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“The fire alarm went off, Dad.”
Placing a lid on a large pot of boiling water, Caleb grabbed a hand towel and dried his hands as he walked over to us. I didn’t bother looking at him. The continuous display of indifferenceand condemnation from him was something I could no longer tolerate. I knew he wouldn’t say anything while Sophia was here, but I wasn’t going to risk it.
Instead, I just held my daughter closer, breathing her in.
“Sweetie, go watch the garlic bread. I don’t have another loaf if I mess this one up.”
“But, Dad, I want to stay with Mom.”
“Mom is not going anywhere. Now go do as I asked, please.”
Our daughter sighed, releasing me and leaving me alone with her father. Deliberately avoiding his gaze, my concentration shifted towards the floor while I patiently awaited his dismissal.
“Largo, look at me.”
Instead of doing like he asked, I held out the collar to him. “I won’t wear this. I’m sorry.”
Seeing that he refused it, I released my hold on the leather collar, allowing it to drop from my hand and onto the floor. It was a blatant sign of disrespect and I knew he could punish me, but I meant every word I said.
I will never wear another collar again.
“Baby, please look at me.”
I slowly lifted my head and made a futile attempt to stop the tears that were cascading down my cheeks. The second my eyes connected with his, Caleb whispered, “Breathe, baby. You’re safe here.”
What the hell did he mean by that?
Confused, I stared at him, waiting for him to explain further. He was all over the map. One minute he couldn’t stand being in the same room with me, the next he acted like the loving husband I married. The man was giving me whiplash. I couldn’t keep up with him.
He wanted me or he didn’t.
I wish he would make up his damn mind.
“Go shower and freshen up. Your clothes are still in the closet. I changed nothing here. Everything is just like you left it.”
Nodding, I quickly left the room and headed for what was our bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Not wanting to make him any angrier, I took off Maxim’s coat, placing it on the bed, making a mental note to have his coat dry cleaned and returned to him as soon as possible. Walking into my former closet, I found all my clothes where he said they would be, where I’d left them.
Grabbing a comfortable shirt and a clean pair of leggings, I headed for the bathroom and turned on the shower. Once I had removed my dirty clothes, I took a step under the hot spray of water. The scalding water cascaded over me and I allowed it to wash away the dirt and grime, while simultaneously attempting to suppress the intense emotions that threatened to overpower me.
But it was too late.
When thoughts of him crossed my mind, an overwhelming surge of emotions caused my carefully constructed barriers to crumble, unleashing a torrent of gut-wrenching sobs that echoed through the room. I found myself dropping to the cold, unforgiving floor in a slow, sorrowful descent. In a heart-wrenching posture, with my arms wrapped around my knees, I wept uncontrollably for all the things that had slipped through my fingers and were no longer with me and would never return.
My parents.
My brother.
My husband.
I’d lost so much and nothing I could do or say would ever give them back to me.
My shame was extensive.
The pain I caused was unbearable.
Now Bane knew the truth and I was positive the entire club knew too. I couldn’t bear their reactions. It took me a full three years to fully accept and deal with the impact of Cynic’s actions on me. Within that time frame, I found a means to push past my shame and resentment. To forge a new way ahead. I found a way to function again. With everyone now in the know, I felt like I was right back where I started. The events of that day were on constant repeat, creating a never-ending cycle.
It was too much.
