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Turning my head, I look at Mollie.
She stares out the front window. “I shouldn’t have been so blunt earlier.”
Unbuckling my seatbelt, I pause before opening the car door, my gaze moving out the front window like hers. “Don’t be. I asked for the truth. Maybe I can’t handle it anymore. Finally reached my limit.” I try to smile, but it drops quicker than a lead balloon.
“The goal posts for your limits will never stop shifting in this life.”
My head turns to look at her, but she doesn’t return it. Words are lost on me. Has she been in my shoes? Now’s not the right time to ask. I simply open the door and manoeuvre myself out. “You can wait here, I’ll be fine,” I say to Travis, as he places his helmet over the handlebars on his bike.
Mollie opens her car door and steps out.
Travis looks at her. “I’ll see you in, if you don’t mind?” he says.
Too tired to argue it anymore, I nod and accept his arm which he holds out for me. These two probably shouldn’t be left alone together anyway.
Once inside and booked in, we sit side by side in the waiting room. A cloud of doom sits above us. Neither Travis nor I speak for the longest of times. It scares me; that I brought this all on myself. I haven’t thought about who I’m carrying. Haven’t eaten. I’ve barely drunk anything in four days.
A selfish wave of sadness washes over me. Lifting my handto cover my face, I can’t stop the tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Hey.” Travis lifts his arm and pulls me into him. “None of that, come on.” It’s a soft touch for such a hard man.
After a few moments, I lift my head back, wiping my damp cheeks on the end of my sleeves. “I’m sorry.” He keeps his arm wrapped around me, giving me the comfort I need. “Do you think he’ll come home?” I ask.
His dark eyes close. I don’t know if it’s my asking or the situation itself. An eternity feels like it passes between us before he answers me. “Do you believe in a higher power, Mads? Something bigger than all of us?”
His question comes out of the blue. I sit a little straighter, still under his hold. “You heard the story about how I was conceived, right?” I ask with a small laugh. He doesn’t answer. When I look at him, he hasn’t moved, his eyes are still shut, his head rests against the wall. “Do you?”
A small smile stretches across his face. “My kind of church is a much darker attraction, Mads.”
“Of course it is.”
He laughs at my words, opening his eyes to look at me.
My right hand moves to my bump where the baby knocks.
Travis looks down. “May I?” he asks.
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” I sound more uncertain than I feel.
Moving my hand, Travis moves his and rests it over the curve of my belly button. The baby kicks, and we both look at one another. “Felt that one.” He smiles, and it warms me to see him happy. “Does it feel weird?” he asks.
The tiny kicks make me need to itch where it tickles. “It certainly doesn’t feel anything like how I expected.”
“Dean told me he thinks you’re having a girl.”
My smile is genuine this time. “He told you that, huh?”
“Told me he knew before he even found out you were pregnant.”
My eyes fill. I bite my top lip in an attempt to control my emotions. “He had a dream when the Saviours had him. He’s been convinced ever since. Carries the picture from the scan everywhere he goes.”
Travis smiles. “You’re turning him into a chick, you know that?”
I slap his arm, and he laughs. He takes a deep breath, and I sense him trying to piece together what he really wants to say. Our eyes lock. “When it comes to you and this baby, I’ve honestly never seen him happier.” I smile as he speaks. “But he can’t bethatman for what he has to do next. He knows it, and I think deep down you know it, too.” I don’t look away from Travis.
A member of staff walks past.
Travis watches him and waits for him to be out of ear shot before he looks back at me and whispers, “It’ll get him killed.”
