Kiran, replaying him burying his little head into my chest.Yeah, pretty fucking happy.
“My head is still fucked over what she went through, and I’ve tried my best not to think about how I didn’t pick up on that shit. I’m also fucking pissed that needle took away my chances of torturing him. Then again, all this time apart would be for nothing, because she’s right…I would have murdered him. And then I would’ve been in prison, unable to be there for her or my son. Well, unless Gunnar was willing to hide the body for me.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t see through her lies that day. I should have. She was my best fucking friend.” I hate the guilt in his voice, but I also resonate with it.
“Brother, you can’t do that to yourself. Trust me. That’s not what she needs either. I’m having to preach that to myself.”
“Lennox…” Emerson’s voice filters through my house.
“In here,” I call out. “Alright, they’re here. I’ll do that flight stuff and send it to you asap.”
“Okay, love you, Nox.”
“Love you, Colt,” I say, hanging up as Emerson walks into the room carrying Kiran.
“Down, down,” Kiran demands, and he runs over toward me, plopping down in my lap. His little fingers explore the drill sitting beside me, examining the tool as I give his head of raven hair a kiss.
“I’m building you a crib, buddy,” I say, pointing to the base of what I’ve started.
That’s when I realized Emerson’s been quiet, so I look in her direction. Tears well in her eyes, and I wave her over. Pulling her down into the other side of my lap, I burrow my nose into her neck, placing a kiss to her collarbone.
“Don’t cry, Sonny.”
She buries her face in my shoulder, muttering, “I’m sorry.”
“Mama?” Kiran questions, and Emerson straightens up, giving him a reassuring smile.
“Mama’s okay, baby. Happy tears.”
That satisfies Kiran, who is up and checking out the other items that arrived. A play tent I set up in the corner and a Fisher Price basketball hoop are the only things that have been delivered so far.
“I walked in here and saw you like this and heard you say Colt’s name. It just all hit me like a freight train,” she whispers, and I place a kiss to her forehead.
“I can’t help but imagine what it would have been like to be here with you the whole time, with Colton by our side… Do you think he can forgive me?” Her golden eyes look pleading and hopeful all at once.
“Of course, Em. He loves you. Matter of fact, he’s coming home tomorrow. He wants to see you and meet Kiran.”
“Really?” she asks, eyes glossy, and I nod, smiling back at her.
The way her face lights up takes me back to a younger Emerson. A beautiful, broken girl who found solace in my fucked-up little family. She meant so much to all of us, that when she left, it felt as if someone in our family had died. And to me, it felt like someone had removed my heart from my chest cavity, and only sheer anger and pain were keeping me alive. The anger motivated me, and the pain made sure I knew there was still blood pumping through my veins. But she’s here now, and the only person I can be upset with is myself. For not seeing it, for being too wrapped up in my fighting, for not protecting her. But she’s here…more beautiful than ever and my son’s giggles make it all worth it.
