Page 53 of Beauty and Kaos


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“Tell me you don’t feel this,” he continues, his grip tightening on my hip as he reaches up to toy with a long tendril of my hair. “Tell me I’m alone in this.”

My breath quickens, and all the lies I’ve so carefully constructed in this quest begin to quake inside me. I can feel the truth on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it. Not now. Not before I get the answers I need.

And yet, maybe I deserve this. A moment to let go. A moment that is just mine amidst the upheaval of everything I once believed. I don’t know what to think anymore. All I do know is that I want it to stop. The thinking. And I know how to do that.

I meet his gaze, my heart racing as it realizes I’m about to do something reckless I can’t take back. The confession tumbles from my lips.

“You’re not alone.”

As soon as the words escape me, his mouth is on mine, hot and hard, pressing me back against the wall. He buries his hands in my hair, holding me to him. Each kiss is a breath of lifeinside the darkness of me. My head spinning as I revive. I kiss him back with everything that I am, a tangled mess of fear and angst and grief and passion I’ve kept so carefully in check. As his mouth travels hotly down my neck, his hands sliding around my waist, I feel the ground disappear beneath me, and I lock my legs around his waist.

I run my hands up his chest and across his shoulders, needing to feel him. All of him, for as long as I can. I run my fingers into his messy, dark hair and pull his head back to feast on the salty expanse of neck I’ve been staring at while he cooks every night. When my tongue turns to teeth, he growls and fixes his mouth on mine again. He drags his thumbs across my pierced nipples through the material of my dress, and I pant against his lips.

“I’ve wanted you like this since that first night, when I saw you shower in the moonlight,” he says, pressing his forehead against mine, and pulling the long purple strands of my hair through his fingers. “I can’t get you out of my head.”

“I knew you were watching,” I reply. “I was fucking with you.”

He shakes his head, his mouth returning to mine. “I’m definitely fucked.” His lips devour mine, his body caging me in against the wall. Everywhere I touch is solid muscle, ridged as he presses into me. When I lift the hem of his shirt and slide my hands along the skin beneath, he deepens the kiss, his tongue hot against mine. I trace the muscles of his abs, up his chest to drag my nails across his nipples as I nip his bottom lip.

Breathy female vocals weave through the beat of the dubstep song pounding in the speakers, and I embrace it, undulating my hips against the hardness of him pressed tightbetween my thighs. I move with the beat, sliding against him as his hands move down to cup my ass beneath my dress. Need pulses through me, trapped within me, searching for an escape. I slide my hand lower, tracing the V of muscles beneath the waistband of his pants. Lower, until I wrap my hand around the rock-hard length of him.

I want to see him crash. To lose all control and claim what is left of mine. I don’t want it anymore. All I want is him. To leave everything else behind. To forget it all, at least for a little while. He can take it. The gravity of him can pull it in, all the darkest parts of me wrapped tight around my neck, weighing me down and holding my head beneath the sea. I can give it to him and just breathe.

His eyes go dark, and he curses, crushing his mouth against mine. The kiss is desperate. Rough. Teeth and tongue, his body pressing me so tight into the wall I feel like I’m going to sink into it. He grinds against my hand buried deep in his pants as I slowly stroke him from base to tip. His fingers follow the line of my lace panties, and when he presses a finger inside me through the fabric, I moan his name against his lips.

His hand slides up my body and beneath the material of my dress to cup my breast, his thumb tracing circles around the barbell in my nipple. Suddenly, he stills, and our lips break. My legs slide slowly back to the floor, and he steps back. Between us, he holds a small napkin-wrapped package in the center of his palm.

He glances at me curiously, and I pick it up, unrolling the contents into my hand. I stare at the two blue pills.

Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the lights and the music painting enemies as lovers, masking the truth I want in favor ofthe touch I need. His touch. Whatever it is, I’m running out of reasons to fight it.

I pick up one of the pills and place it on my tongue, my eyes locking with his as I swallow. I hold the other up to him, and he opens his mouth.

Then I kiss him, hard and hungry, sliding my hands into his hair. He presses me back into the wall until I feel the whole weight of him against every inch of me. His hands slide under my dress to cup my ass, then travel up to my hips.

“Am I going to find anything else in here?” He asks, his mouth trailing down my neck.

“I can’t remember. Maybe you should keep looking,” I reply, running my nails through his hair, my head falling back to give him easier access.

“What about Evan?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about Evan.”

I blink, and struggle to focus. “I wasn’t.” I glance over and see Raven standing beside us, an eyebrow raised curiously.

Fuck.

I push against Zaden until he takes a reluctant step back, and blocks me from view until I can fix my dress. The glare he cuts at Raven could break skin.

“Is Evan..?”

She shakes her head. “He’s behind the bar.”

“Raven, I -”

“I don’t need an explanation. I just thought you needed a wake-up call. If Evan had seen that, you’d both be on the chopping block.” A smile creeps at the corner of her lips.

“Fire me,” Zaden says as his arms wrap around me, pulling me back against him. “Fire us both.” His head lowers, his voicesoft and hot against my neck. “Then come home with me. I’ll make you breakfast in the morning, and we can stand in the unemployment line together.”

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