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I play with the thought of telling him what I said to Dallas, but after the way Dallas reacted to me saying I love you, I’m more scared than ever of telling Griffin. I love them both, but one rejection a day is going to be enough for me.
“Let’s just eat and forget about it,” I say, as if it was that easy to brush off. I flop down on one of the chairs, forcing my restless legs to be still for a few minutes. Griffin, of course, sees straight through me.
“You don’t have to do that, downgrade your feelings like that. I know you love him, and I know you want both of us, not just one.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you are not enough,” I admit to him.
“I don’t feel that way. I never did. I can’t explain it, but there was never really any jealousy between us, either. Not as you would expect. It was more like a healthy rivalry. Maybe it’s because I trust him like a brother, or maybe because you have never acted like you prefer one of us. You have always treated us as equals.”
I take a serving spoon and add a tiny amount of green beans onto my plate. “I know this whole situation is not conventional, but neither is our life.”
“I guess the only question left is what if Dallas doesn’t come back? Are you okay with giving us a shot without him?”
A huge lump builds in my throat at the thought. “I feel like I would be cheating on Dallas if we do. I know it sounds crazy, but in my mind, it was always the both of you.” I keep my eyes trained on the crooked, oversized green bean on my plate. I don’t want to see Griffin’s facial expression, since I’m guessing he is disappointed.
“It doesn’t sound crazy,” he says calmly, but I don’t miss the tone of hurt in his voice. “Like you said, it’s not a conventional situation. There are no set rules. You feel how you feel and that’s all we can go on.”
“That’s not true. We go on your feelings too, and I don’t want to hurt you.” I stab the small green vegetable with my fork and shovel it around my plate a little. Maybe if I pretend to eat, Griffin won’t say anything.
“You didn’t. Dallas left both of us.”
“He did, and I should be mad at him for it, but I know he thinks he is doing the right thing. He believes he is doing us a favor.”
Griffin opens his mouth to respond, but before a single word comes out, the elevator door behind us opens, and someone walks into my apartment. I turn around to see my brother heading toward us.
“Am I interrupting?”
“No, just sitting down to eat,” Griffin explains. “Want to join us? We have plenty, and your sister doesn’t seem to have a big appetite.”
“Nah, I’m about to go to dinner with Teagan. I just wanted to check on you before we leave. Dallas called me to tell me he won’t be staying here any longer. What’s going on?”
“You got your wish, I guess,” I whine. “You wanted him to stay away from me and now that’s exactly what he’s doing.”
“Motherfucker,” Mason swears under his breath. He pulls a chair out and takes a seat. “I’m sorry, Nat. I know I overreacted when I saw you two. You have to understand, I’m your brother and seeing you with a guy, with any guy, is not easy. Seeing you with one of my best friends is especially hard.”
“About that…” I glance over at Griffin, who gives me a bewildered look before shaking his head profusely. I press my lips together, immediately regretting that I was going to bring this up before talking to Griffin. “Never mind.”
“No, you don’t get to never mind me after that look.” Mason shakes his head. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Well…” I’m not sure how to start. I glance between Mason and Griffin before keeping my gaze glued on Griffin, hoping for a little guidance.
“Wait, now you two are having a thing?” Mason questions, his eyebrows raised up to his hairline.
“Look, we are not trying to hide anything from you,” Griffin chimes in. He pauses, as if he is trying to find the right words to say. “Nat, Dallas, and I have been spending a lot of time together. And as you know, we have known each other for a long time. We have always been close, and somehow, that developed into something else.”
Mason stares back at him as if he is not understanding a single word.
“I love both of them,” I admit proudly. A second later, I realize what I just said.
“Wait, you love us?” Griffin questions while Mason looks too stunned to speak.
