Page 32 of The Imperial

I got to my feet and began pulling on my clothes again, and if my hands were shaking too, no one needed to know that but me.

My beautiful boy was sitting cross-legged on the bed, his typpid still hard and jutting up from his body. I made myself turn away, though he was holding out his hand to me. I knew the king would want to speak to me next, and I had to pull myself together before I talked to him. That would be impossible to do if I kept looking at Rakkur.

It seemed a long time later that the haze over my eyes began to fade and I felt like myself again. I knew it couldn’t have been as long as it had seemed, though, because Rakkur was still talking and now was motioning for me to come and sit beside him. I shook my head and gestured toward the door, and then before he could stop me, I left the room to put some badly needed distance between us. The king would have to wait.

I needed to think and figure this out. I had almost succumbed to my emotions and feelings for the prince. Now that I’d shown Rakkur how I really felt, could I go back to the way it was before? I needed to try. I knew I did. Just because I had feelings for him didn’t mean I could turn my back on my oath. As the Alliance marines used to say, I was fucked. Rakkur would think I deliberately led him on, and hadn’t I done exactly that?

I knew the right thing to do. The problem was I didn’t want to do it. I wasn’t sure I could find the courage to turn my back on him again.

I made it to the wardroom and signaled for the bartender to take my order. The thing about liquor was that it always has time to listen to your problems and tell you that you’re doing the right thing. The room was crowded with other Imperials, but not one of them came over to me, recognizing, I suppose, that I desperately needed to be alone just then.

“Bring me visu,” I told the bartender. “And leave the bottle.”

****

Rakkur

The ship arrived in Loros early in the morning of the next day. I was asleep when we arrived and didn’t wake up until Tariq knocked softly on my door to rouse me. I stumbled from bed and flung it open. He bowed slightly to me—the first time since we left Tygeria, I think. I’d thought we were over such formalities, but it looked as if we were right back where we’d started. After he’d left the way he had and never come back the evening before, I’d searched for him. I’d finally managed to reassure my parents that I was fine. The captain had filled them in on the details and apparently smoothed over the worst of it, and I didn’t feel the need to expand a great deal on his explanations. It would only worry them to know how close I’d come to dying.

Before I could go find Tariq, I got a call from Prince Mikol. He’d been informed of the situation, and I had to explain things all over again. He expressed his concern and said he’d see me as soon as we arrived on Loros. He told me that the king I was coming there to meet hadn’t arrived yet but was expected very soon.

I confess I didn’t pay much attention. I wanted only to end the conversation and go after Tariq so we could finish what we’d started. By the time I’d put my clothes on again and tracked him down to the wardroom, I found him sitting with a group of other Imperials at a big table along the back wall, all of them drinking heavily. I slipped quietly away and went back to my room. I thought he might still come to me later that evening, but he never did.

I was honestly confused and a little angry. Once when I was around four cycles old, my brother, Anarr and his husband had taken me along on one of their voyages to Earth. We visited a place Anarr called an amusement park. Anarr said it was well-known, and he thought I’d have a good time. Most of the old fashioned “rides” intimidated me—I was probably too young for them. So Anarr put me on one of the ones for smaller children called a “Mary-Go-Around,” or something like that. He thought it would be fun for me, and though I enjoyed it for a few minutes, I quickly got bored and wanted to get off. I hated going around and around in a never-ending circle, but I hadn’t been able to get Anarr’s attention to take me off, and I’d promised him I wouldn’t jump off by myself. He was standing nearby, supposedly watching me, but his husband Renard was with him. Renard had his arm around Anarr’s waist, kissing his neck like he did sometimes, and I think they both forgot all about me for a while.

Around and around, I went, the scenery never changing. The lights swirled past and the stupid, alien music blaring in my head. My stomach was hurting, and I could feel some of the unfamiliar foods I’d eaten all day threatening to make a reappearance. Finally, Anarr noticed my distress and came to get me off, but I still remember how much I hated that experience and never wanted to repeat it.

Now here I was, stuck on what felt like that Mary-Go-Around again. This time it was Tariq who’d put me on there and forgot all about me, as I went around, soaring up and then plunging back down, over and over again. I hated this ride, and I wanted off.

So when I opened the door to Tariq the next morning, I didn’t mention the fact he’d started something he hadn’t finished, and that it was just as dishonorable in its own way. I made no complaints at all and simply nodded when he said we had arrived on Loros. I told him I’d join him for first meal in a few minutes. He looked at me oddly but nodded, and I closed the door in his face.

We had very little conversation at first meal, and then I left to go back to my room and get ready to disembark. We hadn’t been able to dock yet, but the captain had announced that we were about to. I had literally nothing to get ready, except for the clothes on my back, the same ones I’d been wearing the day before. Mikol had assured me when I’d spoken to him that he’d have new clothing and toiletries waiting for me when I arrived. I reminded him about my medicine too, and he told me he’d have his physicians provide some for me. It wasn’t good to miss too many days.

Besides, “getting ready” was my excuse not to have to sit at the table and make awkward conversation with Tariq.

After we docked, I went down the ramp to greet Mikol. Tariq had followed me off the ship, looking devastatingly handsome, as always, in his impressive black uniform, and I overheard him exchanging friendly greetings with Mikol as I left him and went directly over to Kalen, Mikol’s husband.

I liked Kalen, and I was proud of the fact that I’d been one of the ones who had helped him regain his throne when his evil uncle had tried to steal it from him just after he and Mikol were married. Kalen was about the same size as I was, and very handsome. He had long, dark, wavy hair, pulled back and tied behind his head, and his eyes were almost the same color as mine. We were around the same age too, which made for a nice change.

Mikol was older than Kalen by a few years, and he and Tariq were close enough to the same age that they knew each other fairly well. In fact, after embracing me, Mikol and Tariq stood talking together way too long, in my opinion, and Mikol seemed overly happy about seeing him again. It seemed they’d gone to some training school together at some point or maybe they had served together. Whatever.

Mikol even put his arm around Tariq’s shoulders as we walked back toward the palace, in the Tygerian way, their heads close together. They were loud and laughed a lot and completely ignored me and Kalen.

In the Tygerian way.

The palace was a massive building, built out of dark red, mortared stone. I remembered the last time I’d ascended those steep steps that led to the massive front doors. I’d been carried up them, hidden inside a wooden crate, ready to spring out and attack Kalen’s uncle Nerol, who had been holding Mikol prisoner in his dungeons.

The difference between the castle then and now was striking. It was much cleaner now, for one thing, with the grounds much more manicured and cared for. A gigantic flag of Loros flew from a flagpole by the entrance on one side and a smaller flag of the Axis flew on the other, indicating, Kalen told me, the Prince’s status and the fact he was in residence.

I walked beside Kalen, and Tariq and Mikol walked behind us. I thought I could feel Tariq’s energy, and I was hyper-aware of every move he made. I wished I wasn’t. It certainly didn’t seem to be doing me any good.

“When is this king coming?” I asked Kalen in a loud, carrying voice. “I’m anxious to meet him. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be my husband one day.”

Mikol smiled, looking amused. “You sound more enthusiastic than you did earlier at least. He should be here tomorrow.”

“His name, by the way, is King Edam,” Mikol explained to Tariq. “He’s from a planet called Myr, in a neighboring solar system. They were allies of the Alliance during the war, like Loros was, but he and his ministers say they’d like to forge a closer alliance now with Tygeria.”

“And I guess that’s where Prince Rakkur comes in,” Tariq replied. “What’s in it for Tygeria?”

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