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“What are you going to do?” I say. “Call it off?”
She laughs. “Oh no, just think how I can manipulate him for the rest of his life with this. He’ll do everything I tell him from now on, or he’ll end up in jail. How ideal will that be? Like the perfect relationship. Total control.”
Holy shit, is she serious?
“Thanks,” she says and turns on her high heels and taps out of the room as fast as she entered it, the door closing with a soft click. I stare where she disappeared. Did that just happen? Cassandra was in our room for twenty minutes, tops.
Fabian drops his laptops onto the floor and rolls onto his front, groaning. “Looks like the wedding is still on then,” he grunts into the bedding, and I lie down next to him, the room swinging around dangerously. My stomach cramps and sweat starts to prickle on my forehead.
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
I throw myself out of bed and through the en-suite bathroom door, hands sliding on the toilet bowl as liquid splatters out of me. Sinking down, my hands tremble on the edge, tiles cold under my knees. If I’ve felt worse, I can’t remember it. Another spasm has me leaning forward with a groan.
A soft hand lands on my back, and I twist my head. Fabian slumps down by my side on the floor against the vanity cabinet beneath the sink, eyes closed, face pale, hand now moving up and down my back. He’s pulled his jeans on, but the tattoos around his shoulders and arms are on full display. Somehow, he doesn’t look like a technology wizard under the harsh lights.
“Are you waiting your turn to throw up or comforting me?” I crack.
He smiles. “I think I abuse my system so much that my body has given up trying to reject anything it doesn’t like.”
“Cassandra is mad,” I say. My stomach pitches, and I lean over the toilet again.
He makes small circles on my back. “Jesus, yes. Imagine knowing that about a person and marrying them anyway. Insane.”
Despite the crazy behavior, day to day, Fabian both understands people and rejects the kind of nonsense that other people indulge in. But perhaps he is like David, saying one thing and living by another.
“He’s a trader, right? Lots of traders view hardcore porn, don’t they?” I say.
“Yeah, I’d say it’s pretty endemic in the finance industry. I got a contract once to clear it all off a company’s server. One of the most difficult jobs I’ve ever done—that stuff is impossible. It leaves a trace everywhere.”
We lapse into silence. I’m cuddling the bowl like it’s my favorite comfort blanket.
“How are you doing?” he asks eventually. “Still sick?”
I nod.
Fabian closes his eyes and waves at a black toilet bag on the countertop. “I’ve got an emergency pack in there, enough for the two of us.”
Dragging myself upright, I run the tap and wash my hands and mouth before grabbing the bag and collapsing back down next to him. I open it to find four plastic pouches of white powder.
“What is it?”
He turns his head from where he’s propped against the cabinet, and opens one eye to peer at me. “My magic formula,” he says, mouth quirking, long eyelashes sweeping his cheeks as his eyes flutter closed.
His fingers are pale against the blue denim of his jeans, gnarly like they’ve spent years grabbing on to the loose concrete of windowsills. Three star tattoos decorate his right hand, one by the base of his thumb and two others on the outside edge by his little finger. I’m curious about the abrasions and scabs on his knuckles, a cut along one side of a nail that has been half ripped off. I peer into the bag again and take the pouches out.
“I’m not sure I …”
My eyes dart back to discover he’s grinning widely, and God, I want to kiss him. Would his lips be hard or soft? He cracks open an eye again.
“Do you trust me, Kate? Would you take it if I didn’t tell you what it was?”
I look at the bags in my hand. “Are you testing me?”
He shakes his head.
“Not really. Sorry, I’m just messing …”
He’s asking a question here, though. Something important. He’s seeing if I’ll hand control over to him, if he’s earned that right. I’m on a roller coaster at the top of the ride, staring down the drop. As an intern, I could lose everything if I got caught taking something illegal, but I want to believe in him. He appears honest and straight, but I’m not sure if he’s really like that and I am concerned about drugs.
