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“Don’t.” I poke a finger in his chest and then really wish I hadn’t touched him. “Don’t even look at me with that self-confident smug-ass smile.”
He raises to his full height and slips his hands around my waist, moving me towards the other end of the kitchen. When he gets me there, he lifts me, setting me on the counter. He stands between my legs and pushes his hands into my crazy hair.
“What are you doing?” It comes out as a whisper because my lungs are no longer working properly, and my heart races like I’m climbing to the crest of a roller coaster, anticipating the free fall.
His mouth hovers over my ear. “It’s my turn to try something, and Ax needs to be over there.”
Oh, good night. Someone help me.
I go limp in his hands as he places the tenderest kiss on my forehead and then proceeds down the side of my temple to my cheek. He takes his sweet ass time, but it feels so good, and I was right. Sweaty Sean smells just as amazing.
He makes his way down my neck and back up, finding the corner of my mouth before pulling back just an inch, and his eyes are filled with fire. He tilts my head to just the right angle, that cocky, smug smirk returning, and he will never know what a player he really is.
His lips meet mine, hot and hard, and I taste the salt of his sweat mixed with whatever fruity sports drink he had. He kisses me, still taking his time, but there’s also an urgency to it. This is the closeness I’ve been longing for since last night.
I slide my hands inside his damp shirt, allowing my fingers to trace the lines of each of his muscles. When I drag my nails back down his back, a groan escapes from him, bringing forth a smile he kisses away immediately.
His hands move from the mess of my tangled hair to grip my hips, pulling me closer. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him to me, needing him close. I bite one lip playfully, and he dives back in, crushing his mouth to mine, and there’s a wakening inside me that is more than physical desire.
Sean’s strong fingers glide up my body until they grace my neck as he slows our kisses and gives us enough room to breathe. He doesn’t move away even an inch but holds me close and secure, making me feel safe and cared for.
I try to process all that I’m feeling. What is painfully clear is that for the first time in my life, I’m uninhibited by anyone and anything. Free to experience exactly what I’m feeling without having to make excuses or, explain it or sacrifice a single thing.
He rests his forehead against mine. He never asked me for anything other than friendship, and it wasmewhom he wanted to be friends with. He didn’t want some made-up version or desired me to be someone else. There was no list of required conditions.
His strength, patience, and vulnerability with me make me nervous to let this moment end. Our time here, away from theworld. Here, it’s just the two of us figuring out what this means and what we want it to be.
I don’t know what Sean wants this to be, but his gentleness and tender care tells me it’s more than fooling around and testing the waters. He’s considerate and tentative, stepping into this with me instead of pushing or pulling. I have no doubt he’s being cautious with his own heart.
I bring my chin up to kiss his jaw and then rest my head against his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck, needing to hold on tight just a few moments longer. Loving Sean wasn’t part of the plan, but I think it’s quite possible I do, and it’s a kind of love that’s new for me. One that’s founded on friendship, honesty, and selflessness, and there’s a growing fear inside me that this, too, won’t last.
A vibration erupts between us, forcing me to let him go. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone to look at it.
“I’m sorry. It’s Rob. I have to take this.”
I nod, but he holds my chin and kisses me softly one more time before stepping away. I hear him greet Rob as he retreats down the hallway. I hop off the counter to get back to whatever I was doing before, trying to remember my name and not worry about whatever this call might be about.
I pull eggs from the refrigerator and scramble some on the stove, then place a pile on Ax’s tray while the anticipation of what might be and the worry about what might not war within me. The one calming thought revolving around me is knowing that Sean is as trustworthy as the sun.
He came for me and brought me here. He waited until I was ready to make any move beyond non-friends. He kissed me and held me, safe and secure. His steadiness and reassurance are something I can lean on, and I know he won’t let me down.
The problem is, I’m not ready to say goodbye and let go of the possibility. He's the unexpected gift that I never saw coming.He’s become my truest friend, and I’d rather have Sean distantly than not at all.
Distance is hard. I’ve done that before and never thought I’d consider doing it again. This is not the same, and I know that, but just like muscle memory, the sadness and nerves are as real as ever.
Even if I could get past the distance, would Sean even want that? Every bit of his life is likely to be consumed by this move, and I can’t expect him to have time to figure out whatever this is with me.
I put some eggs and toast on a plate and sit at the counter next to Ax, pushing them around rather than eating. Anxiety gnaws away at me while I wait for Sean to return.
Eventually, I clean up the mess and take Ax to get him changed and dressed. I leave him in the Pack N Play with some toys while I shower and dress, knowing I need to get in touch with Nora and Jonesy and, at some point, return to real life.
As I stand looking in the mirror, getting back to life is the last thing I want to do. I want to stay here with Sean and figure out where this might be going, worrying about real life later. There’s a pit in my stomach telling me that isn’t going to happen, and life will catch up to me much sooner than I’m ready for.
Chapter 50
SEAN
“So that’s it then?”
