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Arriving back at home just after lunch, I spot Mollie’s car waiting outside. Lauren and I get out, moving to the boot for our shopping. I hand her some bags, then we make our way to the door. “Give me a minute,” I say to her.
Lauren goes inside.
Mollie’s car door opens, and she stands, closing it behind her.
“Mollie?”
Dropping her head, she steps closer. “I needed to apologise to you, Mads.”
“No, it should be me saying sorry to you. I never should have asked for what I did.”
Mollie holds out her hand with a piece of paper.
“What’s this?” I ask her.
“Can you get there for 1pm?”
“Today?”
She nods her head.
“But I thought… Why change your mind? Is he okay?” My heart pounds fast. I’m hot in anticipation of what Mollie’s going to say.
“He asked how you were, but I think he needs to see for himself.” Mollie looks down at her feet. “I get the feeling his mindset very much depends on how you are.”
The tears roll down my cheeks. “He’s going to be pissed off with both of us.”
Mollie smiles. “I don’t care.”
Heading to the prison, my nerves are completely shot. Excitement mixes with unease as I park my car and walk inside. The thought of seeing him up close after the heartache that was yesterday, makes my feet move faster.
The rigmarole one needs to go through before being allowed to see someone is intense though. The piece of paper Mollie handed me told me everything I needed to know. On it is Dean’s prison number, and a list of what I can and can’t do once inside. Tears threaten when I read that minimal contact is allowed. It isn’t much, but being able to feel him, to touch his skin, breath him in. I’m suddenly desperate.
After being patted down and having my belongings taken off me, I’m made to walk through a security arch, and my identification is checked. My hands shake, the back of my neck is cold and clammy. I have nothing to hide, but the stern faces of the staff and the way they carry themselves, makes the nerves rattle my bones. Is this how it always is?
A tall police officer escorts all visitors to the visiting room. We follow him like sheep, each being directed to a table. I sit facing the same way as everyone else. In silence, we patiently wait for our loved ones to walk in through the door separating this room from the prison.
Like any situation where you decide to do something for yourself, my mind begins telling me I’ve made a mistake. That coming here might set Dean back ten paces. That seeing me might somehow destroy him and make him vulnerable.
Travis is going to be so mad that I didn’t listen.
Hearing a baby cry, I look to my left seeing the young mother I followed in here, sat with her two children. The baby fusses in her arms as her toddler sips from his cup, pulling on her clothes, demanding snacks.
I watch as she blows out a breath, trying to juggle everything. With nothing but admiration for her, I smile to myself.
She looks at me, and I fluster being caught staring.
“This your first time?” the mother asks me.
I nod.
“Don’t be alarmed if he acts differently. Just let him know you’re okay. Even if you’re not, don’t let him see it. They won’t survive if they think you’re not alright.”
The corner of my lips twitches. A bitter half smile is all I can raise.
An iron door then clangs open, and an alarm simultaneously sounds. My eyes stay fixed on the mother for a moment longer. Her facial expression changes as she silences her emotions.
I turn my head when the prisoners start to file into the visiting room. My mind’s racing, my body now unable to relax. He’s coming. My VP.
