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“And what kind of woman do you want me to be, Riley?” I whispered as he began to trail kisses along my jawline.
“The woman I see beneath it all. I want you to be vulnerable with me, I want you to trust me. I want you to let me take care of you and to feel safe enough to let go of being all those things for a time. I want your submission.” He purred before his lips brushed mine.
“My submission?” I questioned as he took my hands, raising them above my head, and pinned them with one hand.
It was so easy to forget how solid and big Riley was. His body was firm against mine and my body reacted, heat pooling at my core.
“Yes. I want you to surrender to me, let me take care of you.” He whispered before he licked the seam of my lips.
“What does that even mean?” I gasped and he sighed, nuzzling my neck.
“I’ll be honest with you. I have a particular kind of kink. I would never push it on you but I would want to explore it with you if you were open to it.” He said, sitting up and pulling me to a seated position next to him.
“That sounds ominous,” I said with a nervous laugh and he smiled but I saw the look in his eyes, he was afraid to tell me.
“Hey. What is it? I promise you I have seen some weird things in my time so it takes a lot to shock me and I won’t judge you.” I placed a hand on his arm, needing to reassure him while my stomach twisted in knots.
I hoped he wasn’t about to ask me to pee on him or something, I didn’t knock other people’s kinks but that was a definite hard no for me.
“I’m what is known as a Soft Dom. I like to play with the dominance and submission dynamics with my partner but I don’t like to do it through control and pain or anything along those lines.” He said in a rushed voice.
“Okay. So how does it work for you?” I asked and he looked away, nervously.
“Well. I don’t know entirely. I have only experienced this dynamic a few times with women and they weren’t into it. They thought it was too weird. I did look into the lifestyle through some kink clubs and online forums but my life kind of got in the way and I didn’t get to explore it further. Then I met you.” He said, his eyes swinging to me.
“What did they think was weird about it?” I asked, suddenly feeling angry on his behalf.
“They didn’t like the idea of submitting. It was my fault really, venturing into the world of Dom/sub is always going to be full of complications, especially with partners that don’t enjoy that lifestyle.” He said with a shrug.
“They thought I was taking away their power and wanted to control them like objects which is the farthest from what I want. I take the role seriously.” He added and I had to admit, I was curious.
My understanding of what a Dominant was came from seeing some of the dynamics around me, men who did view their women as their property even if they loved them in their own way and wanted to control, to punish sometimes even hurt them for their own pleasure.
“So say I agree to this, what would you want me to do?” I asked, trying to picture Riley in a dominant role.
I had to admit, his personality didn’t strike me as a dominant man but then if he had been shamed for it in the past, he probably hid it out of fear of it happening again.
“Well, first I don’t want to agree to anything just as a sexual exchange. For me, this kind of role is intertwined with a relationship, especially with you. I don’t have the capacity to be intimate with you without it being an emotional relationship too.” He said and I hesitated.
It wasn’t the first time we had this conversation and I had said I would try, but I was still terrified of the thought of being hurt.
Relationships were something I never thought I would do again and yet here I was with four men all asking in some capacity to be in a relationship with me.
He wouldn’t want you to be alone.
Anatoly’s words echoed in my mind as I looked at Riley who was patiently waiting for my answer.
I had two options. Refuse him and spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been, or I could trust him and dive in.
“Okay. I’ll trust you, Riley. But the others…” I started, knowing if I agreed to this with Riley, I would have to consider what the others had said too and the thought of falling in love, let alone choosing between anyone was something I don’t think I could handle right now.
“Don’t worry about it. Leo and I didn’t lie when we said we were in this together and if you wanted to include others, then we can work it out. But this, between us. This dynamic would be just for us.” He said and I took a deep breath, knowing that the next few moments were going to change everything for us.
“So what would the dynamic be?” I asked and he smiled.
“Well there are some things that I am still navigating myself as I figure out this part of who I am but mostly, it would be allowing me to be in control of your actions and situations, within reasonof course. This doesn’t extend to only the bedroom, but also other aspects of your personal life. I would never let it interfere with your work, I may not understand the work you exactly do, but I understand your need for power and an image of absolute control there.” He added and I smiled at that.
“In the bedroom, I prefer to be in control. I like playing with the senses, bondage, and having someone at my mercy for pleasure, knowing that everything I do is also to please you.” His eyes darkened and I felt my heart beat rapidly at the idea of letting him tie me up.
