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“I’m just dealing with some personal stuff,” I say.
But Sakina isn’t one to let things go easily. “Anything you want to talk about?”
I hesitate, then decide to take the plunge. Screw it. Maybe she’ll have some helpful advice and that’ll be worth crossing my boundaries.
“It’s about a guy. Josh.” I wince. Even saying his name is painful. “I know him from high school, and he still lives in my hometown. We were dating, but things ended badly.”
Sakina nods sympathetically. “Breakups can be tough. Would you like some time off to process things?”
I shake my head. “No, I need the distraction. But it’s hard.”
I look down. First the breakup with Dan, and now this.
Albeit, Dan was not a good guy at all. After the initial shock of his cheating wore off, I didn’t miss him one bit. I felt liberated without him in my life.
But Josh is something different. Even after what happened on his porch, he still has my heart. If he were to all me up and ask for me, I would be at his door as soon as possible.
Which is sad. The guy used me, then tossed me to the side, and I’m still drooling over him.
Sakina is slowly nodding. “Well, you could always try something drastic. Like a new haircut or a tattoo.”
I laugh despite myself. “I don’t think a tattoo is the answer.”
Sakina grins. “You never know. Sometimes a little change can go a long way.”
I know she’s right, but the thought of doing something drastic scares me. I’m not that impulsive.
We continue touring the space, but my stomach isn’t doing too well. It feels like the morning’s smoothie is threatening to come back up.
I wonder what Josh is doing right now. Is he thinking about me too? Does a small part of him, no matter how tiny it is, miss me as well? It’s stupid, I know, but I can’t help it.
Nausea rises up my chest, and I press my palm there. Honestly, what is going on with my body?
Sakina notices my sudden discomfort and asks, “Are you okay?”
I shake my head, trying to push back the bile rising in my throat. “I think I need to sit down for a moment.”
Without a word, she leads me to a nearby chair and hands me a bottle of water. I take a few sips, hoping it will calm the nausea, but it only seems to worsen.
“Maybe we should call it a day,” Sakina suggests, noticing my distress. “You can go home and rest. I’ll let everyone know you’ll be back tomorrow.”
I purse my lips. I haven’t even officially started back at work yet. I can’t already be falling apart.
Maybe I’m not cut out for this career after all. Maybe I need something low-stress and in a smaller area. Like a job at a shop in Fort Williams.
The thought makes my stomach sour even more. I can’t believe I’m longing for that life that I left behind years ago. A life that I almost ran back to and that now would be a total mistake.
I belong in San Antonio, working in medicine. And there’s no way I’m burnt out again already.
“I probably ate something bad.” I force a smile.
Sakina nods. “Let’s call it a day anyway.”
“Sure.” We make our way out of the building and to the parking lot.
I’m not feeling any better as I get in my car and head for my apartment. On top of the nausea, I feel incredibly exhausted, like I just want to sleep.
And hungry. I’m so hungry.
