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After a beat, something shifts between us. Mads pulls away, leaving me feeling lost. “What’s going on with you?” she asks a little hesitantly.
I contemplate hitting her with it all; tell her all the grim truths. Then I look at her. My girl, carrying my child. “Nothing.”
Mads smiles at me, which is weird because she should be pulling a Mollie and putting her fist through my face. “You’re such a bad liar,” she says, adding, “with me, anyway.”
I look to the ground, then looking back up, I can’t help but smile slightly.
“Is it bad?”
“Mads—” Shaking my head I go to tell her not to worry, but she cuts me off.
“—Dean.”
On a sigh, I move to sit on the sofa, and she follows, doing the same. “Please tell me,” she says.
How do I put this? With my brain scrambling, I reply, “Club’s got a lot of business coming up. I might have to do things you won’t like. But I need you to let me.”
She stares at me, her face blank. “Like what?”
Mads moves closer, and I lift my arm for her to slide under. She rests her head on my chest, and I nestle down, pulling her body with mine. “Someone made a threat to the Saviours.”
Mads instantly sits up, checking my expression. “Do you know who?”
I purse my lips shaking my head. “We knowwho, but he’s no longer an issue. We just don’t know who sent him.”
The lead balloon I just dropped sucks in the four walls around us, the rawness of what I’m saying, suffocating. “Mads?”
Her body shrinks, deflating with sadness. “It’s been a long time since we had a chat like this,” she says flatly.
My head hits the back of the sofa. “I know.” I let a moment pass. “I’m sorry.”
Conversations like this with her seem few and far between now. She may love me the way I am, but she should be focusing on getting rest and growing our child, not carrying my load.
Looking up, Mads smiles, and it warms my centre. “So, who do you think it is, making threats?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her about what I did, that I know whoever sent the hanging man found him in prison—the handless clock tattoo proving he’d served time inside. That and he admitted they were released to make threats. But what will make my girl happy, is the one thing I don’t think I should do anymore. The darker things get, the less I should share with her. I’ve tried, I really have, and I would be lying if I didn’t say this kills me to admit, but when push comes to shove, talking about thingssimply isn’t going to help anyone.
Any demons I have left will devour her angels. There’s not a chance on this earth I will let that happen whilst I’m breathing. My thumb strokes the side of her face. “I don’t know.”
Her fingers find mine on my lap. She twines them together, her grip letting me know she’s aware I’m holding back. She doesn’t push me though. “You’ll find them.”
I kiss the top of her head slowly, my lips lingering against her hair.
“Just like you’ll find Lauren.”
I let out a tired breath. So much is going on, I don’t know where to start trying to find her. Last we knew she was staying in a youth hostel just outside of Lancashire.
My mind trails, and the thought of what Mollie said suddenly hits me like a punch to the gut. The thought of not being around for Mads, my baby, my brothers. It terrifies me. “No more driving around trying to find her. Promise me.”
Mads gives a little nod. Tightening her grip on my hand, she looks up at me. Her eyes are starting to swim, but she doesn’t cry. “Promisemesomething?” she says.
Moving my hand to the side of her face, my thumb lightly strokes her cheek. I dip my chin, agreeing.
“Promise me that, whatever comes next—whatever you think you have to do…” her hand moves to my chest, her palm flat against the rhythm of my heart’s beat. She looks at her hand, then her eyes lock on hard to mine. “You’ll come back to me when you’re done.”
Her breath hitches, and my throat clogs at the reality that in order to survive this together, my life may momentarily force us apart.
But I’ll always come back to her.
