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What are you doing in this group chat, Dad?
Father Paul invited me earlier and I gotta say, I am enjoying every minute of being here. Although your conversation as a whole is pathetic.
Hey, Uncle Atlas?
Yes?
Remember the expensive painting someone stole from your house? It was your favorite, and you mourned the loss deeply.
Of course. I still want to catch the fucker who stole it.
Let’s try to keep this chat profanity-free.
No.
Shut your mouth, Lucian.
Well, it’s your lucky day because Jacob accidentally destroyed it when we all got drunk on his seventeenth birthday.
And he helped me to cover up the crime, Dad. He came up with the idea to tear it up and bury it somewhere so no one would find it.
Couldn’t handle the heat on your own, could you?
We should calm down…
And Paul was there to pray for our souls as we laughed our asses off. Did I mention we were also high?
This chat is getting more embarrassing by the second. You’re about to be grandparents, for fuck’s sake. There is only one drama king in this family, and that’s me.
Now apologize to each other and make up. I have a headache from all the business-related problems both of you are causing each other. Not to mention I can’t even enjoy the upcoming birth of my great-grandson because of you two. I expect a super-exaggerated baby shower with all the hoopla.
Jacob has left the group chat.
Lucian has left the group chat.
Looks like it’s just an old manwhore and you, Father Paul. Does discussing my latest threesome count as a confession to clean my soul?
Father Paul has left the group chat.
Fifteen minutes later
I have a hundred-year-old scotch in my collection. My father always said I should use it to celebrate the birth of my grandchild. The idea seemed funny at the time because I never wanted a family until I met my beautiful wife.
You’re sharing this with me because?
Let’s drink it together. Tonight.
And we should do that why?
I’m extending an olive branch here, fucking accept it before I get annoyed and take it back.
I think by extending an olive branch, you mean apologizing to me?
Fucking hell, why do you have to be so difficult about this, Jacob? We’ve had our arguments over the years, but you’ve never held a grudge for so long.
Because you matter to my kid, and you hurt him.
He hurt me too.
