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I just wasn’t ready to be dumped into a ready-made family. I’m still not, but now here I am.
“Mom,” I try and keep the exasperation out of my voice, “you were more than enough family for me. You know that. I’m happy you Albert.”
“But in doing that and moving, I lost my daughter,” I can hear the tears in her voice.
“You didn’t lose me. I’m right here.”
“I know,” she lets out a shuddering breath, “and I’m so grateful that you’ve finally moved to Phoenix, even if you did need to go and help your friends right away.” There’s nothing sarcastic in her words, even if they are a little brighter and cheerful than I know is truthful.
She had been trying to get me to move for a long time, but I kept putting her off. Maybe it was some resentment or bitterness. She gained more than just a husband when she met Albert. She gained three sons, even though they were grown by then.
She never put me in a position to feel left behind, but I can admit, to myself in the dark, I did feel a little like she chose them over me. She moved to Phoenix and started a whole new life. One which didn’t involve me.
But she wanted it too. Desperately.
Every time I spoke with her, for years, she would ask me to move or come down and meet the guys. They never came with her when she would visit me in Seattle with Albert. I was more than okay with the arrangement we had. What the hell am I supposed to do with three stepbrothers?
I had more than enough brotherly love from most of the guys of the DSMC. There was no way I needed more protection. The club was the family I found, the one I accepted. I didn’t want to change it, but mom has a way about her that wore me down.
It just took years to do.
Now I’m here.
When I don’t say anything for a minute, she tentatively asks, “You’re still starting work on Monday, right?”
I straighten up even though she can’t see me. Having my business degree is finally coming in handy. Even though I used it from time to time when helping a chapter of the DSMC, this job will be different. I’m not all that versed in real estate, but I understand business and I can only hope I can be useful.
I certainly already owe the company and my stepfather a lot, anyway, considering the genuinely nice apartment I’m currently in. I snuggle deeper into the couch and try not to let my nerves eat me from the inside out. I’ve never worked in an office setting before.
I hope I don’t embarrass myself. Or my mom.
“Of course,” my voice sounds confident as I force it past my lips, which is far better than the anxious quiver I want to let out.
“Good,” she sighs with relief I feel to my bones.
Maybe I waited too long to let mom talk me into moving. We were all each other had for a long time, except for my best friend Evelyn. At least until she left for school in New York immediately after our high school graduation. Since we reconnected, I know now why she left so suddenly, but at the time it hurt.
My life went back to mom and me against the world. Then mom met Albert and I was left to find my own path. And I did. I found my way forward and a family bound by something other than blood.
I never told mom everything about my life and never mentioned my involvement with the Devil’s Saints. She probably would have come back up to Seattle and packed me up herself if she had known. Hopefully that secret can stay right where it belongs.
“I’m really tired from traveling for so long, Mom. I’m going to take a shower, unpack, and get some sleep,” I keep my voice gentle because I don’t want her to think I’m itching to get off the phone with her even though I am.
“Of course, honey,” she chirps. “I’m going to let you get settled in your new place and at work, but then we’ll have a family dinner.”
My stomach drops at the thought of it. Family dinner. I want to scream and throw a total hissy fit while telling her they aren’t my family, but I don’t. Instead, I force myself to tell her goodnight with a smile on my face that I know doesn’t reach my eyes. It’s all show, but that’s par for the course on how I feel about most of my life.
Even though I told my mom I was going to unpack, I don’t. I flop back on the couch and start surfing through social media looking for something, anything, to take my mind off how I can’t run away from the inevitable anymore. I’m going to meet my stepbrothers. I’m going to be working for them. I’m going to have to find a way to fit into a family I never really wanted to begin with.
Yeah, I’m going to need some type of distraction.
Hopefully one involving orgasms.
I’ve never been one to hop on hook-up apps or anything because that shit is dangerous. I spent too much time around the club while they worked on fighting against trafficking in Seattle. I’m not going to put myself in that kind of situation, especially when they’re not at my back.
Fuck, if I were to be rescued, which is a big fucking if, they would never let me live it down. And they’d probably put me on lockdown.
When I see an ad for a party at Club Ecstasy, I perk up. This might be exactly what I need. When I go to the club’s website to get details, I know it’s the perfect way to help me forget everything I’ve been running from for so damn long.
