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“Is it your relationship?” he asked softly and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “You don’t have to tell me the details of it, but it seems as if you’re having a hard time sorting your thoughts out.”
“Wow, who would have thought,” I answered sarcastically and he smiled.
“Well, since we haven’t been spending a lot of time together since the league began. I don’t really have insight on what’s happening in your life,” he spoke softly and I noticed the sad smile on his face.
My defenses broke and my face relaxed as I watched Nate. “And you also have no idea what’s happening in my life, which is kind of sad because we’re supposed to be best friends.”
“Look, Brian...” I sighed as I raised my hand and he shook his head.
“I’m not trying to be dramatic or anything. I’m just trying to say that no matter what it is that you’re going through, that you can’t tell me about yet. You will figure it out like you always do,” he said and I looked up at the ceiling, trying my hardest to blink away my tears.
It felt like everything was happening all at once, and I was finally getting in touch with the feelings I had suppressed for so long. The guilt came back in a huge amount and washed over me as I listened to his kind words.
“What if I can’t figure it out this time? What if I really fucked up and no one would forgive me?” I asked as I looked at him. His eyes widened when he noticed my glossy eyes and I groaned as I quickly wiped them.
“Fuck, Brian. I really am not this great guy you paint me out to be. I really fucked up big time.”
I frowned as the tears kept coming out of my eyes.What the shit?I was not expecting to cry, I didn’t want to cry because it felt foreign, but my heart could not take it anymore.
Everything felt so heavy on me and I wanted to run away and hide from it all, hoping that it would sort itself out. I wasn’t ready to face Brian and tell him I had been seeing his sister behind his back and that his four-year-old nephew was actually my son.
I wasn’t ready to see the look of realization in his eyes when he found out about my betrayal. I wasn’t ready to possibly lose my best friend. Most of all, I wasn’t ready to face Avery.
I’m a coward, just like him—my father.I would rather run away than deal with things head-on because I hated confronting people’s emotions, I hated seeing the disappointment in their eyes. I would always assume the worst and that they had made up their minds about me and that they were ready to cut me off and out of their lives forever.
Fuck, the man didn’t raise me, but he left such a huge scar on me.
“Look, man. I wasn’t trying to make you cry,” Brian said nervously as he raised his hands, motioning for me to calm down.
“I was just trying to tell you that I know you will do what’s right eventually and fix whatever went wrong instead of try and build something new. You always do what’s right, you just have to believe that you will figure it out, man.” He clasped my shoulder and just when I had thought I had finally calmed down.
I covered my face with my hand, feeling a fresh batch of fat ones roll down my eyes as my friend comforted me.
“Don’t overthink it, Nate. Don’t allow your thoughts to trick you and tell you that you’re far gone. That no one is here for you, I’m here for you. I’llalwaysbe your friend, even if you miss practice,” he joked as he rubbed my back and my shoulders shook with laughter as I looked up at him.
“I don’t deserve you, Brian,” I whispered as I wiped my nose.
“That’s not true, you deserve all the good things in your life.” He gently punched my arm. “Man, you look really ugly after you cry.” He grimaced and I chuckled softly as I threw my towel at him. “Eww!”
“Stop being annoying!” I shouted back as I chased after him in the gym. If there was anyone that could set me straight in my life, it definitely was Brian.
Which was exactly why I didn’t deserve him. When he would find out what I did with his sister, he was going to hate me.
That is one thought I can believe.
Chapter 23
Avery
In our dim little apartment, my son and I sat on the couch unwinding from the stressful week with a cartoon movie of his picking; a movie that we had watched way too many times and I could recite it word for word if I ever had to.
I would say that was one of the reasons I wasn’t paying attention to the movie, blankly staring at the television while my hand gently ran through his curls as he sat beside me. However, that would be a lie.
I could not stop thinking of how Nate rushed out of my office when I finally let the truth out. Honestly, I didn’t know what reaction I was hoping for. For him to jump with joy and express his gratitude, orfor him to say something along the lines that we would figure things out?
That was wishful thinking and it proved how I had started believing in my lies—that when he found out, he would actually be glad because that meant we would be a family at last—I wholeheartedly believed there was nothing wrong in taking my time with telling him about his son.
I was selfish and wrong. It blew up in my face and I couldn’t even vent to my mother even if she asked me. She saw my expression when I went to pick up Niel from their house earlier today, but she didn’t bother asking me if I was okay and told me to relax and stop thinking so much.
