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Yet, from the moment he showed up at my clinic, Walla Walla’s only had eyes for me.
Right now, I soak in his affection. I feel so unburdened yet mentally disorganized. I can’t control the words coming out of my mouth. I also keep humping him. Walla Walla might be right about the edible kicking in.
“I can’t imagine giving up riding my motorcycles,” Walla Walla says as his lips brush across my forehead. “I feel like I’m more than a man when I ride. One day, I might get too old or injured to ride. It’ll break me a little to give up that feeling.”
Walla Walla presses his forehead against mine and stares into my eyes. “Maybe after all this time, you could ride again.”
I shake my head and grip his T-shirt. “Have you ever had a panic attack?”
“No, but I used to get really stressed with my parents’ lessons. Nothing was ever about being normal or living life. I had to constantly pass one test or another.”
Stroking his face, I ask, “What kind of tests?”
Walla Walla considers my question and recalls an unhappy time in his life. “One test was my mom gave me a sucker. We never got to have candy, so I was excited. Then, the bitch put a jagged rock in my shoe. She had me walk up and down the block, eating my sucker while walking on the rock. When I finished the sucker, I came to the house. I complained about my foot bleeding. She said I failed the test. Rather than enjoying God’s blessings, I’d focused on life’s trials. Then, my dad swatted me and sent me to bed without dinner.”
Cupping his face, I blurt out, “Your parents sound insane.”
“They had so many lessons from their church.”
“Was the point of the lessons to make you fear them or become submissive?”
“They claimed I needed to be more humble or generous. Like, they’d give snacks to one kid all week and deprive the rest of us. We were expected to watch our sibling eat the snacks. It was to teach us how we should share God’s blessings with others, but I just learned how much I hated my siblings. They’d get so snotty when it was their turn to be the chosen one.”
“How did you act during your turn?”
Frowning, Walla Walla mutters, “I never got picked for that shit. My parents viewed me as a lost cause, so I got none of the carrots and only the sticks.”
“I don’t have to ever be nice to these people, do I?”
Walla Walla smiles. “I’d be a little hurt if you were nice to them. They were really mean to me when I was little. I get how they hated the teenage version of me. I was a dick to them by them, sneaking out all the time and running with a crowd they viewed as low class. But as a kid, I was cute and cuddly. They were mean to that kid, and I’m holding a grudge.”
“Good. You deserve everything.”
Walla Walla smiles as his gaze warms. “That’s why I talked you into coming with me, even though you weren’t ready. I’m not good at depriving myself.”
“We should fuck, then,” I say despite fearing him seeing me stripped down.
“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman. The first time I saw you, my heart got this odd, fluttering heat,” he says and pats his chest. “The feeling was intense, and I was excited to know you. But then, I found out how you were just a kid. Soon, you disappeared. I considered tracking you down, but I couldn’t think of a way to make that happen without coming off like a creep. Eventually, I accepted how it was never going to happen.”
Walla Walla kisses me so tenderly before whispering, “But here you are. I get my chance to win your heart. I plan to do that by not rushing you into my bed.”
Frowning, I look down at his hands on my hips. “You want me.”
“Yes.”
“And I want you.”
“Yes, but you’re not fully you right now. This Austen isn’t the real one. Tomorrow, you’ll be you, and I can’t chance you resenting me for going too far.”
Pressing my body against his, I ask, “Can I stay like this for a while longer? Tomorrow, when my brain is fully on, I’ll remember how we did this without me freaking out. I do well when I can use facts against my crazy.”
Walla Walla answers me with a kiss. His arms wrap around my body, keeping me pinned to him. Freed of my usual overthinking, I run my fingers through his hair, suck at his throat, and rub my breasts against his chest. I’m wildly inappropriate considering how I know we can’t take this make-out session to its natural fruition.
Yet, I haven’t felt so unburdened in so long. Nothing can distract from the heat between us. For tonight, I leave the past behind and only see Walla Walla.
MARTIN
Leaving Austen in her room is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. She’s so open and affectionate. This wilder side of her is intoxicating. I’ve never been any good at telling myself no. I get edgy when I think I’m missing out.
