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On Episode 102: Waiting in Waukesha, I helped a man plan a big, public grand gesture to propose to his girlfriend. I’d been especially proud to do a follow-up to that episode a few months later, when he sent in photos of their engagement.
My new Internet troll doesn’t see it that way.
Why encourage this kind of public display? If you love someone, why isn’t a quiet, private moment enough to decide you want to spend the rest of your lives together? Does the whole Internet need to be in on it?
You’re raising the bar way too high that now even high school kids feel like they have to rent a mariachi band and create a mural just to ask a girl to prom.
I get three more notifications like these before I finally get up and walk away.
Practical in Poughkeepsie.
Not a fan.
I’ve had critical reviews before, even a few upset listeners. But never anyone who left this many comments all in the span of thirty-five minutes. It’s like he stock-piled his tirade for an unexpected moment and has chosen now to unleash his fury.
Apparently Practical in Poughkeepsie has a lot of thoughts.
I have other emails I could and probably should respond to, but these comments have gotten under my skin. I copy and paste each of them into a separate document. These will take the place of the email I usually read at the top of the show.
I open the DAW, set a new file path, and check the levels on the mic. I affix my headphones over my ears, position the microphone in front of me, and click “Record.”
“Hello and welcome to The Hopeful Romantic, where we analyze, digest and discuss all things romance. Today’s episode is brought to you by Barely There chemical free makeup for women who don’t want to feel like they’re made up.
“Today I’m going a little off script to respond not to an email, but to a series of comments that have caught my attention from a new listener who calls himself Practical in Poughkeepsie. I say ‘himself’ because after reading the comments, I’m pretty sure this is a male listener. And a pretty cynical one.
“First, let me start by saying, Practical in Poughkeepsie, I don’t know who did a number on you, but I’m sorry. Whoever broke your heart did a very thorough job. And while you raise a few interesting points, it seems you’re a little bitter when it comes to romance. Maybe for good reason. Contrary to what you think, though, there are men out there who will go the extra mile when it comes to love.”
I read his reply to my most recent episode, and then go on, maintaining a kind, somewhat withdrawn tone. I’m not picking a fight here, just responding, as I often do, to my listeners.
“Practicality, while important, sometimes seems at odds with what I’m holding out for—but I make no apologies for believing in romance. I’ve been doing this long enough to know that if you love someone enough, you’ll do just about anything for them. Even dance in the middle of the street and steal kisses in the rain.
“We can all agree that love and romance, intertwined, make you do some pretty crazy things! There’s a reason it’s an accepted fact that love makes fools of us all.”
I hit the spacebar and pause, taking a drink.
After resting for a moment, I click “Record” one more time and continue.
“You also made the point that being single is often a choice—and has nothing to do with loneliness. It’s a good point. For those of you out there who feel the same, I’d challenge you to examine Poughkeepsie’s theory. Are you single because you’re choosing to be? Or are you single because you’re afraid of putting yourself out there? If you’re afraid, you wouldn’t be alone. Lots of people struggle to find love after being burned one too many times. But I truly believe that we’re meant for relationships. We’re supposed to seek companionship. And friendship. And yes, love and romance.”
I think about Owen. I think about what Mack said about how his break-up with Lindsay changed him. Practically turned him into a different person.
For a moment, without thinking, I talk about him.
“I have a friend who went through a terrible, public break-up.” I decide to change the gender just for an added layer of anonymity. “She was really broken by the whole thing. Devastated, really, because the way she was treated was truly awful. She’s this great person, but now keeps people at an arm’s length, withdrawn, and tentative, and closed off.
“Rightfully so. She needed to give herself time to heal, to mourn, to feel all the emotions, because when you stuff those down, they’ll resurface later. So, she did. She took time. Moved away, got things worked out, and grew up.
“But what my friend failed to see, even after the healing and the mourning, was that she had a whole community of people who loved her. And that she was worthy of holding out for something really great. Instead, she decided to put up a wall, vowing to never fall in love again. So far, she’s stayed true to her word, and that makes me really sad. Because I know there’s someone out there who would love the opportunity to go stargazing in the back of a pick-up truck with her. And yeah, who would listen when she’s had a bad day and take out the garbage and do pretty much anything to make her happy.”
I know because I am that person, I think as I hit the spacebar and stop the recording again.
This just took a really personal turn, and I don’t like it. I’m not here to air my own dirty laundry, anonymously or not. Okay. Finish strong.
Click.
“I suppose I just want to challenge you, Practical in Poughkeepsie, to ask yourself if your negative response to my hopefulness is really about me being unrealistic, or about you being closed off. I would hate to see you miss out on something wonderful because you were hurt in the past.
“You’re worth it. And someone out there thinks the same.”
