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“He either wants me or he doesn’t,” I considered aloud.
“Or he wants youtoo much,” Torie said, her tone slightly amused. “I have a feeling he’s trying to decide whether he’s good enough for you right now, or whether he should be putting you at risk by being with him.”
I eyed her for a moment before I inquired, “Are you being absolutely serious right now?”
She swallowed a sip of her Diet Coke. “Completely,” she informed me. “Both Wyatt and Chase have a habit of taking on the responsibility for anything that happens to someone they care about. God, they still blame themselves for my kidnapping, which we both know is entirely ludicrous. I’m a woman with a doctorate degree and I’d already traveled the world by that time in my job with the UN. I was perfectly able to take care of myself, but I was still their little sister, and they felt like they should have watched out for me better. And it’s not just my brothers who feel that way. Cooper beat himself half to death over me getting kidnapped the second time, even though he rescued me and got me to safety when he was horribly injured himself. Alpha men like Cooper and Chase have a very hard time dealing with the fact that someone they love could get injured under their watch. It’s not really ego. It’s the overactive sense of responsibility they feel for taking care of someone they love.”
“That’s totally insane,” I told her, astonished. “They can’t control the actions of other people.”
Torie smirked. “Don’t tell them that. In their minds, they should be able to protect us from anything that makes us even the least bit uncomfortable. I guarantee that’s where Chase’s head is right now. It’s not that hard to figure out since I’m married to a man who has a lot of the same reactions.”
“I’ve already told him that he wasn’t responsible,” I objected.
Torie lifted a brow. “I’ve tried to convince the stubborn men in my life of the same thing. Do you think that matters to a guy who has an overinflated sense of guilt and responsibility?”
“To be honest, that really makes me…angry. I’m very able to take care of myself, too. What happened was a fluke. It was the result of someone with a very sick and twisted mind. Chase isn’t all powerful, nor does he think like someone who is mentally ill.”
“But you love him anyway,” Torie pointed out. “Be warned that guys like him are always going to think they should be able to keep you safe at all times with no excuses. They don’t cut themselves a break on that and probably never will.”
“How do you handle that?” I asked, still trying to process what she’d just said.
She shrugged. “I don’t, because I know I’m never going to change Cooper when it comes to his protective instincts. Honestly, I hate to see him hurting for any reason, too. I don’t reallywantto change him. I just have to draw the line when it’s too much to handle. Otherwise, I accept it as part of his personality. Part of me loves that part of him, unless he gets too pigheaded.”
“Like asking if you’ll use a bodyguard?” I asked drily before I took another bite of my cookie.
She chuckled. “That’s when you start setting some boundaries so their obsession doesn’t completely take over your life.”
“I can handle that,” I explained. “But I can’t deal with being completely shut out. It’s killing me, Torie.”
“Then tell him that’s a defense mechanism that you won’t tolerate,” she advised. “I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t stand for that, either. I don’t think he consciously realizes he’s hurting you, but it’s selfish.”
“You do realize that you’re talking about your own brother here, right?”
“Look, I love both Chase and Wyatt, and I know they’re two of the most amazing guys on Earth, but I also know they aren’t perfect,” she said with a sigh.
“I didn’t want to intrude on his space,” I reasoned. “But I don’t think he’s going to listen unless I do. I’ve waited for him to snap out of this for two weeks now. I’ve had about as much of the silent treatment as I can take. This isn’t like him, Torie. He’s never been like this. God, he knows he can tell me anything.”
“Most likely, he doesn’t understand this issue enough to talk about it,” she observed.
“Or he just wants me to leave him alone,” I said wistfully. “I’m seriously thinking about moving out, Torie. That condo is still available. I checked. All I have to do is sign the lease. It’s empty. I could move in within days.”
“Is that really what you want?” she questioned.
A tear leaked from the corner of my eye as I confessed, “No. But I can’t be the only person in this relationship who wants to communicate.”
“I promise that you’re not,” she said sadly. “But my brother is acting like a jackass.”
“I used to know what he was thinking most of the time. I don’t anymore.”
The silent understanding that Chase and I used to share felt all but dead. He barely looked at me anymore.
Although I wanted to believe that all of this was coming from an overreaching sense of responsibility, I just wasn’t sure anymore.
Why wouldn’t he talk to me?
Why wouldn’t he tell me if he was just plain…worried?
Every single day, I got more and more concerned that he didn’t really want me around anymore, and it was tearing me apart.
