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I know he’s flinging my words back, but it still stings. “Mika…”
“You’ve been here … what … almost three weeks. And you think I’m the kind of guy who’s so obsessed with a woman’s looks? You think I’m that shallow? Have you met me? Sure, I was attracted to you at first because you looked like a fucking angel. But over time, it became more than that. We both know it. This goes way beyond anything casual. And it scares you.”
“Mika, that’s not?—”
“I want to know what you want from me, Max. You want us to fuck in private but pretend to be nothing more than roommates in public? Is that it?”
Words get lodged in my throat, and my heart pounds against my ribcage, making it hurt and turning me nauseous.
With his hands propped on his hips and a vein pulsing on his forehead, Mika stands there unmoving. His face betrays nothing, but the muscle ticking in his jaw tells me how difficult this conversation is for him.
He pins me with a look. “We're not doing anything wrong. We’re not hurting anyone. If falling in love with you was wrong, sue me. I don’t regret it. The only sad part in all of these is how you’re so preoccupied with other people's opinions that you forget which ones matter the most—yours and mine.”
Oh my God. With my fingers splayed across my stomach, I take big gulps of air, my breathing becoming shallow and irregular. Images of what could have been flash through my mind, and I will myself to stop.
I’ve crossed a line, and there’s no turning back.
Still…
Am I wrong? Did I just hurt him? Did I hurt the only guy who made me feel special?
“You embarrassed being seen with me, Max?”
“No!”
He nods slowly. “Because it surely feels like it.”
Mika doesn’t wait for me to respond. He grabs his jacket and slams the door shut. Covering my face with my hands, I let my body fall to the floor.
It’s quiet. Too quiet. The whole apartment feels colder and bigger without him in it.
Before coming here, I was scared out of my mind. I couldn’t sleep and kept thinking of the what-ifs. Now I realize… one thing that made this transition easier was Mika. It’s not just the small things—preparing my coffee and toast before I head to work even if he’s about to hit the sack, picking me up every day, and waiting for me when I need to stay up late.
Mika also listened to me rant about random stuff, like the lady who cut in front of me at the grocery store, the suit-wearing asshole who spilled coffee on my shoes and didn’t apologize, or one of the big-time clients who liked sending emails in the middle of the night.
With Mika around, I totally forgot I was new in town. I adjusted so quickly and so easily. And I repaid him by hurting him.
Oh, God. What have I done?
5
MIKA
Max is moving out in two days. We haven’t talked in three.
The fact that I haven’t touched her is driving me crazy. I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing, but without the sexual film glazing over my eyes, I’ve come to the conclusion that Max is the one for me. No one else.
Even if she won’t let me fuck her ever again, I still need her in my life. Need her like the oxygen I breathe. Being in the same space as her, with thin walls separating us, but unable to touch her is torture. I often find myself on the verge of knocking down her door and begging … for what, I have no idea.
She doesn’t want me the same way I want her. Maybe it was just sex for her, but damn, I was beginning to think of our future together.
And that rips me apart more than anything.
But no matter how much I yearn for her, I will respect her wishes. If she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, then I understand. That doesn’t mean I don’t walk around feeling like my spine is in a vise. That also doesn’t mean I won’t try and scare any guy who even tries to spare her a second of attention.
Anyone who wants to get to her has to get through me, and I’ll make sure no one gets through me. Tough luck, assholes.
* * *
