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“I won’t live these next three months like this,” he said without turning. “I won’t worry about making you angry or doing something wrong with Lily.”
Charlotte wanted to go to the rail, but she remained in the doorway. If he was ready to open up and discuss his feelings without her begging him, she certainly wasn’t going to interrupt.
“I love Lily,” he went on, turning to face her. “I’m going to screw things up—I’m only human. But I’m trying my hardest here, so let me.”
Unable to remain at a distance, Charlotte stepped forward and rested her hands next to his on the rail. “I know you love her—it would be impossible not to. But you can’t just expect me to believe that this baby has turned your entire mind-set around. Our problems can’t be fixed overnight because we instantly have a family. If anything, we have more than we expected.”
She resisted the urge to run a hand over her flat stomach.
“I didn’t say anything was fixed overnight.” He pushed off the rail, his face mere inches from hers. “But you’re here. I’m here. And I want to work through this, Charlie. Tell me you’ll work with me and not against me.”
Tears pricked her eyes, burned her throat. “I have no choice but to work with you now. But I can’t promise that after this ninety-day period I’ll still be living here.”
He prayed for a miracle to take place in these next few months. “Let’s take this one day at a time, okay? That’s all I’m asking.” All he was begging. “I just want us to be happy.”
“It’s hard to be happy right now, Anthony. We were separated, heading for divorce, then thrown into parenthood with Lily, and are reluctantly living together again. Kind of hard to celebrate anything.”
Which reminded him of the surprise he had for her. He needed to make her see that she and Lily did come first. Why couldn’t he have both career and family? He’d damn well make this work. This was the only chance in life he had to get this right. He’d prove to himself—and Charlotte—that he could, in fact, have it all and excel at being a parent and a husband. Maybe he hadn’t wanted children before, but fate had handed him a gift. Yes, he was worried, but he also knew he could do this…with Charlotte by his side.
“We’re getting away,” he blurted out. “Before I left for the awards, I had my assistant clear my schedule for the next two weeks. We’re going to our house in Tahoe.”
Charlotte’s face brightened, then she tilted her head and raised one perfectly arched brow. “Really? Why now?”
He shrugged, hating that something so simple could have her so happy and skeptical at the same time. “I know we need time away from this lifestyle if I ever want a chance at a family and happiness with you. I know how much you love Tahoe, so we’re going. Originally, I was only going to go for a few days, but I think we’ll stay longer.”
Charlotte closed her eyes, the breeze blowing her long blond hair back over her shoulder. The sun kissed her face, and Anthony knew how lucky he was. He’d taken her for granted, but he was also very aware of everything she loved about life. Now he just had to present all that love to her. She deserved everything he could give…and he had finally realized that didn’t mean material things, which he’d always lavished on her in the past, instead of sharing his time and feelings with her.
“Can you be ready to leave by tomorrow morning?” he asked.
Her face turned back to his, unshed tears on the verge of spilling over. “I can. Thank you for doing this.”
As she turned to go, Anthony grabbed for her arm. “Stay. Don’t always be the first to walk from a room because you’re afraid I will.”
A sad smile formed on her full lips. “Won’t you? You’ve always walked away, Anthony. It’s hard seeing your back so much as the distance grows between us.”
Guilt crept up and squeezed his chest, but he deserved the hurt. He needed to use it to make himself and their marriage stronger.
“I could say I’m sorry, and I’d mean it,” he told her. “But I know words will do very little at this point. I plan on showing you that I’m worthy of being a good father to Lily, and the husband you need.”
Her eyes darted down to his hand on her bare arm. “This is harder than I thought,” she whispered. “Being here, with you. I want so much, but I can’t hope, can’t dream for things that may never be.”
“You used to confide all your dreams in me.” He closed the space between them, keeping his hand on her arm. “Don’t shut me out, Charlie. I’m trying. I’ve never stopped loving you. The film sets, movie premieres, awards shows—none of that can fill my heart the way you do.”
“Then why haven’t you shown me?” she asked, her voice cracking from emotion. “Why do you always put work first?”
He brought his other hand up to cup her cheek. He’d missed that silky skin, that hitch in her breath when he barely caressed his fingertips over her jawline. He missed making love to her and holding her in his arms while she slept. And the one frenzied night they’d shared a month ago didn’t help. Once she’d asked him to leave, he realized just how much he wanted her back…how much he missed holding her in his arms.
He’d taken her and their marriage for granted. There was no sugarcoating it. Until she left, he hadn’t realized how much she filled his life.
“I never thought I was,” he confessed. “I was just doing my job and knew you’d be home when I came back. I can’t apologize for my work, because it’s who I am. All I can do is show you I can put you and Lily first. But, at the same time, I can’t turn my back on who I am.”
“I don’t want you to forget who you are,” she told him, looking into his eyes. “I never meant for you to give up what you love, Anthony. I guess I should’ve been more vocal about that. But your priorities…”
“Right now I have only one priority.”
He captured her lips, keeping his touch light because he knew that made her weak. She’d always loved the tender moments. So many times they’d made love in a frantic hurry, but he knew her better than she knew herself. And wasn’t that the message he’d been missing? She loved when he took his time with her, showed her real love.
With a stroke of his fingertips up her arm and over the gooseflesh he’d caused, he laid his palm on the small of her back and eased her against his body.
Yeah, he knew her so well. Just one feather-soft kiss had her sighing, leaning into him.
He missed the feel of her flush against him while he slept. Missed the way he would wake her in the night when he needed to feel that connection he could only get from her.
Unable to keep the kiss light, Anthony tilted his head and took more. Charlotte’s fingers dug into his shoulders, her br**sts flattened against his chest.
How could she walk away from him, from this? They had so much heat between them. And now they had Lily to keep them together for a minimum of ninety days. He intended to take advantage of every moment.
Fatherhood may have been something he’d always feared he’d fail at. Maybe because he’d been so successful with his career, he was afraid of not being able to do the same in his personal life. He had no idea why it scared him so much. No doubt the shrink Charlotte wanted him to see would be able to pin down a reason after the first session. But now that Lily was in their lives, he knew he’d do anything to keep his family together. Fear or no fear, he had an obligation and he wasn’t backing down.
So if he had to give in and go to therapy, then so be it. He couldn’t, wouldn’t live without his family.
Charlotte pushed away, dropping her hands. “You don’t play fair.”
He stared at her swollen lips, more than ready to taste them again. “I don’t plan to. I want you back, Charlie. In every sense of the word.”
Stepping back farther, she licked her lips. “I’m going to start packing.”
Selfishly he took comfort in knowing she was running scared. That kiss hadn’t left her unaffected. But he’d let her think she was in control…for now.
“You may want to avoid this,” he said, motioning between them. “But you can’t avoid me when we’re in Tahoe. It’ll just be me, you and Lily. I’ve given the staff paid vacations.”
Charlotte winced as if that were a bad thing. “Not a good idea.”
He couldn’t help but smile. “And why is that?” Leaning back against the marble rail, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Afraid we won’t be able to keep our hands off each other?”
That defiant chin tilted. “That’s not it at all.... I just…”
His smile grew as she stammered for an excuse to cover the lie. He knew she feared being alone with him. Knew he’d break her down, win her back. She worried that her heart would get broken once more. But he refused to let that happen. He’d never willingly hurt her again.
“I’m not going to explain myself,” she finally said. “I’ll be in my room.”
As she spun on her heel, he called out, “Don’t forget to pack that red nightie I bought you last Christmas.”
She marched through the French doors, across the master suite, and slammed the door. A second later Lily sent up a wail.
Ah, yes. This was going to be an interesting vacation.
* * *
Packed and ready to go, Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a spurt of hope for this trip. She knew it was a lot to lay so much pressure on one getaway, but Anthony had never suggested they go away so they could work on things. If he was willing to try, then how could she not?
At the same time, she also had to be realistic. Years of poor communication, when there even was any communication, could not be repaired in a few weeks. But it was a start and that counted for something.
The doctor’s appointment came first, though. This was one of those times she was thankful her name and status moved things along. They were able to squeeze her in for a prenatal appointment. She had told Anthony she had an appointment at the hospital and he’d just assumed she meant the Children’s Hospital. She hadn’t corrected him. She’d simply said she shouldn’t be too long and when she came back they could leave.
God, she loathed lying, but, at this stage, how could she open up? Fear of a miscarriage and fear of Anthony not changing drove her to keep the truth to herself…at least for now.
In retrospect, he’d deserved to know about the last baby, but she’d never uttered a word. Selfishly she’d kept that to herself because she’d been so hurt and angry that he hadn’t been there when she needed him most. But her doctor’s appointment had gone well, and now she was heading home to get ready to go away with her family.
But right now she was going to concentrate on Lily and this time with Anthony in Tahoe.
She so loved their Tahoe getaway home—this one more so than the others. The Tahoe home was away from all the hustle and bustle of a big city and provided a nice relaxing escape. Just what they needed.
Countless times she would go away on her own to enjoy the serenity, the beauty. Several occasions when planning a charity event, this tranquil home had provided a nice place to think. Unlike when she worked in Hollywood and their version of beauty was skewed and molded by plastic surgeons and trophy wives.
Charlotte opened the door to her Hollywood Hills home and saw her two pieces of matching luggage sitting by the door. Anthony must’ve brought them down from her room. She reached to pick them up when his voice stopped her.
“If you’re ready I can take your bags.” Charlotte turned to see Anthony descending the grand staircase. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any last-minute items you wanted to pack.”
“No, I’m good to go.” She smiled. “I packed light, since I still have some stuff up there from my last visit.”
He tilted his head. “When was that?”
“Right after I moved out. I knew you were going out of town and I wanted to be alone and surrounded by nothing but nature, instead of glitz and glamour. I was only there for a few days because I had to get back to the hospital.”
The way he studied her face, the muscle ticking in his jaw, had her wondering what he was thinking. But with the way she’d stipulated things between them during this ninety-day period, she didn’t feel as if it was her place to ask.
Wasn’t she the one who wanted this separation to move forward? She couldn’t probe his private thoughts and still expect some distance.
Once upon a time, in the beginning, she wouldn’t have had to ask. But communication had slowly become an issue. Little by little their lives became routine, resulting in bottled-up feelings and hurts that led them here…on the verge of divorce with two babies…one of which was still a secret.
