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The machines surrounding him continued their mindless cadence, filling the silence while I looked up at the clock again. Seeing the vultures waiting in the wind, I closed my eyes as tears cascaded down my face and whispered, “Landon, I need you to wake now. It’s not funny anymore. Please, Landy. Please wake up.”
My heart pounded and another minute ticked by.
I wasn’t ready for this. How could a mere hour allow me to say everything I wanted to? I needed more time. He needed more time. My brother was strong. He could make it through this. I knew he could. My brother never gave up on anything. He just needed more time.
“Ms. Finn.”
“NO!” I screamed. “Five more minutes. Please!”
“Ms. Finn. I am so sorry.”
“Are you sure there isn’t anything more you can do? Miracles happen all the time. He could be a miracle.”
“Ms. Finn,” the doctor stepped forward and gently spoke, “your brother suffered major head trauma. He wasn’t wearing his seat belt. The damage done to his brain was extensive. I am so sorry, but there is nothing we can do. He isn’t coming back.”
“But he’s so strong,” I cried, hugging his hand to me, refusing to let go. I felt like I was losing my mind. How could I continue on without him? Losing Caleb and our parents was bad enough, not him too.
Focusing on Landon, I brought his hand up to my lips and whispered, “I love you, Landy. I always have. You are the bestbrother any girl could ever ask for. You are my best friend. Please come back to me. I’ll do anything you want. I’ll even wear that nasty pickle hat you love so much. Please, Landon. Don’t leave me too.”
A sob escaped when I remembered his laughter as he teased me. “You big jerk. Why weren’t you wearing your seat belt?”
Guilt ripped through me. I pressed his hand tighter to my face, wanting so much to see him twitch, praying for him to open his eyes and tell me to stop being a baby. Anything to stop what was about to happen. No matter what I prayed for, I knew nothing would change. He wasn’t coming back to me.
Knowing my time was dwindling, I sat silently watching the rise and fall of his chest, unsure of how I would live in this world without him.
“It’s time, Ms. Finn.”
Ignoring the doctor, I climbed onto the bed and laid next to him. Wrapping myself around him, I closed my eyes, settling my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, feeling the warmth of his body soak into mine. “I love you, Landon. It’s okay. I’ve got you this time. It’s going to be okay. I promise. Momma and Daddy are waiting for you. I’ll be okay. I promise.”
He was such a big man.
I felt so small, lying next to him as my body gradually relaxed against him, absorbing his warmth for the last time. Listening to the rhythmic thump of his heart, I closed my eyes and pictured us anywhere but here. In my mind, we were laughing and playing as we ran around each other on the beach. The warm sun kissing our faces while we played, unencumbered by the frailty of life. We were happy, alive, together like we were meant to be.
The sound of the waves quieted as I stopped and stared at my brother. His smiling face stared back at me while he waved, disappearing into the ocean. Clinging to his lifeless body, I letgo of everything I had been holding in and I cried out, my heart breaking as his soul left his body.
I was alone.
For the first time in my life, I was truly alone.
Gasping for air, I couldn’t breathe.
This was too much. I couldn’t do this. I needed him. He was my lifeline. My other half. The best part of me. Warm, comforting hands slid under my body as I felt myself being lifted from my other half.
“It’s going to be okay, honey. I promise,” his familiar deep raspy voice whispered while he carried me out of the room. Clinging to him, I sobbed as my world shattered all around me. Holding onto him, relishing in his strength, I let go of everything I’d been holding in and released it all, letting sorrow overtake me, wave by wave.
I woke sometime later in a dark room, warm and comfortable when a shadow moved towards the door. Turning my head, I saw him standing there. Looking over his shoulder at me, saying nothing.
I whispered, “Landon?”
“No, honey.”
“Caleb?”
“Yeah, baby. It’s me.”
“I’m alone, Caleb. I don’t have anyone anymore.”
“That’s not true, Largo. You still have me.”
