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“Ms. Preston, the nurses downstairs said you started pumping. I would like to supplement that into her diet tomorrow through her tube feeding, maybe by tomorrow evening or the next morning we can try her nursing. I understand you would like to avoid a bottle as much as possible, I'll have the nurses wake you regularly to pump if that is okay with you.”
“I’ll do whatever is necessary if it helps put some weight on her.”
“With the tube feeding tomorrow, Mr. Donovan or one of the many other family members can help feed her. Okay?”
“All right,” I say sullenly, and Joshua chuckles next to me.
“What, Angel? You don't want to share?”
The doctor laughs quietly too.
“Not really. Sorry.” I shrug.
Joshua rubs her back and talks softly to her. It's the perfect little moment, and we have a nurse take a picture of our little family. I hold her for a while before they suggest putting her back. We head back to my room so I can pump again and rest. Holding her made my body want to nurse, and I'm exhausted. Once back in my room, Joshua lifts me into the bed and sits down in a chair next to me. I snuggle into bed and fall asleep. I love this man with everything in me.
Joshua
“Mr. Donovan.”
The quiet voice wakes me up from my restless sleep. I'm still not able to sleep with Ana, but I moved a chair close to her bed and sleep holding her hand, my head resting next to her hip. I open my eyes to see a nurse looking down at me.
“Yes.” I yawn.
“Is everything okay?” Ana wakes too.
“Yes, everything is fine. It’s four in the morning, and Dr. MacWilliams wants to do a feeding on Isabella. Would you like to come, Mr. Donovan?”
“Yes, I would love to.” I stand, still holding Ana's hand.
“Can I come?” She looks hopefully at the nurse.
“I believe the nurse is on her way in to have you pump and Dr. MacWilliams wants as little commotion as possible for Baby Donovan.”
“Okay, kiss her for me, honey.” She smiles, but I can see the disappointment in her eyes.
“I will, Angel.”
I follow the nurse out and up to the NICU. Just as before, I wash up and change into scrubs. When I enter, they have a rocking chair next to her incubator. I sit in the chair and wait for them to hand me my daughter. All the days waiting for this moment, the first time I get to hold my daughter in my arms. She isn’t from my flesh but she is mine. My heart stutters in my chest. This little beauty is my heart.
“Okay, first to help her stay calm, how about you take off your shirt?”
“What?” I look up at the nurse in shock.
“I'm sorry to put it like that, but Kangaroo Care is the best way for this to work.”
“Okay.” I nod, understanding what she means now.
“Hello, Mr. Donovan.” Dr. MacWilliams walks in. “I've changed my mind after consulting with the other doctor. I would like to try a bottle feeding of Ms. Preston's breast milk.”
“Really? Okay.” I pull my shirt off and wait.
The nurse lays Isabella onto my chest and covers us both with a blanket. My hand cups her tiny bottom. Her little head is turned to the side and her pale blond fuzz of hair brushes my chest. Her little fists knead against my skin as her lips pucker. The nurse gently places a small bottle against Isabella's lips. Her lips open and close trying to find purchase on the nipple. She finally gets a suction on it, and the tiny sounds of her eating brings tears to my eyes. I hold the bottle and look down at my world.
She only eats for a short time, and I hold her a little longer, burping her gently.
“The plan is to now feed her every three hours via a bottle until her suction gets better. We are going to try breast this evening. I figured you would like to try to feed her this first time.”
“Thank you.”
