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Or an even worse possibility—what if she miscarried again? How could she cope with another stab to the heart and loss like the last time? How much could one person truly handle before breaking?
Could her life be more of a mess?
She couldn’t tell Anthony about the baby yet. Fear of losing the baby and fear of their future held her back.
She’d obviously conceived when Anthony had come to “talk” last month, so that would make her four weeks along. Her miscarriage had occurred at seven weeks.
To keep Lily’s life as stable as possible and to see how seriously Anthony took his paternal responsibilities, she wouldn’t say anything yet. There were so many reasons to keep this baby a secret, but most of all to keep her own sanity. She just couldn’t pile another emotional issue on and give Anthony more leverage to make her stay. She wanted, needed him to stay for the right reasons.
Lily gave up fussing and moved straight into a full-throated cry with actual tears. Charlotte had the overwhelming urge to sit on the bed and join in, but that would solve nothing. And because Charlotte had never been one to sit around and cry when action needed to be taken, she straightened her shoulders and gave Lily an extra hug.
“Let’s go get you a bottle, sweetheart.”
Shifting the baby onto her hip, Charlotte padded out of her room and ran right into Anthony, who was standing outside her door.
“Oh.” She stepped back. “I didn’t know you were out here waiting for us.”
He hadn’t slept, or if he had, it was only for a few hours on his flight from New York to L.A. His eyes were red-rimmed, his hair a bit mussed and he still had on the dress pants and shirt he’d worn for the awards. He’d lost the tie and jacket and unbuttoned the top two buttons, the sleeves folded taut over his muscular forearms. Why he didn’t change on his plane was beyond her.
Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the man who was going to try to do it all in an attempt to prove to her that he could do it all.
Lily let out a loud wail.
“I need to feed her,” Charlotte explained, moving past Anthony.
“I’ll do it.” He slid the baby from her grasp and started toward the stairs. “I haven’t been spit up on for a couple days. I almost missed the smell.”
No matter what life threw at him, Anthony always kept his sense of humor. As she followed him down the wide staircase, she recalled that his humor had been one of the traits that had led her to fall in love with him in the first place.
A lump of guilt rose in her throat over keeping news of their baby from him, but the man had never even entertained the idea of kids before. Work had always been his fallback excuse.
So now wasn’t the time to reveal the truth. She needed to come to grips with this and figure out just how she was going to deal with this unexpected development. And he needed to get used to Lily before she hit him with the news of another baby.
Unexpected or not, Charlotte already loved this baby she carried. Children had always been her passion. In her volunteer work at the Children’s Hospital, she fell in love on a daily basis with some remarkable kids.
Walking toward the kitchen, Charlotte trailed behind Anthony as he tried to shift a very red-faced Lily. The jostling really wasn’t working—she was screaming louder—but he’d figure it out. All Charlotte could see was Lily’s little head bobbing up and down to the rhythm of Anthony’s awkward bounce. He needed to do this, to work on being a dad, so he could see exactly what he was getting into.
He filled a bottle with filtered water and went to get the lid off the formula. “It’s okay, Lily. I’m getting it.”
Charlotte resisted the urge to take the baby, mix the bottle and put an end to everyone’s misery. He was going to need all the practice he could get for when their own baby arrived—God willing. Still, her take-charge nature made it hard to do nothing. And since he was so set on proving to her that he could and would indeed be Superdad, she crossed her arms and leaned against the tiled center island.
Just as he balanced Lily in one arm and jerked the lid off the formula, the powder shot across the counter and down onto the gleaming hardwood floor. Unable to handle poor Lily’s hunger cries another minute, Charlotte stepped up. Silence and self-control be damned.
“Let me do it.” She scooped out the remaining formula from the canister and mixed the bottle. “Let me have her.”
“I was getting it,” he told her, relinquishing hold of his niece. “No need to take over.”
Lily’s pudgy hands reached for the bottle and the instant she started sucking, her cries ceased. Silence enveloped them and Charlotte found herself staring back into Anthony’s rich gray eyes.
“There was no need to have her so upset when we both know I can make the bottle faster.”
Charlotte started to move from the kitchen when he grabbed her shoulder to turn her back around.
“Is this how it’s going to be?” he demanded. “For the next few months are you going to undercut every attempt I make at trying to help, to show you that I can do this? Are you so determined to leave me that you won’t even give me the chance to prove myself as a husband or a father?”
Charlotte kept her gaze on the blissfully happy baby. No way could she look into his eyes right now. Not when he sounded so broken, yet so determined. She didn’t want his words to get to her. She couldn’t afford to lay her heart on the line again as far as Anthony was concerned. There were only so many times she could push her hurt aside and forgive him.
“I’m not undercutting anything,” she told him. “I just wanted her fed.”
He stepped closer, so close the arm she’d wrapped around Lily brushed against the hard plains of his abdomen. Beneath that cotton dress shirt lay rippled muscles that she’d explored with both her hands and her mouth. There wasn’t a part of his body she hadn’t seen or touched, but just that slight bit of contact sent a shiver rippling through her. He could always turn her on.
“I want to help. I need to.” He laid a hand over hers on Lily’s little belly. “Let me.”
Charlotte’s chest constricted at the warmth of his touch, his tone. He was holding out the olive branch…all she had to do was take it. All she had to do was look up into those smoky eyes and work with him, meet him in the middle. But pride, stubbornness and all those years of extending her own branch only to have it knocked aside had her shaking her head.
“I’ve got it.”
And with that she walked out.
Some might say she was being difficult, some might accuse her of being hardheaded, and she would absolutely, 100 percent agree. She was all of that and much more. But time after time of being torn down, ignored and neglected would do that to a woman.
Not only could Anthony make her burn hotter than anyone, he also brought out the spiteful, surly side of her. And while she may be physically attracted to him still, she had serious questions about her love. The idea that she fell out of love made her sick to her stomach, but she just couldn’t love a man who didn’t love her enough to make her the top priority in his life.
If Charlotte thought that his sincerity would last for more than a week, a month, she’d jump at the chance to meet him in the middle. But she knew how he was. She knew that nothing and no one would come between him and his precious work schedule—all the parties and awards ceremonies and the next big blockbuster film. And even if he decided he wanted to put her first, agents, managers, A-list actors and countless other people would eat up so much of his time, how would the man have any left for her or these children?
Yes, she’d definitely made the right decision in not telling him about the baby. He needed to seriously reshuffle his priority list before she would smack him with more life-altering news.
Even though this circumstance was different, she still needed to wait to tell him about the baby. The first time she’d gotten pregnant she hadn’t told him because he’d been away filming. She’d planned a surprise for his return with a dinner and a little present. She’d bought a tacky T-shirt that said #1 Dad.
But she’d miscarried before she could make her announcement and before he returned from location. She’d tossed the T-shirt—gift bag and all—into the fire pit on their patio and cried as the ashes blew around and floated away, much like her dreams. Symbolic, really, that her dreams had literally gone up in smoke.
She’d faced that monumental, heartbreaking time alone. But this time he was here and he deserved to know, just not yet. They had a lot on their plate and they needed to deal with all the upcoming decisions together as a family, broken or not. And she would include him in the decision making as soon as she felt comfortable with the man he claimed he could be.
As Charlotte moved back through the marble foyer and up the stairs to lay Lily down for her afternoon nap, she heard Anthony’s footsteps behind her.
“We need to talk,” he told her as they reached the landing.
She couldn’t agree more, so she nodded. “Let me get Lily settled and I’ll come find you.”
His eyes roamed over her face, landing on her lips. “I’ll wait in our room.”
He strode past her before she could correct him. It wasn’t their room anymore. That beautiful master suite with a walk-out balcony, shower big enough for ten people and a sunken Jacuzzi would never be hers again. The day she’d walked out, she’d left behind any and all luxuries she’d grown accustomed to.
Of course, she would’ve given all of it up in a heartbeat if she could have had the man she’d married back in her life. To have that attentive, loving, funny guy back, she’d gladly turn her back on this “glamorous” lifestyle.
Not so glamorous once the cameras stopped filming and the doors to the mansion closed. Everyday problems still occurred for the rich and famous. She’d always heard the expression “More money, more problems.” How true. Except their problems were out there for the public to see. Nothing was sacred in Hollywood, which made heartache that much harder to deal with.
Why had she once thought that they’d live happily ever after? Had she been that naive to think love would carry them over any obstacle?
Charlotte sat in the cushioned wooden rocker and eased back and forth while Lily finished her bottle. Sweet little lips pulled at the last drop of formula, then her mouth lost suction as she drifted off to sleep. Charlotte smiled, pulled the empty bottle away and eased the baby up onto her shoulder.
Keeping with the rocking motion, Charlotte closed her eyes and relished the peaceful bliss of holding a sleeping, innocent baby. No matter what happened with the marriage or the baby she carried, Charlotte knew she had a responsibility to Lily. Even though they weren’t blood-related, that didn’t matter. Charlotte would love and care for Lily as if she were her own.
Rachel had been an amazing woman. Charlotte hadn’t been super-close with her sister-in-law because of the miles between them, but they had communicated a great deal over the phone.
Rachel had been so excited when she’d become pregnant. Charlotte had been both thrilled and a little jealous, and once she’d seen how happy the news made Anthony, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d changed his mind about having kids of his own.
But when she’d brought it up, he’d blown her off again, claiming it wasn’t good timing. Good timing or not, he soon would have to get used to the idea of baby number two.
Giving in to the inevitable and relinquishing the peacefulness of rocking Lily, Charlotte came to her feet, laid Lily in her sleigh crib and went down the hall to her old master bedroom.
She prayed for the strength and courage to have a calm, adult conversation with Anthony. Prayed they wouldn’t start yelling and hurling accusations.
She was getting stronger in standing up for herself and he needed to understand that unless and until he made a drastic change in his work ethic, she couldn’t consider them a family.
Four
Charlotte entered her room—no, Anthony’s room—but didn’t see him. She moved farther in, beyond the sitting area and out on the balcony, where he’d left the French doors open. Everything about this room screamed sexy—from the delicate white sheers flowing from the patio doors and windows to the draped fabric encasing the canopy bed, the soft hues covering the wall, and the sunsets that would cast a romantic glow every evening.
Reality check. She wasn’t here for romance. There was nothing romantic about being in a predicament where you were forced to work with someone you needed distance from, or loving someone with your whole heart only to have that love taken for granted and ignored.
Anthony stood against the short, fat pillars and marble rail, his back to her, his eyes on the lush grounds below that were manicured to perfection. There wasn’t one aspect of this home that she hadn’t had a hand in deciding when they’d built. She wondered if he even noticed that, before she left, she’d had a whole new flower garden and waterfall put in. If he had, he never mentioned it. Neglect had come on so many levels.
