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“And what happens when Mercy loses his temper around you again?”
I groaned. “He won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. You don’t know Caleb like I do. I get he’s a brother in the club, but he is my husband. You keep interfering and it will only make him angrier. Look, Torment, I appreciate this whole head-shrink thing you’ve got going on, but I’m good. I really am.”
“Fine,” Torment sighed, leaning forward in his chair. “I’ll tell Montana you are free to go if you answer this. Why did you put the collar around your neck?”
Frowning, I looked at the man, confused.
What the hell was he talking about?
When he saw my confusion, he got up, walked over to his desk, opened a drawer, and produced the very leather collar Caleb threw at my feet that day in the clubhouse. Placing it on the table before me, I stared at the thing like it was going to attack me.
I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
“You are not a submissive, Largo. So why did you put that collar around your neck?”
“Because he wanted me to,” I whispered, staring at the offending object.
“You’re lying. Tell me the truth and you’ll never have to see me again.”
I was lying.
I knew that. But I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear, because I didn’t know why I put that thing on. I wanted Caleb back. For the first time in weeks, he’d shown me attention. I didn’t care if he was angry. I was just happy he was in the same room as me. When I saw the fury in his eyes, I didn’t think. I dropped to my knees, thinking if I took a submissive pose, he would talk to me.
I was wrong.
So very wrong.
What occurred afterward was not what I expected, but I never said or did anything to stop him. I could have said my safe word. I trusted him enough to know he would stop if I said the word, but I didn’t. Instead, I let him humiliate, belittle, and use my body for his own gratification.
Why did I do that?
I never would have allowed that before.
Sex between us had always been adventurous.
Like him, I was always willing to try something new. I knew our foray into the BDSM scene was my doing. I was the one who was intrigued and wanted to learn more. Caleb never denied any of my whims. In fact, he encouraged me to do everything I wanted to do. He was always my biggest supporter.
I knew if I refused the collar, he wouldn’t say anything.
In fact, he probably wouldn’t have cared.
Yet, I put it on.
Why did I put it on?
“Sometimes, through no fault of their own, couples lose sight of themselves. They get so wrapped up in the relationship, they forget to take care of themselves. Correct me if I’m wrong here. You grew up pretending to be someone you weren’t, knowing you were protecting those you loved. When you met Mercy, he allowed you to be your true self and for a while, you found it freeing. Then Sophia arrived, and you found yourself in a new position. Motherhood. Instead of lavishing all your love and attention on Mercy, you had to learn to divide your time between the man you loved and the daughter who needed you. You were being pulled in so many directions you couldn’t breathe. Then you found BDSM and it intrigued you. The freeing nature of being a submissive and the ability to let go of everything for a short while and to just be. It must have been addicting to you and you wanted more, needed more. But it wasn’t enough, was it? It wasn’t really you. Then the rape happened, and your world spiraled. You couldn’t see a path out of the storm you created, so when your parents called, you returned to what you knew. What your parents trained you to do. You ran. While that took care of one problem, it didn’t alleviate the rest of them, did it? In fact, I bet it compounded the biggest problem you had. Mercy, you loved your husband so much, you actually believed he wantedthe BDSM lifestyle and the only way you could keep him was to continue, but after what Cynic did, that was impossible. So, instead of trusting the one man who would always have your back, you ran, setting him free, believing he was better off with someone else. Am I right?”
I refused to say a damn word.
He was right.
About everything.
Chapter Twenty-Two
