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“You’re too proud.”
“Hey now.”
She shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “No, I get it, it’s a guy thing. Guys can’t admit they need help; guys want to be in control; guys don’t like to feel stupid.”
That’s a sweeping generalization. . .but she just described all the things I hate.
Asking for help.
Being out of control.
Feeling stupid.
“Okay, so, you’re right. I don’t like feeling stupid.” I sit back on my stool. “But I’m not proud, Emmy,” I say. “I’ve been doing this for years.”
“No, you really haven’t,” she says, pointing the piping bag at me. “You wouldn’t accept accommodations in high school either, remember?”
I look away. She still knows me. Better than anyone else.
“It doesn’t make you weak, Owen. There’s a reason they exist.”
“You don’t think it’s like special treatment?”
She frowns. “Is a ramp for someone in a wheelchair special treatment?”
That’s exactly what I’d said. I hadn’t told her that.
I blow out a breath. I hate that I have these “differences” at all. I’m not sure how to make peace with it when it seems to be the root of so many of my problems.
My parents made me see a therapist after my diagnosis, and she told me the reason I acted out was because I felt misunderstood. But she was wrong. It wasn’t because I felt misunderstood, it was because I felt stupid.
And I knew I wasn’t stupid.
I just couldn’t prove it.
Emmy sets a hand on mine.
It feels different than before, knowing what I know now.
I’m not sure what to make of it.
“Doctors and therapists and people who know way more about it than us have figured out a way to level the playing field,” she says. “That’s all. You can’t let ignorant opinions of idiots get in your head.” She squeezes my hand. “You deserve to be a lieutenant. Heck, you deserve to be the captain. And whatever’s a higher rank than a captain.”
I smirk. “Chief.”
“That! Yes!” Another squeeze.
“You really think I should do it?”
“I really do.”
Her hand is still on mine. There’s a single light on in the entire shop, and Lindsay’s words are racing through my mind.
What if she’s right?
What if I had feelings for Emmy and didn’t even realize it?
It doesn’t matter. Emmy is absolutely one of those girls who agrees with that lady on The Hopeful Romantic podcast.
