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“Are you nervous? I can sense something’s wrong.” He frowns when I flinch.
“Nothing’s wrong, it’s just a lot. A rehearsal dinner tonight, the big day tomorrow, I’m just tired.” I give him another one of my lame excuses.
“You were the one who wanted a shotgun wedding, there’s already rumors flying round that you're pregnant.” He laughs as he heads for my bedside table and picks up the necklace he gave me for my twenty-first birthday.
“Not much chance of that, though. You haven’t wanted me to touch you since you came back.” He fiddles with it awkwardly as he sits on the bed, and I can tell by the look on his face that he’s hurt.
“I just thought that since the break?—”
“Don’t call it that.” He looks up at me and shakes his head. “We didn’t break up, you were just having some time to yourself before you committed. It was a perfectly logical thing to do. And we’re here now so nothing else matters.” He smiles bravely.
“I was just explaining?—”
“So I see you’ve been looking through the brochures?” He changes the subject again, picking up the brochures he bought over a few nights ago for us to look through. A three-week trip to Europe for our honeymoon was a real sweet thought, but it seems hard to get excited about anything these days.
“Yeah, I can’t wait… Do you think we should head downstairs? The rehearsal starts in an hour and Mom will probably need some help.” I straighten out my dress and head for the door, but he quickly stands up and blocks me.
“They have staff for that, why don’t we enjoy a little time alone?” He brushes the hair back off my face and moves in to kiss me, and I feel awful when my stomach lunges. How am I supposed to marry this man and sleep beside him every night if I can’t even bring myself to kiss him properly?
“Daniel,” I laugh as I press my hand to his chest and gently push him back. “It’s one more night, I think this could make our wedding night really special.” I try to convince him, and myself, but his head drops in disappointment.
“It’s because of what happened, isn’t it?” I haven’t spoken to Daniel about what happened when I was taken as much as I should have, but he knows the basics of it.
My parents were horrified when I told them, which I only did because I had to. My dreams seem to get worse instead of better and they hear them. Dad wants me to see a therapist, while Mom insists it’ll get better once the wedding’s over. Dan does exactly what I need him to and never mentions it, at least he hasn’t until now.
“I understand, and I can be patient, you're worth it, Savannah, at least with me it will be familiar,” he assures me, making me feel even worse for dragging him into this life of pretense.
Daniel has so much love to offer, and it’s gonna be wasted on me because I left all the broken pieces of my heart back in Montana and came back to him empty.
“You’re a great guy,” I tell him, kissing his cheek and holding my hair to the side so he can fix the necklace in place for me.
“I’ll be an even greater guy when I’m your husband.” He kisses my neck when he’s done, and it makes my skin crawl but I smile for him regardless.
“Come on, let’s go see if your mom wants help with anything.” He takes my hand and starts dragging me toward the door.
“I slept with him.” The words tumble from my mouth and when Daniel slowly turns around and faces me, I can’t read his expression. “Cole, I slept with him.” Just saying his name makes me want to cry.
“I know,” he whispers, surprising me that he was aware and that he’s being so calm about it.
“You know, but how?”
“I could tell from the way he looked at you. I could tell from the way you looked at him.” He laughs at me then shrugs. I get the sense he’s more disappointed than mad.
“And you still want this…?” I give him a chance to back out, probably because I hope he does. Which seems so stupid since this whole thing was my idea.
“Marriage is about forgiveness. I’m sure there will be plenty of things you will have to forgive me for at some point.” He smiles before kissing my forehead. “You’re where you belong now, Savannah, it doesn’t matter what it took to bring you back to me.” I let him lead me out the room and into the grand hall,with a feeling of dread balled up in my stomach and an ache where my heart should be.
“You okay, mister?” The little girl sitting beside me stares down at my white knuckles as I grip the armrest and remind myself to breathe.
“I’m fine, kid,” I grit through my teeth and keep counting in my head. Every time this thing hits an air pocket I feel my stomach flip over, and I convince myself it’s the start of the plummet to my death.
“Scared of flyin’, huh?” She continues to try and start a conversation. I lean forward and look to her mom, who’s got her headphones in and her eyes closed tight.
“Don’t much care for it, no,” I admit, keeping my eyes closed and my focus on getting to Savannah. I’m gonna break that Danny asshole’s spine in half.
“I used to be, but since my mom and dad broke up I’ve had to take flights twice a month. “Daddy lives in Riverside now with his girlfriend. She’s more plastic than Barbie and far too young for him,” she informs me casually.
“Guess your momma told ya that, huh?” I laugh to myself while keeping my eyes firmly closed.
