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Loren
You’re always holding back.
I glare down at the phone, my anger already dissipating. I can’t be mad at him for respecting my wishes, can I? And then I’m disappointed when I get no response for a full seven minutes. I sit on my bed, staring and willing those three dots to appear again.
Instead, I hear a soft knock before the door opens to reveal Blake looking fresh from the shower in a pair of gym shorts and a white tee. “Are you upset? did I do something wrong?” he asks, his bottom lip sticking out in a sexy pout.
Actually, no, scratch that. It’s a totally stupid, unsexy pout.
“Yes. And no.”
He furrows his brow and steps into the room, and I bring my legs up to cross them in front of me when he sits beside me on the bed.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. I’m just trying to keep things light,” he explains, and I notice he seems to be holding his breath as if he’s genuinely concerned about my reaction.
“I don’t like being the butt of your jokes, Blake. I thought we’d established that.”
“Lo, look at me.”
I obey, like the glutton for punishment that I am.
“You were never a joke to me. And you never could be,” he declares.
I feel my eyes watering again. “Then why do I feel so stupid right now?” I whisper, my voice cracking. “And why did you stop kissing me?”
He shakes his head and brings a hand up to my cheek. “First of all, it took everything I had to stop kissing you. In fact, we’re still making out in my head right now.”
I snort out a laugh, and he smiles as he continues.
“But you’re not stupid. I just keep going about this the wrong way.”
“No, you’re … great. Tonight was great. It was actually one of the best nights I’ve ever had, besides all the crying. I just … I’m still so scared.”
“Hey, I’m not going anywhere, all right? If anything, you’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me, if you can’t already tell,” he says, smiling softly.
I bite my lip as I feel my chin trembling. “Yeah, well, sometimes sticking around after you’ve stopped caring is even worse than leaving.”
Oh, damn. I wasn’t supposed to say that aloud.
He drops his hand and looks away, his expression forlorn. “It’s late. I should let you get some sleep.” He leans over and kisses my temple before he stands. “Goodnight,” he bids me quietly, stepping out and closing the door behind him.
I sniffle a few times, deciding that he’s right and that I’m entirely too exhausted to give the topic any more thought. Then I change into my pajamas and look down at my unmade bed.
“Oh, hell,” I mutter to myself before slipping out of the guest bedroom and into Blake’s.
I crawl into bed, and he smiles ruefully as if he’s equally sad and relieved to see me. “Let me get my shirt,” he offers, but I shake my head and curl into his bare chest.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as he wraps his arms around me. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I swear I’m only saying these mean things to you because I’m full of stupid baby-growing hormones. And because I’m not used to anyone caring this much about me. I know I still have so much shit of my own to work out, and you’ve been entirely too good to me, Blake.”
“It’s okay. I’m probably taking some of it too personally, anyway.”
“No, I should really think before I blurt out my biggest fears and scare you away.”
He chuckles softly and presses a kiss on my head. “You didn’t scare me away just now. It just feels like I keep pushing you too far.”
“But I hurt you again, and I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t capable of all that long-term, big L-word stuff. Everything you’ve shown me says the opposite.”
He hums thoughtfully. “Lo, have you ever been in love?”
