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Jim comes back and hands me my drink as the band returns to the stage for the next set. “So, you think you can handle another round?”
“Question is, can you handle all of this?” I say, using both hands to usher up and down my body as I do my best to roll my shoulders. I mean it in reference to my lack of dance moves, only heightened by my buzzed state, but the look in his eyes says he’s pondering my body in another way.
I roll my eyes and grab his hand before he can answer. “Never mind Charlie-Boy, I don’t want to hear any thought that comes out of your mouth right now.”
Chapter Two
“Before everyone leaves, my beautiful bride and I would just like to say a few words.” Ryan has the microphone in one hand, his opposite arm wrapped around Lainey, tucking her into his side. Her body is turned inward, hand resting on his chest, a knee jutting out from the slit in her stunning strapless A-line dress. Her dark locks flow across her shoulders in loose mermaid waves, the exact definition of casual but elegant. They are your quintessential magazine cover couple. Both gorgeous, dark hair, literally glowing from being in love.
Someone could get pregnant just by seeing them together.
“Two years ago, if someone would have come to me and whispered that I would go to some dingy country bar one night and meet the absolute love of my life, I would never have believed it.” He pauses, looking down at Lainey. “Now, if you would have said that I’d meet a beautiful girl who was drunk on tequila, who would make a fool of herself by trying to enter a mechanical bull competition? That would have been more believable.” The crowd chuckles as Lainey lovingly slaps his chest.
I smile, remembering that night. Lainey, Jenna, and I were out at one of our favorite bars. He’s right about the tequila, and the bad decisions we let Jenna talk us into, with all three of us trying to ride a mechanical bull at the same time. My version isa little fuzzy, because of the tequila, but we never would have thought that the guy she flashed at the bar would have ended up being the newest doctor on our unit. He eventually won her over and they lived happily ever after. Blah. Blah. Blah.
I’m happy for both Jenna and Lainey and the love they have with their husbands, but I feel a twinge of jealousy in the center of my chest that not everyone finds love likethat. People often find someone they care about, or someone they are compatible with and want to date, so they eventually get married. Some marriages make it, many don’t. But with them, their love wasn’t so much as convenience or compatibility as they were two souls literally fucking made for each other. It’s not something you see every day.
“But in all seriousness,” Ryan continues, “life has a weird way of guiding us to where we are meant to be, no matter how badly we may try to fight it.” He pauses for a minute, his heavy exhale audible over the now silent crowd. “This woman loves with such conviction, with so much of her heart, it still surprises me that I get to wake up every day and call her mine.” The crowd hangs on the edge of every word that comes out of Ryan’s mouth. He looks down at Lainey, keeping his gaze locked on her as he continues. “I promise you, Lainey, you forever have my love, my loyalty, my unwavering respect. Life will probably throw us curveballs, but I promise to always be there for you, to hold your hand, to make you smile…or build you up when you feel like you’ve fallen…” His voice cracks with the last few words and the silence is deafening. The wind kicks up, flipping over a few empty cups, sending them scattering away from the reception. Somewhere in the distance a car alarm sounds, but everyone is too entranced to move. Ryan brings his hand up and buries his fingers in his eyes, pressing hard enough that I feel the sting behind my own. Lainey moves in front of him and pulls his hand down, forcing him tolook at her. He gives an awkward smile and kisses her before pulling the microphone back.
“Well, Jesus, that didn’t go as planned.” He laughs, and the crowd joins him. To my surprise, I feel a dampness on my cheeks as I reach a hand up to brush a few lonely tears away. I scan the crowd, seeing similar reactions on the faces around me.
Jenna stopped dancing for the first time all night, taking the moment to rest by sitting on Emmett’s knee. He's looking up at her when most of the crowd are watching the bride and groom, that same glistening look in his eye that he normally has when she’s around.
I stop when I see Jim. He’s leaning against the bar, nursing his last drink, and his eyes are on Ryan and Lainey for a moment before they flicker back to me. He holds them there, unwilling to look away, and the words Ryan said echo in my mind.
Ryan clears his throat. “Anyways, we just wanted to say thank-you everyone for coming and celebrating our day with us, we appreciate all of the love and support. Goodnight.” He sets the microphone down and grabs Lainey’s hand, planting a kiss to her palm as they leave the stage, heading directly to the hotel that hosted their outdoor reception.
The band comes back on stage to start tearing down and putting away their instruments. People slowly gather their discarded shoes, handbags, suit coats and clear the area. As the night appears to come to an end, I feel a little sunken sadness in my chest signaling the start of a happiness hangover.
With the last six months being spent pouring over every wedding detail while sipping glasses of wine, planning a joint bachelor/bachelorette party because those assholes insisted on being together, finally coming to a finale with the best garden ceremony and beach reception ever, the knowledge that tomorrow starts regular life again leaves me lonely.
I fish my heels out from the taller grass and bunch up the hem of my dress as I make my way towards the lake, burying my toes in the sand with each step. My eyes adjust to the dark sky as I leave the lights of the reception behind me and walk towards the water. The lake welcomes me, a breeze gently swirling around, pulling stray pieces from my fishtail braid that probably looked better twelve hours ago than it does now. I wrap my arms around myself to stay warm, not sure if it’s the breeze or my emotions sending a chill through me.
I toss my shoes down, leaning to grab the hem of my dress and twisting it around my knees before sitting in the sand.
My mind starts to wander about where my life would be right now if everything hadn’t drastically changed with the drop of a hat. Would I have gotten married? If so, would I have been happy? I don't see myself as someone who's lucky enough to find a soulmate-type love. I would have been one to marry for compatibility. Find a partner that doesn't completely piss me off, that understands where my priorities lie and carry their half of the responsibility appropriately. Would the convenience be enough for me, or would there be a voice in the back of my mind, questioning if I could have found my match?
Would I ever have the version of love that my friends have?
The breeze causes the sweat to cool, and a shiver rolls down my spine. I shudder a little as I hear a rustle behind me, and a warm suit jacket is draped over my shoulders.
“It’s a beautiful night.” Jim says, coming to stand next to me.
I pull the lapels of his coat closer to me before answering. “It really is. I can’t believe it’s over already.”
Jim nods, his gaze on the water.
“Did Ryan’s speech surprise you?” I ask, keeping my gaze locked ahead. The sky is so black it’s hard to know where the water ends and the night begins.
Jim thinks for a moment, following my gaze on the dark, small waves lapping the shore in front of us. “Well, I’m surprised he said that in front of everyone, but not surprised that’s how he feels. It was different with her from the start. And he’s absolutely crazy about her, so not really. The words themselves didn’t surprise me.”
I turn to look up at him, studying his side profile for a minute. I’m about to open my mouth when I hear voices behind us shout “Jim, you guys coming?”
I turn to see some of the bridal party, including Lainey’s little sister Emma and her boyfriend, with a group of people. “We’re heading to the bars, you coming?” the same voice shouts.
Jim turns to me, his voice lower. “Are you going out?”
I shake my head no. “I don’t think so. I should probably quit while I’m ahead.”
