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It’s impossible for the memories not to assault mehere. Blaze and I made love in so many places on this ranch. We hid in the shack on top of the hill, snuck into his childhood bedroom where we tried not to make too much noise, laid blankets down in the woods surrounding the property, and even had several midnight skinny dipping sessions in the creek.
I was free that summer — free and in love. I finished high school, graduating as the valedictorian, getting a scholarship to one of the best colleges in the United States, with a one-year, five-year, and ten-year plan. I gave up parties with friends, didn’t even go to my senior prom. I graduated from high school with two years of college under my belt. My life was all about academics and my future. Until that summer.
It was my one and only time I allowed myself freedom, and on the very first day of that new journey, I met Blaze in a big way. I was alone, swimming in the ocean when a rogue wave took me down. I feared for my life, but suddenly strong arms wrapped around me, and I was surfacing, taking in a sweet gasp of fresh air as I coughed out the seawater.
One look into Blaze’s eyes and I was lost. He kissed me right then and there, in the middle of the ocean. I was willing to follow him anywhere after that first kiss. I spent the entire summer with him, wrapped in his arms and laughing like I never laughed before.
It took a few weeks before I had the courage to give him my virginity. Oh, but it was spectacular and well worth the wait. I’ll never forget that night. The sun was setting, brilliant splashes of reds, oranges, and purples blending together as the brightest stars became visible.
Blaze warmed my entire body with his hands and mouth, then he slowly climbed up me, his lips whispering against mine as he told me how beautiful I was. Slowly, so slowly, he slipped inside of me, and though there was a touch of pain, his caress and care melted it away until all I felt was desire and pleasure.
I never wanted that night to end. And then when it did, I never wanted the summer to end. But of course, the fairy tale concluded, and not with a happily-ever-after. That wasn’t the path I was on then.
I would’ve given it all up for Blaze—ifhe wanted me. But he disappeared and I went back to my real life — never allowing myself to feel so free again.
As I gaze at the cabin that gave me such fond memories, I feel that same ache I felt so long ago. I thought that was over — thought I’d moved on. Apparently, I was wrong. There was such hope inside of me that he wanted me forever. I never voiced that out loud, but the hope was there.
I told no one how I felt. After all, it was nothing more than the foolish dreams of an immature little girl. I also haven’t opened up my heart like that ever again. My mother warned me from a young age not to be led by my emotions. I fully understood why when I dealt with the pain of losing Blaze. Those who say to have loved and lost is better than to never love are fools. They obviously haven’t gone through the pain of true heartache.
And now I’m agreeing to go on a quest with the same man. I must be one of those foolish women my mother spoke of. Because the man who stepped into my office and whisked me away for a no-holds-barred weekend barely resembles theperson I fell in love with — the carefree, loving, sweet man who stole my young heart.
This new man is different, more cavalier, not showing the same emotion as he showed ten years ago. Sure, I can see the adventure and real emotion in his eyes, but there’s more to him now. I’m sure I don’t want to explore what that is. He’s no longer a boy, he’s all man now.
If Blaze thinks I’m the same young girl, he’ll be unpleasantly surprised. I grew up in the past ten years. Now I’m wise, strong, and not so susceptible to a man’s charms. I won’t fall all over myself because of a few words whispered in the dark or a few stolen kisses beneath the moonlight. Okay, maybe I fell for a while this weekend, but I’m back to myself. I’ve had over twenty-four hours to return to my senses. I’m determined to be wiser from this moment forward. I thought he was a paid gigolo, so I let go. Now that I know he’s not, I’ll keep my guard firmly in place.
I’ve certainly grown up. What surprises me is how depressed this makes me feel. Being here makes me want to let my hair down, makes me want to run and jump in the ocean, makes me want to go on those wild adventures I once dreamed of. Even if I allow myself to play this game with Blaze, I still won’t be able to fully let go. I fear if I do, I’ll never come back to who I need to be. If I have too much adventure the real world will weigh me down too much.
Shaking my head to end my walk down memory lane, I turn off my car and take a big breath before I open the door and step out. My fingers cling to the strap of my computer bag wrapped around my body. The poem I tried to interpret rests safely inside.
This is a business transaction, nothing more. I’ll do well to remember this for the duration of my time with Blaze. I head to the front door and hear a noise around the corner. What I shoulddo is knock, but instead I head along the path that will lead me to the guesthouses.
The massive yard is well cared for, and I smile as I close my eyes for a moment, remembering a game of Frisbee with Blaze and his siblings that went on late into the night. I enjoyed my time alone with Blaze and I enjoyed time with his family. They were good people then, and most likely still are, even if he isn’t, I tell myself.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come.” I slowly turn from my view of the property to see Blaze confidently walking toward me. The gap between us is much smaller than I like.
“You left me with little choice,” I say with a bit of a scowl. “I had to return the poem to you, and... and I’m curious.” I hate admitting even this much to him, but I’m here so that’s pretty obvious.
Blaze laughs. “You never were able to turn down a challenge. I like that some things never change. A lot in life may move on, but I believe our true nature will always shine through.” He stops so close to me I can practically taste him.
“There’s nothing wrong with being competitive.” I don’t comment on the second half of his statement.
He looks me over and his lips turn up even higher. “Where are the glasses, Professor?” I unconsciously flutter my fingers as I reach for the rims. I only wear them at school. To tell the truth, I hate having the metal against my face all day. But they make me appear older. That’s important when teaching at a university.
“I only need them for reading,” I lie.
He smiles bigger. He saw me without them all weekend and knows they’re my mask. I need to focus on anything other than Blaze Brannigan, so I start playing with the strap resting against my chest. I’m so uncomfortable right now, which sucks. It had been so easy over the weekend. I hate that it’s already changed in only a single day. I hate even more that it’s all on me. Ugh.
“If you’re here, does that mean you want to go on an adventure with me?” he asks, clear excitement in his tone.
“I want to figure out the map, but that doesn’t mean I need to actuallygoanywhere.”
“Listen Cori, it’s about following the clues. You’re either in or you’re out. If you aren’t willing to commit fully to the game, I need to find someone who is. I need to get out of here as soon as possible, so I want this puzzle solved.”
He looks me deep in the eyes as he speaks. He’s telling me a few things. One is that he isn’t sticking around. This hurts more than I want it to, though I’m a fool to feel this way. He’s also saying I’m replaceable. I don’t like this anymore than the first thing. I narrow my eyes and pull my shoulders back. I know the best thing I can do is to walk away. Why I’m not, I have no idea.
“I need to think a bit more about all of this before I make my final decision.” He studies me for several moments and his lips turn up again. I’m not sure what he found in my expression. I don’t know exactlywhatI’m feeling, besides a whole lot of confusion.
“Think about the map, or think about us?”
