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I was shaking uncontrollably. The tears were streaming down my face. The guilt I felt was all consuming.
“Oh, and Nikolai?”
“What do you want.”
“Can you steal a nice bottle of vodka from the manor? I like to do BYOB. It’s a bit more fun that way, like a potluck. So long, cousin.” Vladimir hung up.
The phone tone began to ring.
I stood there, frozen. I was going to kill the shit out of Vladimir Obolensky.
He had messed with the wrong fucking kid.
Chapter 20
Damien
Nikolai stormed out of the living room. Mr. Ivanov dropped his headphones on the martini table by the bookshelf and began to chase after him.
“Leave him,” I said. “He’s going to want to be alone for a minute.”
How could I have let this happen?Of course,the grandfather was in danger.Of course,Vladimir would take a hostage. He was evil, for sure, but the man was not stupid.
I, on the other hand, was the biggest idiot who’d ever dared to call himself a mafioso. I let myself forget the mission—to protect Nikolai at all costs. To do whatever I could to serve him, the rightful heir of the Russian mafia. And I had failed.
Miserably.
My parents were right. I was not cut out for this. I had one mission, a mission I’d prepared for for years. I let my feelings get the better of me and began to fall in love with the boy, allowing my emotions to completely cloud my judgment and my thoughts. Had I not been so distracted by Nikolai himself, by his beauty, by my yearning for him, by that very first goddamn dream about sex with him…this all could have been avoided.
I should have stayed professional.
You think John Gotti let love get in the way? Did Sammy the Bull fall for some chick and ruin his career? I wanted the mafia to be different, but not weak. I hated to admit it, but maybe Vladimir, that son of a bitch, was somewhat right. Maybe we were growing too weak. Maybe it took someone like him to be a real boss.
“Sir, is there anything I can do for you?” Mr. Ivanov asked. “Maybe some tea would help you think.”
“I just need to be alone right now, Mr. Ivanov. Thank you.” He left and let me be.
Poor Nikolai. He didn’t ask for any of this. And now, not only was his life in danger, but the life of the only person still alive that he loved. He could never love me, not the way I was beginning to love him. He would want nothing to do with me once this mess was all cleaned up, if we ever were able to clean it up. I no longer had whatever false confidence I’d gotten drunk on before. Who was I to think I could protect this boy? All I’ve done was bring him pain.
All I’d done was prove my family right.
I wanted nothing more than to go up to his room, to hug him, to tell him once more that everything would be okay. But I’d already done that, and it was a false promise. He would never trust that I’d be some savior. He knew that I fucked it all up.
Chapter 21
Nikolai
I was on the verge of a panic attack in my room.
Howhad I let this happen? I became so involved in saving my life, and then this stupid attachment to Damien, which grew in me like a weed, stealing away all the attention from what was important: my grandfather, the one person I had left on this planet.
Loss. I was so afraid of more loss.
What if Vladimir was torturing Grandpa? The old man wasn’t cut out for this. He’d never harm a flea. He didn’t want my parents to be a part of this lifestyle. He was probably in some cold cellar at Vladimir’s…house? Lair? Evil dungeon? Who knows. He was probably starving, scared for his life, wanting nothing more than to go back home and be with his grandson before this chaos started.
Breathe. Just breathe. I can figure this out.
The thought of losing him was too painful. I could not bear it. I could not go through that again.
