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I nod. When I reach for the light switch, I hear a crunch in the corner. We both look over to where Spiegel has her face buried in her food bowl. “Guess she wanted a midnight snack.”
Riker remains stone-faced.
Flipping off the lights, I take him by the hand and lead him toward the couch in the living room.
“Libby—”
“You’re not going to sleep, so it’s pointless to just lay there.” I sit down on the end with my back to the arm.
Riker growls, twisting his head around and shifting his weight from side to side. He scrubs his fingers against his scalp until all of his hair stands on end.
“I’m not going to make you talk, Riker. Just sit with me.”
His shoulders rise and fall at an uneven pace. I’m worried he’s just going to run off right now in the middle of the night, and the whole scene fractures something inside of my chest. He obviously isn’t going to sit, so I climb to my feet again to face him.
“Riker, stay with me.” I run my fingers over his jawline. “I promise you, I can handle this. You held me when I was hurt and terrified to close my eyes. If you don’t want to sit, I wouldn’t really suggest a walk around here right now, but we can figure it out.”
His eyelids slowly fall, and he swallows hard. “I’ll sit with you.”
I sit with my back to the arm of the couch again, pulling Riker to me so his back is against my chest. Then, I twist my hair to the left to prevent the strands from brushing against his shoulder and lay my cheek against the top of his head.
His shaking seems to slow, but I can hear his teeth grinding together. Then, he inhales and blows out a quick breath. “When I close my eyes, I see the flash.”
“Is that what brought back the pain?”
Rubbing his hand over his mouth, he pulls at the hair on his chin. “Not just that. It’s what I see inside.”
I twist my neck so I can see the side of his face. “In the room?”
“No,” he says faintly. “In the flash. The shrapnel that hit my arm wasn’t shrapnel….”
My chest flutters, and I brush my fingers over his hair.
“He was in front of me. He took the blast. What hit me was… It was something else.”
Oh my god.I kiss the top of his head, realizing it wasn’t just the explosion that had hit him. He’d been hit by pieces of a team member he’d just watched get annihilated. My stomach turns, but I suppress my physical response, determined to keep it together. I told him I could handle it, and I will.
“He was younger. Just started seeing someone, and he was so excited to go home to her.” Riker unclenches his fists and laces his fingers through mine over his chest. “Now that you know what I see at night, you still think we can figure something out?”
Laying my head over his left shoulder, I nudge his neck with my nose. “Yes. I do.”
Understanding the pain he’s been carrying around breaks my heart, but the fact that he would trust me with those details, makes me even more confident we can find a way through it. I press my lips to his neck, feeling his coarse scruff against my face. “You haven’t really talked about it, have you?”
“No. Some people know. It’s just something you don’t talk about.”
“Well, I’m here. You obviously know how to find me or call me. I don’t care what time it is, if you want to talk, or you just want me to ramble in my usual ridiculous, snarky way.”
Riker sorts and shakes his head.
“I know I’ll never fully understand, and most of my stories are lame or silly but—”
He kisses my forehead, letting out a long breath, and I finally feel his muscles relax. “Thank you, Libby.”
Spiegel barks and we both sit straight up. Riker takes off for the kitchen ahead of me, as Spiegel’s bark seems to grow more distant.
The back door swings on its hinges, and Riker runs out and off the porch. Following his trajectory, I spot someone in a hoodie trying to climb over the back fence to get away from Spiegel.
Frozen in the doorway, I try to catch my breath, but it’s impossible.
