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"You want me, though, what does tomorrow matter?"
"A lot. Everything," I say, not able to keep the acid out of my tone. "Look around you. All of this belongs to you and stays with you. I'm not a part of this world, and I don't get to keep it when I cross the line."
"You're shaking—" he says, and takes my hands in his, holding them gently. "Why would you have to leave?"
I stare at him like he's crazy.
"Didn't you lose your last nanny because you couldn't keep your hands off her?" I ask, pulling away from him. "Or are you focused on—"
"Your breasts?" He asks, wry grin twisting into place again. My mouth opens and he reaches for me. My hand comes up before I can stop it, and I slap him across the face.
It's so hard and loud that across the ring, Madeline stops short, her pony halting in a skid. Jethro shouts out in surprise.
My whole body goes cold, the blood draining from it.
Oh.
God.
Benedict's staring at me, frozen in place, like he never in a million years imagined someone laying hands on him.
Let alone a servant.
The shakes start in my gut. I touched nobility. Hit a high-born. The shudder rolls right through me.
There's one thing that's more unforgivable socially than touching and being touched in our master-servant relationship. And that's an act of violence. That's not just unforgivable, that'scriminal.
"I—" My eyes are wet. I've just ruined everything. I should've let him have what he wanted, taken from me until he was bored and left me to my own devices. Someone like Lord Benedict is looking for a fun time, not a long time, and now— my whole life is forfeit. Cracked and spilled through my fingers.
"Well," he says, glancing away, his whole demeanor shifting. "That told me, didn't it." He whistles to Madeline. "Go on then, canter again!"
I think I'm going to be sick. I can't move, waiting for the universe to crumble around me.
"Meet me in my room tonight," he says into my ear as Madeline turns away, Jethro casting us a dubious glance before focusing again on his charge.
I inhale, sharp. He grabs my knee, fingers wrapping around it and he stares at me.
"If you don't want me to speak of this to my brother, you will meet me in my room, tonight, after everyone goes to bed."
There's a solid lump in my throat I can't seem to swallow down. I stare at him, the shaking starting to subside, my whole body feeling numb and chilled.
I nod, once, and he smiles, dark and meaningful.
"Good girl," he says, his voice pitched quiet and low.
Oh god. What… have I done.
What is he going to do?
I turn back to watch Madeline, and he gets up, the bleachers ringing out as he steps down and walks away.
16
Eva
Maddie was so tired that she went to bed before dinner, and I took my meal down with the rest of the staff in the servant's halls. We eat well in the duke's house, better even than I did in Paris, which is saying something. I never had things like grilled salmon with a lemon-cremesauce there, and I deeply wish I could enjoy it.
Instead I'm picking at it, flaking my salmon filet away bit by bit, leaving a mess on my plate. Mrs. Harris gives me a look.
