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As we meandered along the lakeside path, I walked slightly ahead of Lina, my eyes searching for something. That's when I spotted it - an old, slightly damaged model boat, washed up onto the shore. The sight was like a key turning in a lock, opening a floodgate of memories that had lain dormant. Patrick and I, huddled in our shared bedroom, carefully crafting our own model ships; Patrick's meticulous patience, my clumsy enthusiasm; the races we had, setting our vessels afloat in the bathtub; the brotherly camaraderie that enveloped us. That model boat was a reminder of a bond that was as deep as the ocean it was built to navigate, a bond that remained, even if Patrick didn't.
I knelt to pick up the ship, my fingers tracing its edges, feeling the weather-beaten texture of the wood. It was a mirror to my emotions - a swirl of nostalgia, sadness, a faint glimmer of joy from the fond memories, and a hint of regret.
"Hank?" Lina's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at her, her eyes filled with a curiosity that was touched with concern. She watched as I cradled the model ship, her gaze soft.
"This ship," I began, "was once shiny and new. It set out to sail the seas, brimming with purpose, filled with hope. But life isn't always a calm sea, is it? Sometimes, there are storms, tempests that batter the hull, threaten to sink the ship. But it fights, it survives, even if it's left a little worse for wear."
A hint of realization flickered in Lina's eyes. "Are you talking about a past heartbreak?"
I looked at her, then back at the ship. "It's a bit like my relationship with Bianca, my ex," I confessed as I felt her squeeze my hand. "The beginning was beautiful, but as we sailed into the storm, our ship - our relationship - started to take on water. The bitterness of being left behind, the isolation, the self-imposed estrangement from my Daddy role... It was like this boat's state of abandonment, slowly decaying."
I looked at Lina, her eyes still full of understanding and kindness, and I knew then that I was ready to sail again, ready to brave the turbulent waters of the heart, this time with her by my side.
She knelt beside me. Her gaze was soft, a comforting presence amidst the haunting quiet of the night. “I understand now,” she said, “why the rivalry, the hostile banter in the office. They were your walls, weren't they? I think we were alike in that way, using the rivalry, the constant need to one-up each other to hide our own insecurities. To cover up past pains we weren’t ready to face.”
Her confession took me by surprise. Lina had a past heartbreak too? Was it an age play relationship like mine? The question hung on the tip of my tongue. But seeing the wistful look in her eyes, I held back. She would tell me when she was ready, when her own walls were ready to crumble.
“After what happened with Bianca, did you start to hate Littles?” Her voice was gentle, probing carefully around the wounds she knew existed.
I let out a long sigh. “I didn't hate them, no. But I swore off being a Daddy, I couldn't bear the thought of it,” I admitted. “I had been scared of the responsibility, the possibility of failing once more. I avoided Littles altogether until that night at the club. Until I saw you.”
Lina’s eyes softened with empathy. “How did you meet Bianca? Was it also at the club?”
I couldn't help the ghost of a smile that tugged at my lips at the memory. “It was at a Halloween party. She was a Little, dressed as a witch, her black hat tipping over her eyes. I was dressed as a captain, my fascination with ships having dictated my choice of costume. We hit it off instantly, found ourselves drawn towards each other like magnets. We started dating soon after that party, and I fell hard for her. But I don’t want you to think I’m not over her, because I am. It’s just that some scars stay longer than you expect.”
Recalling the happy moments we shared, the stark contrast with the hurt that followed, made my throat tighten.
Lina noticed, her fingers gently squeezing mine. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything more.”
"I didn't want to do this again," I continued, my voice low but clear in the quiet. "I didn't want to risk experiencing that kind of pain and loss once more. I thought I could keep those walls up, keep my distance. But with you... it was different."
I looked over at Lina, her eyes reflecting the dim glow from the distant city lights. "You scared me. Because you made me want to break my own rules. You made me want to let my guard down, to become vulnerable again. Your spirit, your innocence... they started chipping away at my defenses. You were awakening a part of me that I had forced into dormancy. You challenged my past, my self-imposed restraints."
With a softness that only a Little could embody, she comforted me. "Life is unpredictable. It throws us into the stormy seas, only to teach us how to sail. Your guilt, your fears... they're part of you, yes, but they shouldn't chain you down."
It was strange, ironic almost, how she, a Little, was providing me, a Daddy, with guidance and advice.
"I never expected you to be so wise," I said, a light chuckle escaping my lips.
Lina blushed, but her eyes sparkled with a mixture of pride and affection. "You talk about me like I'm something special. But I'm just another Little."
I looked at her, at this woman who had managed to break down my barriers, to bring light to parts of me I thought were forever lost in darkness.
"No, Lina," I said, feeling a surge of warmth for her. "You're not just any Little, not to me."
Chapter 21: Hank
We moved to a bench by the lake, the moon casting a soft glow on the water. I wanted to move away from the heaviness of our previous conversation.
"Alright," I began, leaning back against the bench. "I can’t help but wonder about your comfort items when you're in your Little space. Do you like coloring books and stuffed animals like Mike does?"
Lina's eyes lit up at the question, a sparkle of excitement dancing in their depths. "Wait, you've been in my room and you didn't notice?" she teased.
I chuckled. "Oh, I noticed. It's just that your array of princess tiaras distracted me."
This brought out a mischievous grin on her face. "Well, then you must not be as observant as I thought, Mr. Office Perfectionist."
"And what else do you love when you're Little?"
