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I blinked.“You figured it out in that one interaction?”
”I watch people,” he said, pulling his book out and doing exactly the opposite.Parker quickly got into the water, too, roughhousing with Aiden and the campers.Suddenly, I wanted to be a part of that.I wanted to be splashing water at two half-naked hot guys.I blinked.No, I meant I wanted to be getting to know the campers and having fun.Fun was what it was all about.
Aiden spun around, stretching his arms out as he challenged the campers to come get him, his eight pack abs flexing and rippling as he moved.His swim trunks were so low on his waist that you could see the definition in his v-line.Fuck, I needed to stop objectifying him, but he was so damn hot.
“I am gay,” I said, and it felt good to admit that to someone, even if it was my weird co-counselor.“Didn’t plan on being out at camp, though.”
“Why not?”
“I came out to my parents, but my Dad was a dick about it.Sent me here to become a ‘real man.’”I added air quotes, and Ben rolled his eyes.“His words, not mine, of course.I’m a man whether I know how to chop wood like a lumberjack or not.Obviously he doesn’t understand or accept me.”
Ben chuckled.“And whether you daydream about doing indecent things to Aiden Yamada or not.”
“Oh, my god.Why does he have to be so hot?And so straight.It’s killing me,” I whispered.Ben burst out laughing.
“It must be a very difficult place to hang out as a gay man,” he said, grinning.
I eyed Aiden.“That has its perks.But what about the rest of it?I’m about as far from outdoorsy or athletic as you can get.We’re going backpacking!”
“It’ll be fine, the outdoorsy stuff.”
“You grew up here.You don’t understand how intimidating it all is to a city kid,” I said.
He was silent for a moment, then looked at me.“The thing is, if you let it happen, you might learn a lot about yourself here.I see it happen all the time.It’s not about any of the toxic masculinity your father is expecting, it’s about being somewhere where none of the other shit matters.”
“Except cougars eating us,” I muttered, and he shook his head, his eyes sparkling with humor.I wondered if Ben could be my friend — wondered why he didn’t show this side of himself to the other guys.
“You’re ridiculous.No one has ever been eaten by a cougar at camp.”
“There’s always the first one,” I whispered, widening my eyes.
He shook his head and picked up his book again, then glanced up over the pages.“Don’t be afraid to come out here.It’s like an island, a safe place.You can be out as gay even if you’re not in your real life, because this life won’t cross paths with your real life.There are other gay guys on staff.”
As if drawn by a magnet, my eyes darted to Aiden.
Ben chuckled, following my gaze.“Not him.Haven’t you heard him bitching about how girls’ camp is closed for repairs?I’m guessing he gets his dick wet constantly in college, because this is killing him.”
I stared at Aiden for a moment longer, then glanced back at Ben, starting to feel like I might have had a friend here, after all.“What about you?”
He snorted.“Not gay.And if I was, you wouldn’t be my type.”
I laughed, shaking my head.“I meant, why aren’t you finding yourself?”
“Maybe I already know myself.”Well, that was a cryptic answer if I ever heard one.
“All right, well, if I’m supposed to be finding myself, I guess I’ll go swim.”I stood and looked out at the kids and counselors splashing in the lake, then paused, halfway through pulling off my shirt.“By the way, there aren’t any dangerous animals in the lake, are there?”I asked.
Ben only snorted and went back to his book.I stood and took off my shirt, trying not to feel self-conscious about my body.I was slender and way too pale, and Parker pretended to be blinded as I walked closer.
Aiden punched him in the shoulder.“Don’t give him shit.He’s getting involved!We need to be welcoming him while pretending not to notice the glare off his porcelain skin!”
I narrowed my eyes and slammed my hand through the water, sending a big wave of water straight at his face.He yelped and raced after me, and Ben’s words echoed in my mind as Aiden Yamada picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and ran deeper into the water.I could be free here, I could goof off and be silly and make friends and maybe even change a kid’s life in some small way.This was a place where people found themselves.So I let go of my fear of leeches and laughed as Aiden jogged deeper into the water.
Wait.Leeches?“Does this lake have leeches?”I screeched.
“I don’t think so,” Aiden shouted back.
“You don’t THINK so?”
