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“Don’t worry, boys. We’re working on it.” Gian’s beaming proudly.
“What? Hold on, we are not.”
“That’s my guy,” Carlo says, fist-bumping Gian. “Banging his wife.”
“Oh my god.” I stare around them in horror. “Please stop.”
“Nothing wrong with a little sexual intercourse within a monogamous marriage,” Saul says, swirling his glass with an approving nod.
“I wish I would explode,” I whisper.
“Okay, enough,” Maddie says, coming to my defense, and I’m saved as a couple of staff members begin bringing out the food.
That mortifying conversation aside, the meal is good and the guys are actually pretty funny to be around. They banter and argue like brothers, but it’s obvious they care about each other. Renzo’s a bit aloof, since he’s the Don, and Saul’s obviously the most responsible one. Carlo’s got a wild stream, while Gian’s more reserved. But they fit together and even enjoy a bunch of inside jokes and stories from their childhood that I can only half follow. It helps that the food’s really good and my wine glass is magically never empty.
When the meal’s over, I find myself strolling through the garden with Maddie. There are lights all along the path and more shining among the flowers, giving the whole thing an otherworldly vibe. As we come around a corner, there’s a firepit already crackling with flames.
“You seem like you and Gian get along really well.” Maddie stands close to the fire, holding her palms out. It’s a comfortable night, but the heat feels good.
“We have history,” I admit.
“I kind of figured. You guys just have that sort of chemistry, you know?”
“Really? You could tell? I mean, can anyone else?”
She laughs, shaking he head. “That’s a secret, huh? Don’t worry. I won’t tell. Renzo’s totally oblivious and Saul’s too busy playing with his new little Vegas toy to notice a detail like that. And Carlo only ever notices Carlo.”
I chew on my lip, considering what to tell her. It’s been hard, going through this strange new relationship with Gian, but not having anyone to talk about it with.
“We were together in college.” I speak very softly, afraid someone might overhear. “Nobody knows. I don’t even know why we hide it anymore since it’s been so long. But yeah. We have history.”
Her smile is teasing as she takes a sip of her wine. “What he told Renzo is true then? You two really are in love?”
I cough and she laughs at me. “I don’t, uh?—”
“It’s fine. Renzo figured you guys had some other reason he didn’t know about, but maybe it really is just love. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?” She looks back at the fire, her smile turning wistful. “These guys get so little of that in their lives. Has Gian ever talked about his father?”
“Not really,” I admit. “From what I know about the old Don Rossi, he was a tough person.”
“Ask him sometime. Maybe he’ll tell you what it was like. Then you throw in their poor mother on top of everything, and it’s no wonder they’re all a bunch of emotionally repressed psychos.”
“Not exactly a ringing endorsement.”
“No, I know, but how about this. Gian looks at you the way Renzo looks at me. That’s nice, right?”
I chew my lip. I noticed that tonight too and I hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself. “Maybe there was some truth in what he told your husband. Maybe, I don’t know. It’s a little confusing right now.”
“Look, I don’t know what you two are up to, and I don’t care. Just make sure you’re happy. That’s okay, you know? You can just be with him and be happy.”
“Yeah. Right.” I want to say more, but laughter spills down the path, and a second later Carlo appears with Saul. Gian and Renzo aren’t far behind, both of them much more reserved, though I noticed they’re loosening up a bit. Carlo’s telling a story about a clueless young kid that wants to join the organization and is willing to basically mop floors and bus tables to make it happen. Everyone’s laughing, and Carlo’s getting more animated, and I barely even notice when Gian appears at my side, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.
I could pull away. I could set boundaries. Instead, I lean into him and breathe in his smell, spicy and musky mixed with the fire, and I smile at the way Carlo’s miming the kid trying to balance six plates on his arms and falling over in the middle of a strip club. I glance at Maddie, and she’s smiling too, and I realize she’s right.
I can be happy. It’s okay to be happy. I’m not hurting anyone, and I’m not betraying my family. I’m just smiling and enjoying my time with my husband.
For tonight, I can just be happy.
Chapter 30
