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“He’s still in town, prepared to do anything he can to get her to leave with him.” He shrugs, and just hearing that has me wanting to smash Daniel-whoever-the-fuck-he-is’s face into a wall. “But you know Savannah, she’s stubborn, and the saddest thing ‘bout it all is that she doesn’t wanna go with him because she’s in love with you.” I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever seen Garrett look so disappointed in me, and my brothers have forgiven me for a lot.
“I don’t blame you for what happened with Mom, and I sure as hell don’t hate you.” I think about what he said earlier and have to correct him. I can’t have him leave here thinkin’ that.
“Maybe not, but you're mad at me for letting her go. You think I should have killed her.” His forehead creases as he tries to read my thoughts.
The poor fucker ain’t gotta a clue.
“I think you did what you thought was right, and that you're a much better man than I am.” I take a seat at the table and hang my head.
“Come home, Cole. You don’t belong here,” he tells me.
“I don’t know where I belong anymore.” I let the words slip out and when I eventually look back up, I hate having to see the hurt and confusion on my brother’s face.
“You're a Carson, and Carson’s don’t give up on each other. I need you beside me tomorrow when we lay Dalton to rest.”
“I’ll be there.” I swallow the lump in my throat before I make him a promise.
“You can hide out here all you like, but it won’t change anythin’. You owe that girl who's fallen in love with ya an explanation,” he tells me.
“I gave her an explanation. I’m too… I’m damaged, Garrett, damaged beyond bein’ fixed and you know that. Even if I wanted to love someone again, I wouldn’t let myself.” He doesn’t make any attempt to argue with me because deep down he knows I’m right.
“How about you move into the cabin at the Line Camp? You’ll have your privacy, but you’ll be home.”
“And the girl?” I guess what he’s suggesting is fair. I don’t like being away from my family, despite what I try to convince myself to believe.
“I’ll speak to her, tell her you need your space,” he assures me.
“And you really think she’ll listen?” I look up and manage to snigger at him. Garrett knows as well as I do how stubborn Savannah can be.
“Like I said, she’s in love with ya. She cares about ya, and she knows you belong back on the ranch. Right now, I think she’d agree to just about anythin’.”
“You tell her to keep her distance.” This time it’s me pointing my finger at him.
“You got my word,” he assures me.
“And we find somewhere for these dogs to go. I ain’t leaving ‘em out here to starve and they ain’t getting euthanized. Like I said, none of what they did was their fault.”
“We’ll figure somethin’ out, and while we do, I’ll have someone from the ranch stop by and make sure they’re taken care of.” He nods his head in agreement.
“And no more family dinners. I can’t face ‘em,” I admit.
“You got it.”
“Then, I’ll see ya tomorrow,” I promise.
“Tomorrow.” Garrett lifts his hat off his head and smiles sadly as he leaves.
It’s heartbreaking to stand and watch Dalton being carried to his final resting place. Garrett and Mitch lead, with Wade and Cole bearing the weight of the casket in the middle, and Tate and Finn take the rear. The six of them work in perfect sequence to lay him down so the priest can say his words. I stare across the open grave at Cole. It’s been over a week since he left the ranch and I hate that I’m too far away to comfort him when the anger in his eyes gets drowned out by tears.
Maisie tells me Garrett has convinced him to come home, and I really hope that’s true. He needs his family around him right now, and knowing that I’m the reason why he left and has been alone through all this has been eating away at me. It’s selfish of me to have stayed, every day I’ve woken up and tried to convince myself that I should leave with Daniel. But come lunchtime I’ve talked myself out of it.
“Come on.” Leia places her arm around Maisie and takes my hand, leading us away so Mitch and the Carson brothers share their final moments with Dalton alone. I can’t help looking back over my shoulder and when I catch Cole looking at me I wish I could read the look on his face.
“I’ll get back to the house and start preparing for everyone to come back,” I offer, knowing that soon the Copper RidgeRanch will be full of people. Some of them paying respects, and others just being curious. It’s the last thing this family needs, but Garrett was adamant that things get done properly.
“I appreciate that.” Maisie smiles at me as she starts strapping the triplets into the back of Garrett’s truck with some help from Leia, and I leave them to it so I can catch a ride with the River Boys. They’re nothing like their normal selves. Today, there’s no banter between them, just a somber silence that weighs real heavy for the whole journey back to the ranch. They share a special bond with the Carson brothers. I’ve seen the brand on Cole’s chest and know they share the same mark. I also know that it means they lost a brother too.
I busy myself when I get back to the house, avoiding Cole by spending the afternoon offering coffee and handing out the sandwiches and cake, which me and Josie made before she had to leave so she could take care of Everleigh. But as hard as I try, I can’t stop seeking out Cole. He’s present, yet nobody’s speaking to him. He’s giving off the vibe that he doesn’t want them to. Being so close and feeling detached from him makes me want to cry, but I made Maisie a promise and as hurtful as it might be, it’s a small price to pay to have him home again.
