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“Normal,” I reply on a sigh, indicating with a heavy heart just hownormalthe death and sickly sight of me truly is.
Travis’ face flattens, but he slowly stands, his tall frame standing broad. His face suggests he’s worried. But he’s here. He’s with me in my hell.
Holding out my hand, he grips it firmly then drags me into an embrace. He pats my back, and I mirror it, aware this is the last time I’ll be like this with him. Suddenly, like I’ve been winded, I’m breathless, choking on the realisation.
I move back, pulling away from him. The man who will now take over my club. I look at him, desperately pressing down the misery that churns inside. That light at the end of the tunnel is now a mere speck. The last ember of life almost doused.
“Something I should know, brother?”
Words flee me. I shake my head, dropping to the seat. Once he’s sat, having checked the guards over his shoulder, he waits patiently, giving me the time I need. The time I don’t have. “I’m good,” is the best I can do.
“Dean?”
A shiver of regret starts ebbing its way under my skin. What do I say in my final hour? How can I write my wrongs and explain what happens next? “Mollie.” I look up and see a flash of surprise flicker across his face as I say her name. “I need you to speak to Mollie.”
“You’ve got a fucking nerve.” He’s pissed. Angry. Seeing right through me.
“Just listen to her.”
He leans forward. “Youlisten to me.” The tips of his fingers steeple together in front of his face. He’s serious. “I’ve not held everything down like I have for the past six weeksfor you, for you tell me you’re not coming home.”
“Trav—”
“Don’t fuckingTravme,” he interjects shaking his head. “I don’t want to fucking hear it. Do what you have to do and hang the fuck on. Your trial starts soon. And Mollie,” her name rolls of his tongue with something other than hate, “Molliewillget you out of here.”
I let the dust settle. Let the echo of his words fade away. “And if she doesn’t?” She won’t get the chance to, but I won’t tell him that.
“She will, otherwise…” He trails off not knowing how to finish. He then drags a hand down over his beard, staring into space. “I need you, brother,” he says after a long, drawn-out pause, his sadness obvious.
My shoulders slump, and I drag my feet back underneath the chair, pinching the bridge of my nose. The pain is still rife where it’s split. I wince, jolting my hand away. “You’ve got this,” I tell him. Because if any man can step into the shoes I failed to fill, it’s him.
Travis’ lips twist. “And what do I tell Mads?” he asks, his voice deflated.
My body goes cold. My stomach knotting with dread. I lookup, watching him as he reels internally. Is this where I give my goodbye?
Goodbyes make you think; make you contemplate everything you would or could have done differently. There’s so much I should have done. So much more I should have given Mads. This goodbye shouldn’t be coming like this. I’ve failed her, more than any man could have failed the woman he loves.
Picking up speed, my heart stammers. Guilt kicks my thoughts back to my past. Back to a time I was lost. Lost in the darkness. Lost in my head. Hopeless. And now? Now I’ll move to her memories. I’ll fade, but a part of me will live on through my girls.
My girls. Fuck, I wish I could see my girl grow. See Mads’ face once she holds our child that I don’t even know is a girl, but Iknowin my heart. I don’t want Mads to wear my scars or carry my burden without me. But her sun. Her sun will keep on shining. Her light will continue to shine brightly. Even from the deepest depths of where I fear I’m going; it will be her light that shines through the cracks.
Travis simply looks at me. We exchange no words for the longest of time. We both feel the heaviness that comes with this final hour. We know where we’ve been together and what now lays ahead. As shit as it fucking is, there isn’t anyone that could have stood at my side like he did.
When we do eventually speak, he vows to his promise; that nothing will happen to Mads. That he’ll take care of my girl. Then we talk about the club and its future. The direction it will head and how best to keep it alive. I lay out the vision. The way I see things working, but ultimately, that’s no longer my concern.
The officer behind us steps closer when our time is up. This is it. The end.
Over.
I stand with compliance, glancing at Travis as he too, rises. “It was good seeing you, brother.” I swipe my hand against his, pulling him close. Our grip is tight, but Travis, he tightens it, holding on to me with everything he has. I return it, closing my eyes, savouring the last good thing I’ll have.
When we let go, an emptiness ensues. I’m forced to drink down the rising panic. I mustn’t show him. Mustn’t allow him to see my truth. He steps back leaving me, and I watch. All I can do is watch as he turns and leaves me on my own.
Just as I start to turn, I see the other guard stand. He’s motionless, his eyes fixed on mine. “Sit down,” he tells me coldly.
I hold his gaze not afraid to look away. If this is it, the moment The Saint uses another human to make sure I don’t walk another day on this earth, well, I’m not going down without a fight. “I’d rather stand.”
He grunts, a stupid look of disinterest striking his face. “You’re a lucky cunt. I’d have rather seen your insides across this floor.” His jaw ticks.
