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“Usually a passing guide sets up a ceremony for the guide who will take her place before she passes on. Yours didn’t, but it should’ve been done either way.” He turned another accusing stare on Duncan and Groza.
“The risks outweigh any possible benefit,” Duncan said, as if that should be the end of it. “Not to mention no one here has ever done it.”
“Not a problem. I’ll call the California pack and have them talk me through it.”
Maddocks cleared his throat, almost as if he were afraid to get involved but felt he had to. “If she’s ever going to reach her true potential and what she can offer, it has to be done.”
“What exactly is that potential?” I asked.
“Only guides are privy to the full scope of the gifts they receive, and it’s thought to be individual,” Maddocks said.
So no one knew exactly how strong this could make me. Still, “true potential” was a strong term, and Maddocks seemed like an honest man—wolf, shifter, whatever the correct designation was. I wasn’t going to sit here and tell this group how I’d felt like there had to be more to this guide stuff than sitting around and acting like a placebo. But this ceremony was the key, wasn’t it? This was the problem. I wasn’t sure what the ceremony might do, but if it gave me some sort of advantage in this messed-up world, I was taking it. I had to do it not only for me, but Charlietoo. Right now I felt like a sitting duck with Groza’s goons targeting me. If this could change things…
There was something calm and levelheaded about Maddocks, even his hesitancy to speak, that leant his words considerable weight. I looked at him, as if for some sign that he truly believed this was the right thing.
He gave me a short nod.
“We should wait until we can get another guide here. There’s no reason to rush things,” Duncan said, sensing that his argument was losing traction.
“How long would that be?” I asked.
“It takes what it takes. It’s better to wait and be safe,” he said.
He was sitting there, playing house with Groza, and yet he wanted to control my life, tell me what was best.
“You know that’ll never happen,” Kicks said. “There’s only one other guide in the U.S., and he doesn’t like to go more than ten minutes from his home.” He turned his attention back to me. “It’s your choice. This is something you have to decide. All due respect, you’re not bound by any alpha’s rules. You operate above the pack hierarchy. If you choose to do it, that’s it. You do it.”
I operated above the rules of the pack? Why had no one bothered to explainthisto me either? Why was I hearing it for the first time from Kicks at the most awkward dinner in history?
Oh, I knew that one easy enough. Duncan and Groza. Why would they feel the need to tell me I didn’t have to listen to a word they said? That would put a dent in their monarchy ways for sure.
Screw the risks. Screw Duncan and Groza.
“I’m doing it.”
“Great. I’ll help you,” Kicks said. “We can do it tomorrow.”
It was only later on, after my rage and rebellion had settled down, that I realized I hadn’t asked if it could kill me. That Kicksmight’ve used my annoyance with Duncan’s high-handedness to steer me right into what he wanted me to do.
Chapter Eight
“I don’t understand.I thought you were already the guide?” Charlie’s question trailed into a yawn on the last word.
“I am, but there’s another piece to this whole thing I didn’t know about.”
“And you have to do that?”Charlie’s heavy-lidded eyes held worry.
“Yep.”If my reply had been any peppier, I could lead a cheer squad.
I turned on my side, trying to get comfortable in his little bed while waiting for him to drift off.
Normally he’d be asleep by now, but I’d opened my mouth about the ceremony tomorrow and opened the Pandora’s box of his never-ending curiosity. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him. He was just a little kid, and this was unsettling to me. He’d already been through so much. I didn’t want him to be a scared little kid. All I’d wanted was to prepare him so he wouldn’t be worried if I was a little worse for wear tomorrow, and now he was worried anyway.
Why couldn’t this whole parenting thing be easier? Or at least produce results faster? It was like taking a final exam every other day, but I wasn’t going to get my results for another decadeor two. What I wouldn’t do to be able to talk to my mother or Widow Herbert for a few minutes.
Charlie’s eyes finally closed and his breathing evened out. Okay, not too freaked out. I hadn’t ruined him yet—but there was always tomorrow, next month, next year. It was better not to dwell on all the available time I’d have to screw him up. Worst-case scenario, I could always blame it on the apocalypse, right?
The door creaked open downstairs, and I jerked up. Groza’s goons hadn’t ever dared enter while I was home, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t start, especially after tonight.
