AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Wait, what?” Brendan frowns. “Why do you need to leave?”
“I can’t tell him. And if I stay here, he’ll find out. I’m going to have to find somewhere else to start over. I don’t want to leave LA, but I don’t really think I have a choice. Not if I want to do this on my own.” I feel my throat starting to close over at the idea of leaving. The memory comes back to me of sitting next to Dante on the beach, telling him how much I want to stay here, how much my home means to me, and I feel tears burning behind my eyes again.
“Why not tell him?” Brendan shakes his head. “I don’t understand what you’re thinking, Emma. I’m sorry, but I really don’t. If he’s mafia, then he’s rich as shit, right? You’re insane if you don’t tell him. He could keep you and the baby in whatever lifestyle you wanted, right here in LA. If you do this on your own, it’s going to be so much harder.”
“I know.” I bite my lip, trying to think of how to make him understand. “My freedom is more important. Mybaby’sfreedom is, too. If I’m with him—I’m always going to have to live within the rules of his world. Security following me everywhere, keeping us safe. People looking at how I act, how I dress, how I live my life. Everything I do will matter to hisimage. And our child will have all these expectations placed on them before they’re even born—”
“Has he said any of that to you?” Brendan asks, his voice suddenly a little gentler than before. “About expecting certain things, I mean.”
I hesitate. “No. I mean—he’s talked about security before, when he was worried about me. He got into some trouble and was worried about them looking into me, too. But we never talked about anything else. I just—that’s how it all works. I know that’s how it would be.”
“How do you know, if you haven’t talked about it? I think you should consider that maybe it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be. I mean—don’t get me wrong, he’s a scary fucking guy. But it’s kinda hot.” Brendan shrugs. “Someone willing to go to those lengths to protect you? It’s out there, but I can’t say I’d be all that upset about it.”
“I can’t bring a child into that world.” I shake my head fiercely. A part of me wants to listen to Brendan, to give this all a chance, but I’m too afraid of what the consequences might be.
Too afraid that if I give it a chance, I might never get out if I change my mind.
“It’s your choice.” Brendan sighs. “But I think you have more choices than you’re allowing yourself.”
I stand up, taking my glass to the sink. “Thanks for listening.” I shove my hands into my pockets, feeling that knot in my stomach tighten all over again. “But I should probably go. I need to—figure things out.”
There’s a flicker of disappointment in Brendan’s face that I try not to see. “I’m always here if you need me, Em,” he says quietly. “I always have been; you just don’t really open up. I’m not blaming you for that. Just—if you need me, call. You don’t have to bail because you’re scared.”
“I’m not.” I can hear the defensiveness in my own voice, and I know it’s a lie as surely as Brendan does. I just don’t know what else to do. “This is the right choice.”
“If you’re sure.” He stands up, giving me a quick hug before walking me to the door. “I’m always just a phone call away.”
I make it down to my car before the tears spill over. I press my forehead against the steering wheel, trying to breathe as I press my hand to my stomach.
I don’t want to leave LA. Every part of me wants to stay in the home I’ve lived in all of my life, to keep the life that I’ve worked so hard for. But the only solution I can see to my problems is to run.
Reaching for my phone, I take a deep breath. A plan starts to form in my head as I scroll through my contacts. I have a friend who lives in Seattle, Abby, and I quickly text her, starting the car as I do.
Hey. It’s Emma. Are you still in Seattle? I might be relocating up there.
We haven’t talked in a while, but at one point, when she was still in LA, we were best friends. The more I think about it as I drive home, the better the plan starts to sound. Seattle has a good tattoo scene—I should be able to find a job there, especially now that I don’t have the fear of Rico dragging me through the mud. And it’s still on the West Coast, not so far away that I’ll feel entirely transplanted. It’s not the same as staying here, but it feels like a compromise.
A way to start over without erasing everything that makes me feel like myself.
My phone buzzes, and I grab it as soon as I park.
I am! Are you really moving up here? If you need a place to crash, I have a spare room.
I stare at the message, gratitude flooding me. The phone rings a moment later, and I answer it immediately.
“Abby?”
“Em!” Her voice comes over the line, excitement filling every syllable as she speaks. “Oh my god—I kept hoping you’d come visit, but I didn’t think you’d ever move. Are you serious?”
I swallow hard. “Yeah, I am. Some things have changed, and I think I need to get out of LA for a bit. You’re really okay with me crashing until I get some things settled?” I let out a breath. “My dad passed away six months ago, so I have the condo. I have to think about what to do with it—I don’t really want to sell it, but I can’t afford a mortgage and rent. So—I need to figure out what to do.”
“Shit, Em. I’m so sorry. Of course—whatever you need. I remember your dad let me crash on the sofa for a month while I was trying to find an apartment.” Abby pauses. “Honestly, I can’t believe you’re leaving. What happened?”
I hesitate. It feels hard to just come out and say it. But I can’t take Abby up on her offer and not tell her. “I’m pregnant,” I say finally. “And I don’t want the father to be involved. So it’s better if I just—leave. At least for a while.”
“Shit,” Abby breathes. “Okay—yeah. Just come as soon as you want to. I have a friend who is a really good obstetrician, too, I can hook you up with her. We’ll figure this out, okay? And good artists can makecrazymoney here. You might be able to afford both!”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “I doubt that. But the optimism is helpful.”
