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“How? I thought you said there was no way out?”
He closes his eyes. This decision he’s made clearly doesn't come lightly. The club has been the most prevalent thing in his life. Until me. Until our baby. “I want you. I want peace.”
I smile listening to him.
“I’m almost done. I’msofucking close.”
At what cost? “You once told me you wouldn’t give it up.” I don’t know why I say it. I don’t know why I’m questioning it. This is what I want. This is something I’ve wanted to hear. Him, me, peace. Family life away from the carnage.
“That was before you told me you were going to make me a dad. Adad, Mads.” He shakes his head, still looking down at me. “You’re about to give me something I never thought I’d have, and something you’ve only ever seen in your dreams. One day, our reality will be far better than any of our dreams, babe. With my life, I promise you that.”
I cover my eyes, both palms flat to my face. His words sink into my soul, my heart daring to hope for our future. “With your life…” My voice gets lost in the silence surrounding us.
Dean pulls my hands away from my face.
My eyes are soaked, my throat burning from trying not to let my cries be heard. “You are enough as you are, Dean. Your life, it doesn’t mean anything if you lose it trying to be free.”
I see tears fill his eyes. They won’t fall like mine. But I see them. I see him. “I will never be free from my demons, Mads, not if I don’t do this.”
His demons? This is more than fighting physically? “Why are they still chasing you? Tell me why, please.” I sob as I ask him to help me understand.
“No.”
“No?” My voice wobbles.
I watch his face drop, the line across his head indicating his pain. “If I run, they chase me. I jump, they fly. I try to drown… they’ll drag me to the surface.”
I lift my hand to his face trying to calm him.
“This is what you chose when you told me you loved me that very first time. That first moment you dared to love me, this is what you got.” His green eyes narrow, and my hand freezes. That sternness again, rearing its head. “I tried giving you an out, and still you chose this. You can’t leave me now. We may have a long way to go, butyouare why I fight.Youare the gravity that keeps pulling me home. You know I can’t do this without you.” Dean’s voice rattles, his hands trembling.
In the blink of an eye, frustration kicks inside me. A solid wall of anger blocks my ability to give him what he needs. Reassurance. Love. Calm. Why does it feel this heavy?
He leans down to kiss me, but I turn my head. “No,” I speak softly. I shimmy my way to the edge of the bed, swinging my legs off the side. “I didn’t choose this.” I stand, and he draws back, staring at me.
I don’t care that I’m naked. I don’t care that the windows are behind me. Maybe the world needs to hear this; God knows the man I love does. “I chose you, Dean. Not the club.” I point at him. “I chose, you. And I will keep choosing you until the day I die. And even then I’ll choose to be wherever you are.”
He shifts to sit on his bum, his legs bent wide. Elbows resting on his knees, the sheet covers his lower half. He runs a hand through his hair, then he huffs so loud serving only to piss me off even more.
“You can’t do this without me,” I say with a sarcastic laugh, “yet you treat me like I’m not strong enough to handle it.”
His head snaps up. “Strong enough. You think I don’t knowyou’re strong enough?” Flames of anger dance in his eyes. His face tightens. The ground feels like ice underneath me. “It’s your fucking strength and love that saved me. I would never have made it back here withoutyourstrength.”
I step closer to the bed, my eyes fixed firmly on his. “Then tell me how you got back here? How did you come home to me?”
His jaw ticks. I don’t miss the slight narrowing of his eyes. “Why are you pushing this?”
I laugh, rubbing at my head. The baby then kicks, feeding off my stress. I look down, sucking in some air. “Because a part of you is growing inside me,” I say tiredly, still looking down. “You think I’m going to let you put yourself in danger? You think I wouldn’t do anything to protect you? To make sure we never have to live another day without you. Not knowing whether you’re okay or stillbreathing?”
A tear slips from my eye. I quickly swipe it away, trying to prove my point of how strong I can be. For him.
Without a word, he stands off the bed, the sheet falling from around his waist. I swallow, begging my eyes not to fall. Dean steps to me, his bare chest level with my eyes. If it wasn’t for my bump, I’d be able to press my lips to his soft skin.
Putting his hand flat on my chest, he slides his fingers around my throat, scooping some of my hair as he goes. He angles my chin up to look at him, his thumb twitching, clearly he wants to hold me tighter than he is. And for the strangest of reasons, I want him to.
I lean into his hold. Tempting him. Begging him.
The corner of his mouth twitches. “You dragged me through hell last time.” He leans in closer, his lips now close to mine. I'm desperate for him to take them. My knees tremble. My head's dizzy with ecstasy. “I won’t let you do it again.” Then his hold on me is gone. He turns, walking his gorgeous arse away from me towards the bathroom, his muscles flexing, showing off theirdefinition as he moves.
