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Her face falls. “Oh. Okay.”
“I’m not trying to be a bitch, I just don’t know what I want from you right now.” It breaks my heart, saying this. “You really hurt me, Soph. I needed you, and you hurt me.”
“I know. I screwed up. I’m an awful cousin.”
“Yeah. You are.”
She grimaces. “I deserve that.”
“I’m not trying to kick you while you’re down. I’m just not sure what I want right now.”
We reach the parking lot. She stands by her car but doesn’t get in. I look around to make sure we’re alone, suddenly paranoid. Her reaction has me on edge.
“Your dad keeps asking about you,” she says. “I told him we’re not really talking, but that hasn’t stopped him from asking how you are almost every day. I tell him you’re good because I think you are, but yeah.”
“He can call and ask me if he really cares.”
“You know he won’t. He loves you, but you know he’s too stubborn.”
“Yeah, well, that doesn’t do me much good.”
“Can I call you? Like maybe next week? Just to check in.”
I take a slow, deep breath, and blow it out. “How about you text me whenever you want and we’ll go from there.”
“Works for me.” She brightens. “I really missed you. How are things with your husband?”
“Good,” I admit, although I don’t want to talk about Gian with her right now. “I should get going before he starts to worry. You’re sure everyone’s okay?”
“Aside from the guys that were killed, everyone’s fine. Just really stressed and on edge.”
“Do you think my dad would talk to me if I called him?”
She tilts her head to the side and frowns. “I really don’t think so. Do you want me to tell him that we saw each other?”
“If you want to. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“I’m over it. God, I never should’ve said any of that. I was just scared and being a selfish idiot and I’m just so sorry.”
“I know you are.”
I give her a quick, awkward hug, then hurry away back to where I parked a block away. I turn around and I don’t slow down, because if I do, I’m either going to start crying or I’ll run over there and beg her to be my friend again.
A big part of me wants her back in my life. But a bigger part can’t get over what happened. Texting is a good start to things. I can keep her at a distance if I don’t feel comfortable. But even that feels like I’m going to backslide.
Everything’s too messy. My relationship with my family, my relationship with Gian, even my relationship with Gian’s family. It’s all tangled up and confusing, and I don’t know what I want from any of them anymore. I wish I had better answers, but I don’t.
Only questions. Only uncertainty. But as I get into the car, I start to think about how I can solve all my problems, and something Sophia said sparks an idea.
Chapter 33
Gian
I’m worried out of my head when Allegra gets back home. I raced back here the second she told me she was going to visit her cousin at the gym, and each minute she’s been gone has been torture.
“You’re okay,” I say, striding over to her.
“Please don’t be mad. I know you didn’t want me to?—”
