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The next morning was a bitch. I woke up with a huge hang-over that a couple of aspirin and Xavier’s mix of ‘hangover cure’ barely relieved. I turned my phone on and I expected a call or a text from her but there was none. I had the urge to call her during the day and I fought that urge. I had to give myself time to simmer down.
Three days. It took three days for me to contain my anger into a manageable degree. My anger was still there, lingering, reined in. Now, I was ready to speak to her. She was giving me space. I knew that. She did not call or text. It was time for me to talk to her.
At 2 PM, I texted her, “Can we talk?”
She was probably in class. Sometimes, she didn’t answer when she was in class.
By 7:30, she still hadn’t answered. I called and it went straight to voicemail. Worry crept through me. What if something had happened to her during the past 2 days? Kieran would call me. That was for sure.Right, Kieran. He would know. I called him.
He answered on the third ring, “Hey.”
“I was wondering where Sedona was.” I went straight to the point.
“Oh,” A long pause followed.
Unease settled on my stomach.
“Is she ok? Did something happen to her?” I asked. Now, I was worried.
After what seemed like a minute or two, Kieran said, “She’s ok but she’s not here, Zander.”
“Ohh-kaay. Mind telling me where she’s at?” My heart was racing and my head was starting to throb.
Kieran took a long breath, “She left yesterday.”
Left? In the middle of the semester? Sedona would not do that. She was too obsessive of her grades. Plus, she wouldn’t leave without telling me. Or, would she?
“Where is she, Kieran?” My voice came out harsh and urgent.
“She left to see her dad. In Costa Rica.” Her dad was on assignment in Costa Rica.
“What about school? Isn’t she going to miss class or clinicals?” I managed to ask. My chest was constricting. She did leave. Without telling me.
“I believe she talked to her professors. She did her clinicals ahead of time.”
There was only one thing left to ask, “When’s she coming back?”
Kieran’s silence scared me. Then, he said, “I’m not sure.”
I hung up the phone in complete disbelief. My girlfriend just left. To another country. I had no means of communicating with her. She probably wouldn’t read my emails. She sure hadn’t called me or texted me before she left. I felt so lost.
She left me. Without an apology. This time, my anger was replaced with panic.
Chapter Eighteen
“There is never a bad time for a well-intentioned apology.”
Sedona
Kieran picked me up at the airport. After 4 days of being with my dad, I had a clearer perspective on things.
When Zander left my apartment almost a week ago, my mind and emotions were all jumbled together and mixed up. I wanted to go to him; he needed time. I wanted to beg forgiveness; I had to give him space. I wanted to apologize; he had to process my lies in his head.
Instead of moping around, that same night, I planned on getting out of the city. I needed to process my own emotions, thoughts, and cloudy judgment on things. I messed up big time. So I talked to my professors the next morning and I was able to do back-to-back 12 hour clinical days in advance. Luck was on my side this time around. One of the students filed a leave of absence so I took her spot for those clinical days. I concentrated on nothing but school. Nalee, Tanya, and Kieran all tried to soothe me. I talked to them and it helped. But at night, when I was lying alone in bed, I missed him. Terribly. I figured that running to my dad would help. It did. My dad didn’t ask me why I was there. He must have heard the misery in voice when I called a few nights ago, because he said, “Sweetie, I know you have school. You just sound so exhausted. Can you leave for a couple of days and visit me here?” I took him up on his offer.
Four days of being in Costa Rica - well, technically, 3 days, since travel took almost a day roundtrip – did nothing to alleviate the longing for Zander. I did not tell my dad about what happened. He just knew me so well. While we were having breakfast at a local Costa Rican eatery, he stared at me and said, “If he broke your heart, he’s not worth it. No one is good enough to break your heart.”
My dad was a very clever man. He knew nothing would have kept me from school. Unless it was something that I couldn’t handle. Something big.
