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I’m taking tissues now purely to keep my hands occupied and amassing quite the damp pile. “But what if it never happens?”
Raya shifts, turning herself toward Poppy and me. “What if you don’t give up on it, but put it on pause so you can make yourself more of a priority?”
“How?”
“Find the things that make you happy, apart from what anyone else thinks, and focus on those things,” Raya says.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” I admit.
“Well, what makes you happy?” Poppy asks.
I sit with that question. What does make me happy?
A clear thought drops into my mind.
“I really like my job.”
My sisters exchange a look.
“And it’s not because of Gray,” I insist, cutting off their assumptions.
“Are you sure?” Raya asks.
I look at her. “Yes. I’m sure. I think I might actually be good at taking care of people. I . . . I really like it.”
“Well, of course you like it,” Poppy says. “You’re great at it.”
I sit up. “I like what I do. I like feeling like I’m helping.” I think about this for a long moment and start to settle down. “But I think maybe you’re right, Raya.”
Poppy practically spits out her drink. “Uh, mark the date. I think you just said Raya was right.”
I smile through wet eyes. “Make myself a priority. At least . . . at least for now. I should stop caring so much if everyone likes me.” I shrug. “Stop pleasing everyone else and just find what I love.”
But what if I discover I love a guy I can’t have?
“I don’t mean you stop being you, El,” Raya says, frowning at Poppy. “Just maybe, when it comes to Gray, be a bit more guarded. Focus on other things.”
I sit up.
Maybe that’s it.
All of these emotions, these connections, these ties—they’re all connected to him.
“That makes sense. I don’t have to stop being me, just stop being me around him.” I smirk. “I’ll channel you, Raya. You’re good at keeping people at an arm’s length. I’ll be Professional Eloise with Gray all the time.”
“I think you’ve been trying that with him ever since you got this job,” Poppy says. “The real Eloise always comes through.”
She has a point. How many times have I resigned myself to focusing on the work aspect of my job and not the romantic feelings that unfortunately accompany it?
But this time will be different.
It has to be.
Because I don’t ever want to feel this way again.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Gray
