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“I should be scared.”
“No, you shouldn’t.”
I close my eyes and snuggle closer, breathing his smell. He’s wrong—I should be terrified—but I’m not.
Instead, I want this. Whatever we have, whatever we’re building, I want to see it through. Not just for a year, but for longer. As long as we can manage.
I want to be with him.
It’s a sudden and physically violent realization. I stiffen, and I don’t know what he thinks is going on, but he only holds me tighter. I don’t cry, because this is a happy moment.
We stay like that for a while. Not speaking, just being together. But eventually I get up and shower. He joins me, his hands absently touching my body as we talk about nothing in particular.
“I keep meaning to tell you something, but I got a little sidetracked.” He’s toweling himself off while I pull on clothes at the foot of the bed.
“What’s that?” I glance at his muscles moving as he rubs at his thick, dark hair. God, this man is gorgeous.
“Carlo thinks he knows where to find our Irishmen. We’re going after them tomorrow.” He fills me in about his conversation with his brother, and when he’s done, I’m left with an uneasy feeling in my chest.
“That’s going to be dangerous.”
He pulls on a pair of sweatpants and sits next to me on the end of the bed. I put my head on his shoulder. “Yeah, it will be.”
“I don’t want you to do it.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Seriously, Gian. I don’t want you to get killed for me.”
He’s silent for a second. Then he sighs and wraps an arm around me. “It’s not just for you. It’s also for my family. I’ve been… I’ve been distant for a while. I barely visited when I was out in Vegas. I lost touch with my roots, Allegra. Being back makes me remember how good it feels to be a part of something, and I want that for you.”
“I don’t know if this will fix anything.”
“Maybe it won’t, but it’s worth trying.” He breathes in like he’s smelling my hair.
“It’s crazy, but I don’t want you to do it anymore. This whole time, the only thing I could think about was fixing stuff with my dad and getting my old life back, but I’m not even sure I want it anymore.”
“What changed?”
“This.” I kiss him softly. “But also things with your family. I’m starting to feel… welcome.”
He smirks at me. “You’re replacing your asshole father with my older brother, huh?”
“If anyone’s my daddy, it’s you.”
He laughs as he hugs me tight and I grin at him, feeling stupid but happy. I stay in his arms for a while, but we break apart, and his smile is gone.
“I still have to do it,” he says, walking over to his dresser. He pulls a drawer open and fishes around for something. I stare at the gun he removes. The slide yanks back and snaps forward with a click. He checks the magazine and shoves it back into the handle. “Sometimes what we want and what we need aren’t the same. Maybe this is one of those times.”
“Which means what?”
“You might not want your family back, but we fucking need them to win this war.” He shoves the gun into his sweatpants. I’ve never seen a more glorious sight: Gian, shirtless, torso still damp from the shower, muscles tense from fucking me, gun in the waistband, sweats pulled down low. I didn’t know I was into the macho stuff, but my nipples are instantly stiff. “Now, I want some wine. What do you think?”
“I think if you keep coming inside of me without a condom, you’ll be drinking for two.”
“I won’t complain one bit.”
Chapter 38
