AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Of course it is.”
“You could always move on to another girl.”
“No, I can’t. She was it for me.”
“I totally understand that, Oliver,” Bobby says, reaching into the front seat, putting his hand on Natalie’s shoulder. She blushes.
Fuck my life. I’m never going to be happy again.
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
JANUARY
THREE WEEKS LATER
“How long are you going to lay in the bed and deny what you need to do?” I pull the phone from my ear and look at it like the girl on the other end of the line can see my face. My tongue is sticking out because how dare she know what I should be doing? It makes me smile however to be having this conversation.
It has been three weeks since Oliver left and went home. We attempted to talk every day for the first week, but with Natalie’s injuries it was difficult and more, so it was hard for me to hear his voice and not be able to touch him. It was easier for me to just not talk to him, so I came up with some lame excuse about planning and getting enrolled and blah blah and stopped answering his calls. It was the worst decision I ever made because for a week I laid in bed and cried. My dad tried talking to me, making me eat, bringing me tea, anything but my heart was broken.
I began to talk to myself, make plans in my head that I didn’t dare put on paper because then I would have to admit the scariest thing in the world, that I'm willing to give up everything to go to him and be with him. Hell, I even started researching schools around his house. My dad and I talked some, but not much because there was nothing I was willing to say to him at this point. I need to talk to Oliver first.
Then one day I woke up running to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl. For an hour, I laid my head over the opening in disbelief and denial until my phone rang. Like a sign from the universe that everything happens for a reason, I got a message on my phone from the donor chat and there, like a beacon in the night, was a message from a young woman named February. She introduced herself, told me she just found out who her donor was and was given the information about this chat and that I was already in it.
Just like that I have a sister. Her name is February Graham, and she is the same age as I am. Seems our mothers were inseminated three weeks apart. It is amazing really how quickly we bonded. Within days she was down here with me for a visit. It never occurred to me how lonely I was without a sibling until she was here, and we were giggling like little girls. We spent a lot of time looking at one another for similarities but other than our names there are none. The one thing we both agree on is that the request our donor made of the receiving women to name their daughters after the months was strange, but also pretty cool.
Now, she is on the phone telling me I need to take a pregnancy test and call Oliver. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” I tell her, sipping on the ginger ale. It's about the only thing I can hold down right now.
“Seriously, January. Don’t you want to know? I mean heck it's not even my body and I want to know.” I can practically hear her bouncing up and down on the other end.
“Of course I want to know. I guess I’m just scared.”
“Of what?” She asks.
“Either answer.” It is as honest as I can be.
“I get it. But you deserve to be happy sis, and no matter what I am here for you,” she says, popping her gum on the other end.
“I am so glad we found each other,” I tell her, crying into my pillow.
“I know. I am too. I actually wanted to talk to you about that. How would you feel if I took up where you left off?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, wiping my face.
“I would like to continue the search. I know you planned on it later in the year, but something tells me you are going to be busy.” She giggles and then I hear something muffled before she comes back to the phone. “Look I have to go, but I expect to hear from you later. Alright?”
“Yeah yeah,” I answer, hiccupping through silent tears. “Listen, I think it would be great for you to finish the search if you want to.” I can hear her clapping her hands.
“Yay!! This is going to be so fun. Okay I have to go. Talk to you later.” Once I have hung up I sit on my bed contemplating her edict. I know she is right on every front, but the coward in me that is only strong when I am with Oliver, doesn’t move. My eyes land the brown paper bag in the chair hiding the pregnancy test I ordered through the delivery service last night.
“Damn it,” I whisper to myself when I get out of bed knowing I need to finally do this. Not for the first time in my life I give thanks that I have my own bathroom.
Slowly I walk into the bathroom and read the instructions on the two boxes I bought. Both are fairly simple and to tell you the truth I know the outcome already. I knew from the first day I lost my food, but having it reflected back to me is going to make it real.
Once I finish and put both tests on the counter, I look at myself in the mirror and say what I should have said in the beginning. “Grow up, January. You have more than yourself to worry about now and your baby needs its dad.” Sighing, I square my shoulders back, remove my clothes and jump in the shower. Standing under the spray I remember the times Oliver and I bathed together, making love in the hot water until it was cold.
My hands skim my body lost in memories and then it slides over my stomach and my eyes open. I brace both hands on my still flat abdomen and say a quiet hello to the life I know is in there. “Hey little one. I’m your mama. I’m sorry I have a bit of a mess lately. It is not because of you, well some of it is because of you, but it is also because I miss your daddy. But I promise I am going to make it right. Or try to.” I owe my baby that much.
Washed and dried, I throw on my robe and wrap up my hair. Taking a deep breath I look at the two tests on my counter and the result is no surprise to me although seeing the confirmation makes me more emotional. I’m going to be a mom.
