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“What? You’re mad at me?” I know that look, and it usually doesn’t
“No. Frustrated sometimes, but Kenzie’s worried about you. She said you seemed sad last night.”
“I’m tired.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“Well, it’s true. Things got a little hectic right before I was supposed to come home.” I shake my head, but nothing dislodges the thoughts rattling around up there like restless spirits.
Harper shakes her head and rests her chin on the base of her hand, curling her fingers over her lips. “It just kills me that you’ve forgotten how to live unless you’re jumping in front of bullets or out of planes. There’s more, Riker, and I’m thankful Ben pulled you out of that dark place, but I hoped you’d... I don’t know find something that does a little more than mask the pain, and when Kenzie talked about how happy you were last week, I thought maybe you’d rounded a corner.”
I lean back and exhale. “I had a good time in Georgia. I had a couple run-ins with a cop from Ohio.”
“You’re smiling.” Harper’s face brightens. Which makes me want to groan.
“She was good company.’’
“You got her phone number, right?”
“I repeat, Ohio. She just ended things with her fiancé andOhio.”
“You know, I hear this rumor that phone calls cross state lines—something like what we’re doing now.”
I try not to think about Libby’s comment in the hotel room. She wasn’t serious. Couldn’t have been. “I can’t string her along. Between work and holidays in Maine, I could see her again, what? Next year? I’m shit at balancing relationships, you of all people know that.”
“Yeah.” She frowns and tips her head to the side. “But if we’re being honest, so was I. When you came home, I expected you to magically fix everything, even if it wasn’t in your power to fix. And when you didn’t, well, I made a lot of mistakes, too. When I left, you stepped up, like I never imagined. Now, you’re a pretty good friend, and Kenz is fond of you, so you can’t be all bad.”
“Kenzie was also fond of the snake we found while hiking.”
“Riker, stop sulking.”
I straighten. “I’m not.”
“Really, because that looks like your sulking face. You’re used to finding peace in the chaos and unexpected. You’re mourning the loss of something that became integral to you. I know being a SEAL wasn’t just a career to you, it’s what you were meant to do. But don’t let losing that destroy you. Maybe while you’re discovering this new routine, you’ll find there’s room for someone else.”
She never would have said those things when we were together. Not that I would have listened. I would have accused her of blowing things out of proportion, but she’s right, we’ve both grown and changed over the last few years.
“I want to see you happy, Riker. Maybe I can be in your wedding.”
“Whoa, whoa.” I wave my hand in front of the screen. “When did we get to weddings?”
For an instant, I picture Libby and Harper meeting.Oh, that’s strange.“I told you about a woman I spent a few days with because her condo was right next to mine.”
“Yeah, but you’re still thinking about her, because something about her made you open up.”
“Libby—” I stiffen, shifting in my seat.I can’t believe I just did that. “What are you trying to do to me?”
Harper laughs wildly. “Trying to get you to loosen up but it sounds like there’s a better candidate for that job.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Just remember what happened the last time you let work consume you.” All levity is gone. “You can make the improbable happen, if you try. I know you can.”
I close my eyes. “You know, you’re pretty frustrating yourself.”
* * *
For the fourth evening in a row, I’m still holed up at Cole Security, staring at my computer screen because I can’t be bothered to go home.
