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There’s a reason I have her in the ankle monitor and the door that zaps her when she tries to leave. It’s because I want to protect her. She knows that as well, but that doesn’t stop her from acting like a crazy person.
She’s just lucky the moment she got all swept up in that trap, I got a perimeter alert, or who knows how long it would have taken me to find her. In the morning probably.
Just like Justine.
My head hangs low the moment I think about my first love. My wife, the woman I was supposed to be with forever. Ihatethinking about all the bad things that happened to her, but having Emma get in trouble in the middle of the night makes it impossible.
I can’t think of anything else.
I slide down until I’m sitting and pull out my cell phone to watch the one video I’ve managed to save of her. No matter what phone I’ve had over the last decade, this video will always be with me.
Even if it does hurt to open up the video to see Justine’s bright green eyes filling the screen as she steps back, grinning from ear to ear at the screen.
“Owen, I can’t believe you’re leaving me again.” Justine pouts on the screen playfully. “I know you’re being deployed, and it's your job and everything, but it still sucks.”
I come onto the screen, looking far more youthful and unplagued by life, with my arm snaking around Justine.
“I don’t want to leave you ever.” I lean in and kiss her on the cheek. “But I’ll be back soon, you know I will. I can’t be away from you for too long.”
She grabs my cheeks and kisses me. My heart aches as I see it.
Little did I know then that was the last kiss I would ever get from her.
“Come back soon, Owen, my big cuddly bear,” she teases. “Love you.”
Fuck.
I don’t know if watching this again was a good idea, but I can’t stop. The video rolls again and again, reminding me of the life I was going to have.
Me and Justine were going to start trying for children as soon as I got back from deployment. We were finally going to move into a bigger home, to have babies, and to really live out our happy ever after.
I couldn’t wait. That was the one thought that would get me through the war. Those dreams, that fantasy, the future that was almost mine…
Until I got the dreaded news.
If I think about that, I’m almost back at camp, lying in my little bed, trying to get some sleep.
It was a restless night, and I couldn’t work out why. Usually, every night, we all fell dead asleep because of how busy and active we were during the day. But that night, something was different.
It was almost like there was something in the air.
So being woken up after a fitful sleep by my sergeant, who wasn’t yelling at me for lying in, was weird. It felt surreal, like I was still dreaming.
Only the dream became a nightmare when my sergeant started talking to me.
To this day, I don’t recall the exact words he said to me. It’s almost like my brain has blocked that out… it’s all just a blur.
All I know for sure is that I was very quickly restrained and locked up for my own sake, because I lost the plot. Hearing thatJustine was gone, killed in a car accident, that wasn’t something I could handle.
I still haven’t wrapped my head around it fully. I don’t know if I ever will, to be honest. It was just such a shock.
That was the worst day of my life, and it hasn’t been great ever since. Not really.
It killed me.
I went dead inside, and that’s suited me since then.
It’s allowed me to work in the job I do without a care in the world, and to live the lone wolf life. Ineverplanned to fall in love again, my heart is well and truly closed off.
